Grown People Should Not Be Street Fighting

Remember when you were growing up and dealing with most of your issues could be settled in a matter of minutes? Any time you had a problem with somebody at school, in the neighborhood, at church, at the post office, or whatever, you could meet them after the event and settle the matter with a little scuffle? Then you all could move on with your lives with a clear conscience.

For those who were not motivated to fight, you would put a stick on their shoulder and dare the other person to knock it off. This would be the match that was sometimes needed to start the fire. Nonetheless, the fight ensued and the people were able to release their tension.

Back in the day, getting your occasional scrap on was both  fun and exhilarating. It was also necessary to build character while growing up in the hood or in a large family of ghetto cousins and siblings.

Then something happened that would change your life forever…you grew up! You realized that aside from the possibility of being charged with felony assault, battery, or even attempted murder; fighting in the street like an ignorant buffoon was not a good look. Not to mention the possibility of being sued by the loser and in some cases losing your job.

The point that I am trying to make is that if you are grown you should not be fighting in the streets, like you are still a teenager. What some adults don’t realize is that, they are not in high school anymore and you don’t have to fight to prove you are tough. Adults are also setting bad examples for their kids. Not to mention, some people are taking major “L’s” (Losses). People are putting the beat downs on youtube and your insurancce does not have a deductible for ass whippins’. This phase of your life should be over, you should be enjoying the adult years of your life.

Have you ever gone out to a club where everyone was dressed up nice and people were drinking and dancing to the music and then all of a sudden, Pookie sees Keisha’s brother who owes him three dollars from two years ago and he wants payback? He starts a bar room brawl and ruins the night for everybody. They get kicked out the club all drunk and bloody. It’s pretty lame to see. What about the fights your friends start and expect you to jump into? This aint boys in the hood man! We aint Ricky and Dough-boy no more..

What about women who have fights at weddings and baby showers? Hot ghetto mess. And when women fight whew!! Breastasis’ pop out, weaves are yanked out, and women are more likely to stab one another. Nine times out of ten, this fight is over a guy. Men hate to see this type of violence with our women…Unless they are fine!

Adults should realize that the best way to win a fight is to walk away. As a mature rational thinking adult, you should be able to diffuse or avoid certain situations without having to get your Roy Jones Jr. on.

However, I do realize that there are some exceptions to every rule. After all, I have had my fair share of altercations in my lifetime. I understand that there are some situations that may require you to handle your business:

  1. You joined the UFC to earn extra income
  2. You are in Prison and someone wants to cuddle
  3. Someone does something to your Spouse/Kids
  4. Somebody hits you first
  5. Rihanna questions you about a text message (Kidding)
  6. Somebody talking about your momma!!!

Other than that, you got to let it ride. Road rage, he said/she said, verbal altercations, and stepping on shoes by accident, should not end up with you clocking somebody with a blunt object.

A lot of people think that they have to fight to keep it real. Keepin’ it real is one of the dumbest phrases ever that has ruined a generation.

Here is an example where keeping it real goes wrong. I work out at what is supposed to be a premier (Expensive as hell) fitness center, where the clientele consists of really wealthy and supposedly well-off people. I was playing a pick-up game of 5-on-5 basketball and a fight broke out between two guys that were arguing about a foul that was called. One guy called the other one a cheating bitch and the other guy “kept it real.” He called the guy a punk ass bitch, and then proceeded to swing on him. What he did not know is that the other guy was a retired martial arts instructor. In two short moves, the guy that threw the first punch had a busted lip and a lump in his neck (ouch). What was so terrible about the fight is that he looked bad while he was getting his ass whipped. You can tell he was bullied as a kid.  He really did not know how to fight. He did a lot of foot shuffling and non-existent boxing combinations in the air. The guy that won thought he was about to get accolades for winning the fight. He made his victory speech and was trying to explain how he was a bad ass back in the day, but all the guys quit playing and went home. Nobody wanted to be around all that foolishness. We were all grown ass men with families and responsibilities. After the fake ass rumble in the jungle, the guys were kick out of the gym and they both had their memberships revoked. They were lucky they were not arrested.

The fight went kind of like this:

Now was that worth it? Probably not….

The point is that grown people should not be fighting. (Especially if you cannot fight) We are supposed to be mature adults setting examples for our children. Try talking like civilized human beings. Keep it real with yourself, you’re not a “G” and your last name aint’ Mayweather.

 If you must fight, at least get some training.

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Are we in hell already?

civil_unrest2I have really been trying to stay away from blogging about things in the news, because I did not want to just keep repeating what is already out there. Instead, I have been writing about things that I felt like sharing such as: my philosophy on life, relationship issues and the human condition. However, I have been hearing  and reading so many depressing and horrific things in the news, I had to say something.

People have lost their minds. It’s like jail or death is no longer a deterrent for a lot of people anymore. What also seems bad is that people have become numb to hearing about murders, rape and violence. I see people react to hearing about a serial killer murdering 10 women like, “okay, what’s on ESPN?” When did we all become so cold-blooded? It’s only when something happens to our loved ones that we want CSI to come out and do a full-scale investigation. We only care about the rapist or pedophile if he is on the loose on our neighborhood.

I know that most people believe that we are in the last days and all kind of craziness is suppose to take place. In the book of second Timothy chapter 3 verse 1 says, “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.” So, this is suppose to be the precursor to Jesus coming back and taking all the good people to heaven and the evil doers’ (People Shacking up LOL) to hell.

Tupac said in his song “Blasphemy” on the Makeveli Album, “We probably in Hell already, our dumb asses not knowin, everybody kissin ass to go to heaven ain’t goin. Put my soul on it….” 

Everybody does not believe in the bible, but whatever your religious beliefs or unbeliefs are, you know the world cannot go on this way. It’s about to be Madd Maxx in a minute.

Look at some of the major news stories in the past week:

r465884_2309754Fort Hood Shootings – For those of you who did not hear about it already, there was a shooting spree that killed 13 people and wounded 31 others on Thursday, November 5. They are still finding out details, but anyone who does a Rambo on a military base has got to be crazy. The scary thing is, if someone can pull that off on a military base, where everybody got a gun, do you feel safe in the suburbs?

15 Year-old Girl Raped – Onlookers laughed, took pictures and even joined in Saturday night during the two-hour gang rape of a semi-conscious 15-year-old outside her high school homecoming dance. This is wrong on so many levels. I got a question, where were the chaperons at the dance? I remember when I was in high school; they would even let you hang outside of the dance. You either had to come inside or go home. Then, you had people watching and taking pictures. I am so scared form the future for my kids. People are watching and filming rapes and murders on their camera phones, so they can post it on YouTube. They should make that a crime.

0_64_110309_rapistOhio Rapist Charged with Murder….10 Bodies Found – Anthony Sowell, 50, was charged Tuesday with rape, felonious assault and kidnapping, Cleveland police spokesman Lt. Thomas Stacho said. The gruesome new discovery comes after 6 bodies were found last week in the Sowell’s house, bringing the total number discovered there to 10. Authorities do not know whether the skull belongs to an eleventh victim.

So now we have the black and freaky serial killer. I read that people have been complaining about the odor coming from his house for a minute and the police never came over to see nothing. You can’t lie and say you are cooking chitterlings forever. The police should have been over to the house, especially given the fact that he is a convicted felon.

Office Shooting and Murder in Florida – Last week, 40-year-old Jason Rodriguez went on a shooting rampage at the Gateway Centre in Orlando, Florida, killing one person and injuring at least five others.

In a brief court appearance, he was portrayed by his lawyer as a mentally ill man who has had a bad year, losing his job, home and marriage.

I don’t’ know the details of this situation, nor do I agree with what he did, but apparently this guy was at the end of his rope and snapped. It seems like people all over are just feeling hopeless and are giving up on life.

These are just a sampling of events that have happened in the U.S. over the past week or so. This is not to mention all the destruction and chaos going on everywhere else in the world that does not make the mainstream news.

Given the recent chain of events, I ask the question, “Are we in hell already?”

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Shacking Up, is so hard to do

f058338cac3bca82Have you ever heard the saying, “Don’t play house.” This old school metaphor has been widely used by mothers all over the world when trying to school their young daughters about living in with a man before marrying him.

Living together has become very common in mainstream America. It has now been looked at as the next step in a  boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Back in the day, unmarried couples that lived together were looked at like they were morally deficient. It was like being in a room full of doctors and admitting you dropped out of high school. People were embarrassed to even tell someone they were shacking up. You would say that you were living with a roommate, a friend, or your cousin.  I remember when even spending the night at a girl’s house was a big deal. I used to have to sneak out of a girl’s house like I was James Bond.

As the fabric of or morality began to deteriorate around the late 80’s early 90’s, living together before marriage gradually became more acceptable and justified by an increasingly high divorce rate in the United States. The new saying became, “Don’t you want to test drive a car before you buy it?” That’s why today’s couples that shack up are not hassled; they are only typically only looked down upon by religious zealots and protective parents.

Some people believe today that you should try living with someone before you leap into a marriage. In many aspects that theory makes a lot of sense. It seems like a responsible move to test the waters. Would you order a dish without sampling it? Would a company hire you without an interview? Would you sign an artist without an audition? Marriage is a serious commitment and most people feel that it is absolutely necessary that you live with someone before you sign your life away. Nobody wants to end up like Nas & Kelis, Bobby & Whitney, Starr Jones and RuPaul, etc.

However, I think that there are valid points on both sides. The beliefs in most religions is that people should be married before they live together, but the benefits of moving in first make for a better long-term decision about marriage. People always say that you should really get to know someone before you marry them, so shouldn’t living together help you really get to know the person?

See, I think that the primary concern of the old school generation was really about preventing the young couples from having sex, not living together. They were protecting their kids against fornication and getting pregnant out-of-wedlock. The only problem with that is that couples don’t have to live together to sleep together. Premarital sex and unwed parenting is not taboo for the new generation.

So I think that in addition to it being a morality issue, it is also a generational issue.

I was watching Good Times last night and Thelma wanted to move in with her African boyfriend Ebay that she met in college. Florida (her mother) was against it, because they were not going to get married yet.

See, Florida represented the old school way of thinking and Thelma was thinking on a level that transcended into the 80’s and beyond.

Benefits of Shacking Up

One of the benefits to shacking up is that you get to really get to know that person, before you are obligated to be with them forever. Living with a person 24/7, you get to see beyond the veil of his hollow swagger or her sexy mystique. You get to see her unsexy mistakes and his trifling ways.

I used to date a woman that I would pick up three times a week to go hang out. Once I spent a full weekend with her and never wanted to date her again. Her house was dirty like Mister’s house on The Color Purple when Cielie just moved in. She had old food in the fridge and her bathroom was like the public restrooms in the Superdome before Hurricane Katrina. She could not cook and she looked like Kim Wayans without her weave in and make-up on. Then I found out that she had a severe lying problem, and she did not even bath everyday. (Eww) I found all that out by just spending two days at her house. Just imagine if I wouldn’t have known that and married her. I am a clean freak; we would have been divorced quicker than Usher and Tameka. It is very easy to pretend to be fly, cool, or clean, when you are around somebody for short periods of time. However, if you live with them, eventually you get to see the real person.

The other benefit is that you can leave when you want to. If you break up with them, there is no alimony, or divorce fees. You won’t have to give up half your stuff. (Willingly that is)

Problems with Shacking Up

One of the biggest problems many shacked-up couples face is when mad day comes. Every couple knows what mad day is. Unmarried couples sometimes buy huge assets together while things are going good. However, it does not always stay good. So when the time comes and they decide to go their separate ways, who going to get the stuff? This is when the convenient blessing becomes a curse.

Here’s a quick scenario: Tyrone and Lisa living together and they decide to put in together and buy a flat screen for the living room. Two months later, Tyrone gets caught cheating and Lisa wants to break up. Who gets the TV? Who has to move out? Who gets to keep the puppy? Since they are not married, they can’t let the divorce proceeding decide who gets what, so now they got to go on Judge Judy and fight on TV.

Another problem is some women believe that the free-loading bum that is living off of them is going to marry them eventually. There is another great saying tied to this situation. “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?” In most cases, if you live with a guy and you all have 2-3 kids, a house, and cars etc., he is comfortable and has already won. He has no reason to marry you. What he does have is an easy road out if he decides that he wants to move on. He gets all the benefits of being married without any of the responsibility. To buy himself some extra time, he’ll say that they’ll get married down the road when they can afford it. That usually shuts the woman up for 3 or 4 years. And don’t let him hit you with the “we in a recession speech”. This is also what parents are trying to protect their daughters from.

At the End of the Day

At the end of the day shacking up is still the issue of morality vs. practicality. For the more spiritually minded people, it is a clear-cut moral issue that should not be compromised for the sake of convenience or experimentation. On the other hand, it makes all the sense in the world to know what you are getting into before you commit for what is suppose to be a lifelong vow.

In the practical sense (barring religion), all marriage is able to do is make it harder for couples to separate, thus encouraging couples to make a more concerted effort to save the marriage. (And possibly save you from going to HELL) However, if you find out in advance that your potential spouse is a dirty, trifling, no bath taking, cross-dressing, sea donkey with filthy habits; you probably would not marry them in the first place.

So I say, if your conscience is clear about it,  do what you do, but I aint God…….

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Career Change……What’s the Hold Up?

george-bush-motivational1What did you want to be when you grew up, a teacher, a fireman, an astronaut? I did not want to be anything like that. After I saw Purple Rain in the 80’s, I wanted to be Prince. When I got a little older, I decided that I wanted to become a writer. Twenty years later it’s still a work in progress, but at least it’s a work… right?

Now that you are grown, are you doing what you planned to do with your life in terms of your career? Are you working towards your career goals or are you still putting it off for the future like paying off your student loans?

How many years have you been saying, “Next year I am going to open a salon or restaurant.” How long have you been writing that movie, working towards your degree, or taking the bar exam?

You can sing like Patti LaBelle and you dance better than Chris Brown, but you are still working at Popeye’s. Well, what’s the hold up? (Sarcastic voice) Oh yeah, that’s right, you are starting your own label next year, and your cousin knows Babyface and he is going to get you a deal…and blah, blah, blah.

People spend a lot of time talking about what they are about to do. I know, because I was one of the greatest at doing this. I was always painting this vivid picture to people about what my future would look like and how successful I was going to be. The problem was that most of the time I was full of it, but it made me feel good just talking  about it. The sad thing is for a long time, that’s all it was…Talk. Do you know anyone like that? Someone who yells with the greatest conviction that they are going to do something and you find out they aint gonna do shit.

I heard someone say a long time ago that “talk is cheap,” and it holds true today when it comes to career aspirations. When it comes to making moves in life, you should be like Nike and “just do it.” Time waits for no man, and before you know it, you will find yourself only being able to talk about the past. “I could have had this or would have had that”…… I have countless friends that I played sports with during my teenage years who swear until this day that they could have gone pro, but they never put forth the effort or took the steps to get there.

Here are some of the reasons we give as to why we can’t work towards our career goals:

 I Don’t Have Time!

One of our challenges we face is that we are all creatures of habit. Once our lives become routine, it also becomes safe and convenient. You now become afraid to leave your comfort zone. Your job pays the bills and allows you to buy a few things and take care of your family. In this economy, nobody is trying to rock that boat. However, at the same time, you don’t want to be stuck in the same situation or limit your options either.

Routine stuns your growth. It is a mentality we develop over time. Routine is comfortable and breaking your routine is scary. Whether it is fear of failure or fear of losing what have been able to barely maintain, people are afraid to take that leap to the next level. It’s like the dumb saying goes: “The man who sleeps on the floor can’t fall out of bed.”

However, there is a way to work through this obstacle. It’s all about planning. Look at your week and log how much time you waste. Whether it is 30 minutes or 3 hours a day, this down time is what you can use to work on your career changing project. Use this time to do some research and make some long-term plans. Everyday that goes by should include you doing at least one thing toward your goal no matter how small.

Are People in the Way?

Another reason people are apprehensive about trying to progress is, because of the people around them. You know who I am talking about right? I am talking your dog, your home girl, etc.

Some of our so-called Friends, are the main ones that will hate on our ideas. Believe it or not, deep down some of your friends are envious of you and don’t want you to be doing better than them. Think about it? Do you have a friend that is always saying something negative about what you are doing? Anything you say about something, they got something bad to say about it.

The other thing is that they’re always comparing themselves to you. You know that they’ll never really support you trying to come up. You might want to distance yourself from these types of “friends.” They will only slow you down or deter you from your goals.

Self Doubt

Worst of all, some people just don’t believe that they can make it. After what I have seen over the course of my 30 plus years on this earth, I believe that anything is possible. Look around you and see what is going on. Consider this, if Frankie and Neffe can get their own television show, if Jermaine Dupri can get Janet Jackson, and if “It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp” can win an Academy Award, anything is possible.

I often watch the behind the music shows on VH1 and I recently watched both 50 Cent’s and T.I.’s show. Neither are my favorite rappers (Hov, DMX), but they both had crazy struggles earlier in their lives before they got to where they are in their industry. Are they the best at what they do, probably not, but they kept grinding.

With a little preparation and opportunity, you never know where you will end up. You don’t always have to be the best at it; you just have to be driven. Haven’t you seen the best singers not make it to Hollywood on American Idol? 

Not motivated yet? Well, if you had any doubts about being successful at making your career change, I got some medicine. Check this out:

Former President George W. Bush made his debut as a motivational speaker Monday, October 26, to a crowd of 11,000 in Fort Worth, Texas. Are you kidding me? The most non-articulate President in the history of the world has got a new job as a motivational speaker. Do you know what that means? That means that if you are a 5 foot 2 inches tall, you can play power forward for the Lakers. If you are as big as King Latifah is, you can be a stripper at the Blue Flame in Atlanta. If you have been arrested more times than Bobby Brown, you can still be  the mayor of your city. The sky is the limit. You just have to get to work!!

There are many reasons why we can say that we haven’t reached our career goals that we set for ourselves, but no excuse. We can blame it on life decisions we made early in our lives, we can blame people, or we can even blame on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol, but at the end of the day, it’s on us to get it popping. Our complacency and doubt are our own. Think about it, many people throughout history have done great things despite their opposition.

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Why Are Some Men Intimidated By Strong Women?

imagesHow many independent women songs do you know? (Singing Lil Boosie & Webbie’s song) “I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T do you know what that means? You go got your own house, you got your own car, two jobs, no kids and you a bad broad.” Right, right, we see you. More props to you. Ne-yo has a softer version, “She got her own thing, thing, that’s why I love her, miss independent can you, come spend a little time…”  You got Destiny Child’s song, Mary J. Blige’s song, and Kelly Clarkson’s song.

There are dozens of independent woman tributes out there and rightfully so. They are all saying the same thing, “you are a strong woman and you do not need a man to support you.” Independence is a great thing to have, but that does not necessarily mean that you don’t want some companionship type of companionship right? What sense does it make to become successful and come home to an empty house?

Women have come up in the last 20 years. Single mothers are holding it down, (props forever on that) women with incarcerated or deployed boyfriends are taking care of business. However, in a more radical shift, single women in conjunction to doing all those other things, are now becoming CEO’s, managers, business owners, and Secretaries of State. James Brown’s song “It’s a Man’s World would be irrelevant today. The economical landscape has shifted and women are becoming bread winners and taking on the leadership roles in companies and households.

So instead of fighting for voting rights and equal pay, one of the strong independent woman’s biggest issues is finding or keeping a man. Now I am not picking on nobody or hating on the sisters for coming up. I am addressing a question that was sent to me by one of my readers.

My friend is a very beautiful successful woman with a degree, a great job and no kids. She says that a lot of men are intimidated by her, so she posed this question to me, “Why are some men afraid of dating strong women?”

So here is my response:

I think that one of the primary reasons that men are intimidated have nothing to do with the woman being too strong, but it’s about the guy being too weak. An insecure man is the worst to kind to have, because he will drag you down quicker than a crack head would.

Men find security in knowing that you need them to take care of you. This also gives us a sense of control in the relationship. The power of knowing we can take away your comforts such as your car, clothes, or lifestyle, we do not necessarily have to handle his business with the relationship. When this element is taken away, he knows that he has to step up and do more. He knows he got to help with the kids more and wash those dishes sometimes. He also knows that he does not have the last say in financial decisions. Do you remember in Color Purple when Cielie told Mister that she was leaving him? What was his response, “You’ll be back, you poor, your ugly, you’re a woman, your nothing at all.” The only power he really had was money.

That is why a lot of times you will see a guy go after a young weak or naïve woman that he can manipulate. He never wants her to be better than him. He wants to control her and take away her self confidence.

I am sure that every woman has been with a guy who has knocked everything she has tried to do to better herself. If a woman says, “I want to go back to school.” Two months later, he will get her pregnant. A woman may want to start her own business, but he is content with loading luggage and the airport. He’s going to hate on you and say, “You know you can’t start your own salon, it will fail. You should just stay in the shop you are at.”

Then on the other side of that spectrum, some women are just dating scrubs. Women will find a loser who has no intention of bettering himself, and he has chosen to live off his sugar momma. Women fall for the okey-doke all the time; some will continue to use the woman if she allows it. Let me tell you something, if your boyfriend or potential mate does not have a car at age 35, lives at home with his momma, and has more Playstation 3 Games than neck ties in his closet, he’s a scrub and not worth your time. He is not intimidated, because, he did not have anything going on anyway. You calling his broke ass out just makes him want to go over to his baby mother’s house. All he ever had to offer was swagger, which is the new term for confidence that some men really don’t have. It’s more like hollow swag. Swagger doesn’t help anybody pay bills, raise kids, cook food or take out the trash. All swagger does is make guys walk funny. Some women fall for it though.

However, sometimes the strong woman is a victim of her own success. The power can go to her head and make a woman more arrogant any guy can ever be. Some women who never had anything in their lives will sometimes come up and then all of a sudden, nobody is good enough for them. You hear things like, “He needs to be on my level.” Nobody ever says that when a broke woman is dating an NFL player, NBA Baller or some rapper. When they are called gold diggers, you hear women say, “It’s not all about the money.” See there is a double standard here. (See Khloe Kardashian)

Underneath it all, there is a war going on between the Traditional relationships vs. the Progressive one. In a traditional relationship, men controlled the money and were the ultimate ruler and authority in the household. The woman cooked and cleaned and took care of the kids. This is of course a barbaric concept in 2009. The Progressive relationship is more of a partnership that recognizes both the man and the woman as equals in the relationship, where all of the decisions, chores and responsibilities are equally shared or given willing to the best suited person. For example, my mother was better with money than my father, therefore she handled the bills. That’s cool right, especially if it benefits the household. If a woman is married to a chef, wouldn’t cooking most likely be something he was in charge of?

Here is where another problem that lies with some women. They sometimes want to revert back to a traditional role when it suits them. If they are making more money than their mate, they expect to now be in charge. Not only that, the man will be notified on regular basis of who makes the most money. Whenever you all have an argument, the most popular phrase is, “I don’t need you; I paid for everything in here….” Some men just don’t want to be bothered with all that.

That attitude usually leads to the next issue. Women sometimes can become a little disrespectful towards a guy she has a financial advantage over. When the woman is ballin’ it’s a dictatorship, when the man has the upper hand, it’s a partnership. You can’t put a guy down and disrespect him, because you making a lot of money and he isn’t. If the guy is a school teacher and he loves doing it, why knock the man. If you guys are really in it together, it should not matter that you make more.

Even if the guy is not insecure and he is okay with having a partnership, no man is going to stay in a relationship where he has to fight his woman for his manhood. Public castration or even the appearance of it will almost guarantee a woman that fourth spot in Beyonce’s single ladies video.  Men are not going to fight you for the big piece of chicken.

The point of saying that is this. Part of being strong is being able to compromise and play the position that is necessary at the time to progress the unit . Compromise does not equal defeat.

There needs to be a balance. There are some traditional elements of relationships that will work for couples, just like there are some progressive things that work. What would help women is if they are fair. You can’t choose which type of relationship you want out of convenience. Remember how you felt when a man tried to control or belittle you, because you were working at the Gap.

Relationships are difficult period. The so-called “Strong/ Independent woman attracts the studs and the losers just like every other woman. The difference is that the weak men will run away out of fear of embarrassment and insecurity, while the strong guy who can offer the woman something, just will get tired of being treated like the woman think she’s Big Red from the 5 Heartbeat. Your ego may also be taking up too much space in the room too. Be proud of your success and independence, but don’t be self righteous, he might stay around.

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The Dow Is Up, But People are Still Down

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 On Wednesday, the Dow jumped 144 points to close at 10,015 – its biggest gain since Aug. 21 and highest close since Oct. 3 last year. Traders tossed commemorative caps and uncorked champagne. Investors believe the economy is clawing its way back from the worst downturn since the Depression. Well, Whoopty-doo!

While that may be a good sign for Wall Street, it did not do anything for Main Street, Sesame Street, Beat Street, 2300 Jackson Street, 21 Jump Street, Elm Street or my street.

The unemployment rate is 9.8% – the highest since Reagan’s first term. And the housing market is still in major trouble. It has also been reported that there has been nearly 1 million foreclosure filings in the third quarter, a 5% increase from the previous quarter and an increase of nearly 23% from the same time last year.

That basically means that we are going to have to continue to make strides to improve our own economies. One of the ways to do that is to save money on everyday expenses. There are some simple things you can do to save money.

For example, I have stopped eating out as much, but if I do, I get 30 packs of ketchup, extra cups, forks, napkins and straws to save on grocery costs.

If you are going somewhere with me, you might want to plan to leave a little earlier. I burn my gas slower than a blunt being smoked on Lil’ Wayne’s Tour bus. If you are traveling farther than 10 miles, you better have some gas money potna’.

My cell phone is my house phone. I know traditional households have a house number, but I don’t. I am not home enough to have a home number. You better be in my five, or send me a text message during the day. When I get home, my anytime minutes should have already kicked in, so you’d be straight.

I have also started using the Penny Saver ads. I clip more coupons than the Golden Girls, Danny Tanner from Full House, and Mary Jenkins from 227.  I am also buying in bulk. If you don’t know about Sam’s Club, or Costco’s, you better ask somebody.

I also bring food into the movies. Come on now, $8.00 for some popcorn and a Sprite? That is insane. How are they gonna charge people $4.00 for a Kit Kat?

Also, if you plan on bringing kids to see a movie, feed them before you leave the house. If they must have snacks, buy a dollar bag of Cheetos or something and put them in little sandwich bags and pass them around. If you cannot afford chips, bag up some fruit loops. (Make sure to get the bags back so you can reuse them later.)

(Singing in my autotuned voice) “Blame it on the Goose, blame it on the Henny. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-a-alcohol”

(Singing in my autotuned voice) “Blame it on the Goose, blame it on the Henny. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-a-alcohol”

As for you rappers, I know autotune is hot, but it is also expensive. I am going to save the hip-hop community some money as well. I am about to give the rappers an old school trick to alter their voices. Instead of paying 100k for an autotune effect, go to Wal-Mart and buy a $10 box fan. Bring the fan into the booth and bam!….Autotune.

 

In addition to saving money, you gotta get your hustle on. Unless you are related to Bill Gates, Oprah, or Tiger Woods, you need to have a hustle on the side.

Here are some of the things you can do to try to make some extra cash:

Try to get your own Endorsement deal: Whether you are acting silly with your friends or seriously pursuing a career in selling other peoples’ products, you should put your talents out there, so people can see them. Below is one of the best McDonald’s commercials that I have seen in a long time on YouTube!

Play the Lottery:

I know that we should not encourage gambling as a means to make money, but here is a way to improve your odds. Don’t forget your boy if you win though.

It’s rough for a lot of people right now, but with a little planning and hustle, you can get through it. If you are maintaining or coming up right now, great. Keep doing what you are doing. If your pockets are thinner than Beyonce’s real hair, keep grinding.

The media thought we were going to jump up for joy when they reported that the stock market rose. That was like telling me Playtex has developed a new and improved tampon. It meant nothing for me personally. It is good to know that somebody is doing better. When I hear the news that the job market is up, wages are up, or home prices are down, then maybe I’ll be excited.

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How to Make up with Your Woman

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So you messed up with your woman and she is giving you hell. Depending on how bad you messed up, she’s probably not giving you any heaven either.   (wink, wink)

You have tried everything in the playbook to make up with her. You bought roses, Godiva chocolates, Coach Bags, etc. You even tried to take her to see Tyler Perry’s new movie and to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. Then like a dummy you bought her something from Victoria Secret, like that was going to work. She got you going through a drought  like California in the summertime. When all that failed, you might have tried to get your Darious Lovehall on and recite her that whack poem you wrote on a napkin during your lunch break at work. In most cases poetry is not our thing. We usually end up writing something like, “I love you girl, and you are my world.” Yeah that’s tight huh?…Not. You are better off letting Lil Wayne write something for you.

Most of us cannot afford to buy a Kobe Bryant 4 million dollar “I’m sorry” purple diamond ring, or send our girl to San Tropez like Jay Z. What we don’t realize is, while she takes all your good intentions and kind gestures of desperation for her forgiveness, that’s not really what they wants from us.

Since the beginning of time, women have been screaming from the tallest mountain tops about what they want us to do. Even during times of peace, they have given us the keys to paradise, but we ignored it and chose to rely on the most unreliable source for advice…ourselves.

Even the Thuggiest Thug thinks that his nick-name is Billy Dee Williams. We think that if we get a chance to put it down like Jody (Tyrese Gibson) did with Yvette (Taraje P. Henson) in the movie Baby Boy, or make her laugh like Trey (Cuba Gooding Jr.) did Brandy (Nia Long) on the porch in Boyz N the Hood, that all will be forgiven.

The fellas know what I am talking about. We have been involved in over one thousand three hundred and seventy-one arguments with our women. Usually when you mess up, you and your woman will argue and not talk to each other. Some time will go by and she’ll go back to talking to you and you will think that things are back to normal. I got news for you….it’s not. Women NEVER forget and while you sitting back poppin’ your collar like you are the Player of the Year; she is planning your demise and has loaded herself with the most potent ammunition for the next argument or payback.

So I am going to help the fellas how to make up with your woman and restore peace and love back into your relationship. Pay attention, because this might stop Big Mike from stealing your quality time.

 Here are the 3 easy steps:

 Step #1. Admit You Messed Up

 Just like alcoholics anonymous, the first step is admitting you have a problem. You must admit you are wrong; this is not the time to try to lie or out think her. Women have a built in memory like a 20 gigabyte Apple computer. One of the biggest flaws known to man is not admitting when we are wrong. Man up, take a deep breath and say the phrase that is sure to calm the storm,“baby, I was wrong.”

 Step #2. LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN

This is the golden rule for eternal happiness with your woman. Listen to her. All she wants is for you to respect her, let her express how she feels, and acknowledge how she feels. The dude that she will cheat on you with listens to her. He is interested in every tiny detail of her day and opinion. Trust me.

When you are listening to her, give her your undivided attention. Turn the football game off, pause the Play Station, and please don’t text your homeboys while she is talking to you. The other thing you have to watch is your body language. Be attentive, face her, and nod your head when she is making points. If necessary, try to delay the argument to a Tuesday or Wednesday when the game is not on.

Don’t allow yourself to get frustrated when she replays the entire situation for you, although you were there the first time. She has to do this to express herself and to get over what has upset her. It’s like watching those boring scenes in the movie Titanic with your woman. All you want to see is when the boat starts sinking, but you have to sit through entire movie with her, just because she loves the build up.

 Step #3. Respond to her when she is finished talking!

After you have confessed and listened to her, you are not done yet. Now you have to prove that you were listening. You have to say something that reassures her that, (1) you are not an idiot, and (2) She’s not an idiot for taking you back.

When she is finished talking, do not shrug it off and just say, “aight.” Say something about how you plan to fix things, or not make the same mistake again. Look her in the eyes, hold her hand (if she let’s you), and end it with a kiss and a hug. It’s that easy.

So I know what the guys may be thinking, “What do I do if the 3 step program does not work?”

The 3 step program is for Type 1 Offenses such as: petty arguments, getting caught flirting, staying out all night with your friends, lying about how much money you got stashed away, etc.

Now if you did something off the chain, like got another woman pregnant or tried to hit her, just move to another city and cut your losses. (Kidding) You should try the 3 step process, then proceed to plan B, which is better suited to handle Type 2 Offenses.(Cheating, cheating, hitting, cheating, lying and cheating, etc.)

Plan B is for emergencies only and it is important to know that these tactics should be used only as a last resort.

Tactic 1: Begging

Don’t be too proud to beg. Let her know she is worth the effort. So go ahead and get your Keith Sweat on. You would beg for your life if someone had a gun to your head right?

Tactic 2: Crying

Under no other circumstances do I condone a man crying, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. What is important to know about your “cry” is that it is like a lifeline on the TV show “Who wants to be a Millionaire?” You can only use this one once. After you cry one time, every other time you cry makes you a straight bee-yotch! You got to save this one like it’s the big joker in a game of spades.

Tactic 3: Crying & Begging

If all else fails, this tactic is the atomic bomb of reconciliation. If she does not take you back or forgive you after you do this, just pack up your stuff and call Tyrone. Go to her house and  make sure she is available to talk for at least seven minutes. If she says, “yes,” sit her down on the couch and give her the best Lenny Williams performance of your life.

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No Peace with Nobel Prize for Obama

United States President Barack Obama was recently awarded the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples. Here is a President who inherited the worst U.S. economy ever in the history of mankind, two wars in the Middle East, unemployment at 1930’s depression level, no cooperation from the other side of the aisle, people hating on everything he tries to do, and a terrible barber, but still managed to make progress towards world peace and improving our reputation in the world. That should be great news right?

In light of Chicago losing the bid for the 2016 Olympics to Rio De Janeiro, you would think that having our President win one of the top awards in the world would restore some national pride and excitement.

Don’t you feel good when somebody makes it out of your neighborhood into the limelight? Wasn’t there some knuckle head kid you knew growing up, that made it to the league or became a doctor, actor or something? Weren’t you proud?

Collectively, that’s how I thought people in our country would feel. After all he represents us all as Americans right? Some people haven’t realized that he actually won the election. While it was a historic accomplishment for him to be the first African American President, this award was not a black people award. This was not the “Norvel Peace” Prize. This award was bigger than him. It represented the United States having a better reputation in the world and the optimism of his potential and current progress.

What should have been one of the proudest days in recent memory, ended up being a week shrouded in hateration and controversy. How can you hate on a man who just won the Nobel Peace Prize? That’s like calling a woman ugly after she just had a baby. (Don’t ever do that fellas)

The things that I have read on the blogs and on mainstream media news sites have been ridiculous. Why does a person have to explain why he/she should win an award? He did not run for the award like he was trying to win a spot on the high school homecoming court, he was selected by the Nobel Prize Committee. The award is not even decided in the United States. It is awarded in Oslo, Norway.

Many people say that he does not deserve it, because he did not do anything. Whether you believe that or not, how can you be mad at him? He did give it to himself.

For those unfamiliar with what the Nobel Peace Prize is, The Nobel Prizes are a series of awards which were posthumously instituted by bequest of Alfred Nobel (1895). They are currently awarded to persons and organizations that have served humanity in the fields of physics, chemistry, physiology or medicine, literature, and peace.

Obama has been really humble about winning the award. He even admitted himself that he did not feel that he deserved the award. You know if that had been Jay-Z, he would already have a song out about it. Kanye West would have been rockin’ the medal at his next concert with on a Louis Vuitton ribbon with matching shoes.

Talk about crabs in the barrel, Republican Chair Michael Steele said, what has he done to deserve this award? He should have been one of the first to congratulate the man. Well, I say for one, he has held his peace with all the people in his own country hating on him.

Yall know as soon as Joe Wilson would have called one of us a liar during a live state of the union address, the only award we would have qualified for is a UFC championship belt.

Some people are even saying that he should give the award back. Why? Did Halle Berry give her Academy award back after she won for “best actress” after shooting a porn scene in “Monster’s Balls,” I mean Ball? Did the NBA make Dirk Nowitzki give back the league MVP, when they know Lebron James should have won it? Nope.

This was not the Heisman Trophy race. Nobody is comparing him to Tim Tebow and Sam Bradford.  I don’t know anyone who ever had to prove why he/she deserves an award. Do his critics think he is only good for a BET award?

Barack is not the first President to win this award. I know that I was either really young or not around for some of their administrations, but I don’t recall anyone asking other Presidents to give their awards back. If you do your research, you’ll find out that some of those awards definitely had question marks around them.

Here are the other U.S. Presidents that have won the Nobel Peace Prize:

  1. Theodore Roosevelt—the 26th President of the United States—received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1905 for helping negotiate an end to the Russo-Japanese War. However, he played a role in the suppression of a revolt in the Philippines.
  2. Thomas Woodrow Wilson was the 28th President of the United States, and he won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1919 for creating the League of Nations.
  3. Jimmy Carter was awarded the 2002 Nobel Peace Prize, for the “decades of untiring effort to find peaceful solutions to international conflicts, to advance democracy and human rights, and to promote economic and social development.”              
  4. Al Gore and the IPCC, 2007 winners of the Nobel Peace Prize, have had the validity of their winning of the prize disputed as well.

Al Gore won without saving the world from global warming. All he had was a movie and a PowerPoint presentation about climate change. To this day, I see television shows showing the polar bears floating on a melting sheet of ice, with a Willie Nelson song playing in the background.

What do you think? Does he deserve it? Should Obama give the Nobel Peace Prize back? I say no, or as Whitney Houston would eloquently put it, “Hell to the Nawww!”

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Everybody is a Liar

264208_proKeep it real ladies and gentlemen, everybody you know is a liar. We lie about what we think, where we have been, what we have done, and who we did it with. We lie to our parents, spouses, kids, bosses, pastors and in many instances, we lie to ourselves.

Have you ever told a lie for so long that it has really become a part of your life’s memory? I lied once to a friend about winning a race in a high school track meet and I had to remind myself that I really did not win. I actually came in second….to last.

Now why did I lie? On the surface it appeared that I wanted to impress him into thinking that I was some type of superstar athletes in high school, but in reality, I just wanted to make my story sound a little more entertaining? For example I got jumped once in junior high by a dude in my negibhorhood and his cross-eyed little brother. By the time I told the story to people, it was 5 grown men and one had a gun. I mean come on, who hasn’t embellished a little bit to spice up a story.

What’s the point? The point is simply this; there are many underlying reasons why we all are “truth impaired” sometimes. Lying in itself is not bad; it’s all about the intent behind your lie. Your intent determines what class you fall into. I know the bible says, “Thou Shall Not Lie,” in the Ten Commandments, but sometimes lying is necessary. Sometimes lying saves lives, preserves personal safety, makes money, gets the girl, wins the game, keeps the peace, teaches a lesson, or makes a guy the father.

I remember as a kid, my parents used to make me lie when the Sears bill collector would call. We did not have caller ID back then, so you had to answer the phone, and my parents would make me say that they are not home.

I got hands laid on me in church (not by the pastor either) for reminding my momma about her hypocrisy in regards to lying. I could not lie to my teacher about what happened to my homework, but I could lie to my father about how much money she had in her secret bra stash. 

Speaking of church, I would sit in the pews on Sunday morning and listen to our pastor lie about having visions of people that were suppose to give him more money. He would say that 20 people are suppose to plant  a $100 seed, but when 300 people got up, he would just say his vision was cloudy. The irony was that I thought that church was the one place a person could hear the truth.

We all want to believe that we are good people and that we keep it real and that our conscience is clear, because we are so up front and deliberate in our interactions with one another. The sardonic truth is that you are a liar, but you just may not know what kind of liar you are. Are you a compulsive liar or a situational liar?

 The compulsive liar just cannot help him/herself. They lie about any and everything. They sometimes lie about stuff that is unnecessary or non-beneficial to them. These types of liars are usually trying to deceive people for the sole purposes of self elevation. These are your shysters, swindlers and opportunists.

The situational liars are people who lie based on the circumstances. In most cases, women are better situational liars. In fact, women are the Michael Jordans of situational lying.  Fellas, we are like the Tony Romos of situational lying. We have been grossly overrated, and are often sloppy under pressure. We sometimes use the wrong lie for the situation.

Below are some of the types of lies we tell:

The “Avoiding Something” Lie: Have you ever faked sick to get out of going to work? You know, when you call your boss with that Florida Evans voice proclaiming that you have the plague on Friday, but you are sure you’ll be back to work on Monday.

Ladies, have you ever needed to get out of going on a date you foolishly committed to? You told the guy you have to braid your grandma’s hair or something absolutely ridiculous like that? What about telling your guy friend you have a headache? No further explanation needed. That lie should actually be a Federal offense.

The “I Don’t Want No Drama” Lie:Fellas, you know if you tell the truth it’s going to be drama. She ask where you what happened at the club with your friends. Should you keep it real and tell her you saw, drank and danced with your ex-girlfriend?….HEEEELLLL to the Naw! You just say, “nothing and keep it moving. Don’t try to ad-lib this one, because she will catch you down the road, because you won’t be able to repeat the story.

The “Bragging” Lie: This is usually a compulsive liar. They lie about what they have, what they do, where they have been, etc. All for the sole purpose of making themselves look better. These liars end up looking like idiots.

The “I’m Busted” Lie: Have you ever been cold busted and tried to lie your way out of it? Guys lie all the time to women about what they do for a living or how many kids they have, etc. Because of our egos, we will lie to the bitter end, digging a deeper ditch and looking more and more foolish by the minute.

The “I Don’t Know” Lie: Everyone has told this lie before. Has someone ever asked you something and you did not know the answer? Instead of admitting that you did not know, and because you did not want to look dumb, you just made something up. Has your boss ever followed up with you on something you were suppose to do and you did not do it? You had to make up an entire scenario to cover your lie, and then had to spend all afternoon making the fantasy a reality.

While lying in the general sense is a morally incorrect act of deception, the bottom line is that lying makes the world go round. Everybody does it, but just not for the same reasons. We should all keep that in mind when we are prosecuting someone for not being truthful. I feel that the  reason a person’s lying is more indicative of their true character.

In many instances, liars are evil, diabolical sociopaths dedicated to serving themselves. They don’t care who they hurt, manipulate, or throw under the bus  to achieve their agenda of personal gain and satisfaction.

However some people lie to serve the greater good. There are some positives things that come from lying. For example, Some white people lied to their friends and the law about slaves hiding in their basements during the time Harriet Tubman ran the underground railroad.

Lying is also vital to the global economy. Imagine all of the industries that are built because of lies. If it weren’t for liars, we would not need lawyers, courts, the IRS, bill collectors, referees, paternity tests, detectives, child support agencies, airport security, shrinks, interrogators, health inspectors, or the old guy that checks your receipt when you leave Wal-Mart.

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David Letterman Gets His Boomerang On

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David Letterman had to expose himself the other night on his show and explain to the world that there was an attempt to extort him based on some sexual deviance he had going on at the work place. In other words, David Letterman was getting his Marcus Graham on at CBS studios and got caught up.

I have to give him props for at least coming out and admitting it. He took the power away from the media by just putting it all out there. Now they can’t try to destroy him as easily on the news and in the papers. You know the media would have had a field day with this. This is what Chris Brown should have done 6 months ago. He should have just held a press conference, did that elbow stand like he did on Stomp the Yard, and then told the truth straight up, before the media could start spreading rumors and allegations.

Letterman did it O.G. style, and now it will most likely blow over soon. Now, some people are upset and are going to try to boycott his show, but that was to be expected. Some people just can’t handle the truth. They find it hard to believe that people actually make mistakes and can man up and take responsibility for them. It does not  matter to me if he felt like he was forced to come forward or not. The fact is that he did, and that says a lot about him. He took control of the situation.

Letterman said that, in his testimony, he acknowledged sexual relationships with members of his staff.

“My response to that is, yes I have. Would it be embarrassing if it were made public? Perhaps it would,” said Letterman. “I feel like I need to protect these people – I need to certainly protect my family.”

The irony is how often David Letterman has exploited other people’s sex scandals during his late night monologues on his show, and now he has a scandal of his own. He went in for weeks on Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. I know it was all in fun, but I hope that he can take what he has dished out over the years.

After all,  it’s not like he killed anyone, so I think it will blow over soon enough. People will just crack their jokes and spoof him a few times on YouTube. This story is not juicy enough to role in the news cycle for too long. It’s not like when Michael Jackson died. They still don’t want to let that go. He’s dead man!!! I think that his funeral is still playing on MTV. I think this situation will be more like when Michael Phelps got caught smoking that sticky-icky oooh-weeee. People forgot about it after a while, and Phelps was doing Subway commercials. (By the way, nobody boycotted Subway for that). David Letterman is not the first and won’t be the last to do what he did. He’ll take his criticism in the media, be judged by the moral police and things will go back to normal when the next big scandal comes out. This thing is probably going to help boost his ratings.

The question I have is what women had relations with David Letterman? That’s is the million dollar question. That’s like me hooking up with Florida Evans. I guess if Jermaine Dupree can get Janet Jackson and women can fight over Flavor Flav, anything is possible. In the end, I guess money still rules the world. Because we all know that David Letterman the “bus driver” would not have gotten  that kind of action. I am willing to bet that those women were just doing something strange for a little piece of change.

At least he is not being indicted for anything regarding this incident, because celebrities have been getting screwed in court lately. They all have been catching time and heavy fines, so Mr. David Let “her” man, needs to count his blessings. He might have ended up in court like Martin, trying to convince the judge that the case should be thrown out due to the fact that he was insane….

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