Category Archives: Relationships

You aint Bad…You Aint Nothing!!

Some people want to pretend that they are  like Master P would say, “bout it, bout it,” and they are as cold-hearted as  Marlo Stansfield from HBO’s “The Wire.”  However, the reality is while there are people in the world who will throw down at the drop of a hat, there are still a large majority of people who would not throw rice at a Chinese wedding. I am not knocking non-violent people, because I am a non-violent person myself. I have been around long enough to know we are all not built to be Kimbo Slice or Tupac. My problem is when I see people perpetrating like they Dough Boy, and then not doing nothing.

Do you know someone in your family or circle of friends that talk a lot of smack about fighting and don’t do nothing? They make a big ass scene  in public and then fall backwards on somebody in the crew saying, ” Don’t hold me, Don’t hold me!” Then they get in the car and say, “Man, I was about to whip his ass!”

It’s not becuase they just like  being in the drama, I realized this is a defense mechanism too. The art of the non-fighting trash talker is the ability to bluff your way out of a physical altercation, by verbally intimidating your opponent. This is done mainly for show and in many cases, because the person really can’t or won’t fight.

Now as an adult, I don’t condone fighting over frivolous things, but if you are going to set it off, just do it. You don’t have to make a proclamation about it. There’s nothing worse than seeing a guy talking trash in his DMX voice, then getting his brakes beat off or his cord pulled. I recently witnessed shit talking at its finest recenlty and I just had to write something about it.

I was playing basketball at the gym the other day and these two guys started arguing about a foul called during a pick-up game. The older white guy called a foul on the black guy and the brother turned into Debo and threatened to kick the white guy’s ass for even insinuating that he committed a foul. Before it got too crazy, all the fellas stepped in and broke up the faux scuffle.  The white guy did not seem to be scared, he brushed it off  and tried to take the ball out and keep playing, but my brother did not want to let it go….He went on and on about where he was from and how he was the realist triple O.G. #1 in the fitness center…Yes, we were playing at a fitness center. It’s not like we were in the hood at Stallings Park or something, we was in a National fitness center chain complete with a Café, health spa, and Yoga classes. I’m not too sure he would have been as bold in the hood. But in the suburbs, he thought he was Big Meech, Larry Hoover….(Rick Ross Song) This dude was acting like we were in Angola State Penitentiary on the prison yard playing for our respect. He continued to give us the rundown on his criminal pedigree, and because of it, we should not mess with him. “He was from the street; he did too much dirt in his past.” It made me mad, because I hate when people talk trash; especially when aint no action behind it. A lot of time they do it, because they think they have an advantage. He knew the white guy was not going to fight him. So, he gassed himself up. He was like Mad Dog on Good Times trying to punk J.J. Evans.

You know there are different types of trash talkers, but in most cases, the trash talking is to cover up the fact that they are not as bout it as they say they are. It’s actually kind of funny to listen to. This guy was a “Past Trash” talker. He was talking about things he been through to let us know that he did not play. The way he was running it down, he should have either been in jail for life, or a millionaire. Like he really shot and stabbed people on the regular….C’mon son. We d on’t believe you, you need more people….

After we broke them up again, this dude was still running his mouth as we ran up and down the court until he stopped play again to talk to all of us. He grabbed the ball at half court and declared,” The next dude that fouls me, is gonna get punched in the face…” We all were laughing, because he was basically threatening everybody, except me and the other three dudes that was on his team. He went to calling out his gang name and how he could have one of his crews come in a help him handle his business….Negro please!

Before anyone else could say anything, one of the other black guys on the opposite team could not take it anymore, he jump in the self proclaimed triple O.G.’s  face and said, “Who you gonna hit?” I guess he calls himself being the hero, but all of us were thinking the same thing. The other white guys on the court were looking scared like, “oh shit, the black guys are gonna throw down O.G. style.”

I wasn’t scared of this clown. If a guy really wanted to do something, it would have happened already. I was just embarrassed for him. He looked like an ass.  Why my people always got to be the ones ruining the good time at group activities…

I just wanted to play ball. All the white guys were looking at me like, “Do something Obama!” Before you knew it, the black dudes were pacing with each other shoulder to shoulder in a circle saying, “Do something…..you do something…swing….. nah you swing…” It was pathetic. This was how we did it in elementary school. I was waiting for someone to knock a twig off someone’s shoulder.

You know what’s worse than a dude talking noise? Its two dudes talking noise to each other. They are (1) trying to bluff each other into believing they are hard, and (2) trying to convince the white people on the court that black guys keep it hood no matter where we are. The truth of the matter is if one of them really wanted to fight, it would have happened without the dramatic scene. I think I even heard someone say,” just fight already, damn!”

After a few more minutes of the drama, everyone else quit and left them on the court arguing. They messed up the game for everybody. At this point I was mad. I felt like, I wanted to see some type of action now that they ruined the game.

I don’t want to generalize, but I felt like this guy was under the impression that people were going to be intimidated by him, because he was a big black guy with tattoos. (You know there is nothing scarier than a big black guy with tattoos…LOL.) Actually there is….TWO big black guys with tattoos! (Joking). Nobody cared about this dude or his ranting. He actually pissed people off by talking so much.

The irony is most of the hardest dudes in the world hardly ever said a word before they got someone. Jason on Friday the 13th just walked down the street and chopped your ass up. The monkey man from the movie The Golden Child couldn’t talk, he just choked you with his chain.  Now I know that there are exceptions to every stereotype. Mohammed Ali talked noise and backed it up, Scarface talked shit, and Fred Sanford talked about giving people a fat lip, but we are talking about the everyday average Joe.  Most of the real bout it averae Joe’s in the world don’t waste time giving you a speech about what they are going to do. When you wake up in the hospital three days later, you usually find out he/she whupped your ass.

Also as a side note, black people aren’t the only people that talk trash either.  All people do it. It’s a part of some people’s human  nature. It’s just more evident in black people, because we do it so well. We can paint you a picture of what we can do to you.  You are psyched out before anything happens. I remember my mother told me as a kid that she would stomp a mud-hole in my ass if I went outside while she was at work. Now I had no clue of what a mud-hole was, but I had no doubts she could do it. I envisioned her stomping me in my mind and it hurt. So needless to say, i did not go out. This is what some people use to their advantage. If I can convince you that I’m not to be played with, I get the glory even if I don’t touch you. That’s wack to me.

Handle your business when you have to, but stop talking noise, especially if  you aint gonna do jack!

 

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Got a Weight Problem Ladies? ….Well Work Out Then!

It’s that time of year again when all the gyms are getting packed. By the time 5 p.m. rolls around, you can’t even find a parking spot. All the “New Year’s Resolution” ladies may have fallen off, but the second waves of fair-weather trainers are coming out the wood work. You know who they are, they are the women that have been eating pot roast, Now & Laters, and donuts all during the winter, and are finally deciding to work out, because it’s warming up outside.

Even though they are in the way of the real trainers, I actually think that it is commendable for women to work towards their physical fitness goals, even if they start too late. I mean, what woman wants to show off her “thankles” in a bikini looking like a high school cafeteria lady. You don’t want to be called Kim “Kar-fat-agains” all summer.

 (“Thankles” are when your fat thighs, calves, and ankles are the same size all the way down your leg.)

What I hate is that, instead of joining curves, or doing P90X, or something like that, some women prefer to deceive people by buying into all these gimmicks and contraptions under their clothes.  Some women are wearing more gear than Iron-Man.

I know that there are all types of mechanisms out there to hide being out of shape or over weight. I think it is ridiculous. I have seen women with a “booty-do” on Monday, and then on Tuesday, show up to work with a flat stomach and a curvaceous body. So we thought….

(“Booty do” when your stomach sticks out further than your booty do)

It’s wrong to mislead the bruhs’ like that. Women are looking all fine with a coke bottle shape and then when a guy takes you home it all falls out like Buddy Love turning back into Sherman Klump on The Nutty Professor. Do some crunches, walk on the treadmill, or buy some roller skates….something. Why live a lie?

The problem is that, as usual, most of the ladies wait until the last minute to try to get right. You can’t get a body like Stacy Dash overnight, it takes hard work. I hear women in the gym talking to each other everyday, talking about, “Girl, I’m gonna be sexy for “The Essence” (Music Festival).” That’s wack. How about saying, “Girl, I’m gonna be sexy…period.”

Women try to lose weight for events. They go hard for major life proceedings like weddings, vacations, birthday parties, and marital affairs. What they don’t realize is that losing weight and maintaining a healthy weight and shape is a year-round lifestyle change, and once you get to the size you want, maintaining it is easy.

The problem is they want a quick fix. They are not willing to put in the work.  Some women are trading in the ab-roller for a tummy tuck.

Now I know that there are some women who have surgery for medical reasons, but there are some that have it for plain ole lazy reasons. I hear women say all the time that they are getting a tummy tuck and having gastric bypass surgeries. Then right after the surgery, they gain all the weight back. Some people don’t realize that you still have to work out. They go right back to eating hotdogs, marshmallows and gravy, without doing so much as a jumping-jack.

Have you seen what the gastric bypass procedure looks like?

Now I know that there are some beautiful women both big and small dedicated to healthy living and overall body maintenance. This article is directed to the slackers that are trying to skate the system and deceive us men. While it is my goal is to keep it real, I don’t want to just bash the ladies. I just want to shed light on a sensitive topic and also uplift my sisters by encouraging healthier living.

So instead of wearing push up bras, girdles, body shapers and leg-warmers, here are some tips to jumpstart your healthy lifestyle and improve your body’s appearance:

1. Set realistic expectations.

Don’t try to get built like Melissa Ford when you to look like a Ford Explorer. Set a more realistic goal. Weigh and measure yourself, then set short incremental weight loss goals. Unless you are smoking crack, you won’t drop 80 pounds in a month.

2. Take some workout classes.

Now I know that we are in a recession. Everybody can’t afford to pay for a trainer. I also know that everyone’s schedule does not permit them to attend formal aerobics classes. What you can do is buy some workout DVD’s. Programs like P90X might be too much for you, but I am sure there are some less expensive, but effective workout videos out there.

3. Don’t try all these gimmick diets and phony workout toys.

Although you may find pleasure in using this, it’s not really effective workout equipment.

4. Go with your man to the Gym.

This will help you three-fold. (1) You will have someone to push you and support your effort (2) It will make your relationship better. More quality time and (3) Your man can’t cheat on you with gym freaks anymore.

Now get out there and work out!!

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I Need a Window Seat Next to Erykah Badu

People act like they never saw a naked woman before…..To me, Erykah Badu has always been a deep and soulful artist, but now all of a sudden the mainstream media is trying to play her like she is some desparate deviant diva vying for attention and record sales. Aww Phooey! It’s not like she pulled a stunt like lil’ Kim did at an award show on the red carpet with the glitter pasty on her left breastasis’.

My, my, my, how soon we forget…Back in the day, Madonna used to pop up naked all the time at weddings, picnics and report card conferences, and nobody would say a thing.  Pink gets naked for every awards show and does an aerial ribbon in the sky performance, and people call her “creative and bold.” I think people let it ride, beucause Pink has the body of a 13 year-old boy. On the real, I really think that people have been hating on Erykah, because of how fine she looked. It takes a lot to go in the buff on a busy street in broad daylight. Erykah did the damn thing. She was just strutting down the street with that, “I got a big booty walk.”

Jealousy is a terrible thing.  Some people are trying to say that it’s a big deal, because of where she did it. All of a sudden, President Kennedy’s assassination site is a sacred place. Let me be clear, the assasination of one of our greatest Presidents ever was a terrible thing. It was one of the darkest days in our country’s history. However, I don’t think the street he was shot on should be treated like the road to Damascus.

If this place was so sacred, why haven’t they cracked down on all the real crimes that happen in this area. Bums piss on the grassy knoll, crack-heads buy rocks there, and people still get shot on that very same street. Yet, people on the news were crying out, “how could she do that on the same land Kennedy was killed on?”

Why no outcry for Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., USA? These streets have murders, rapes and drug deals go on everyday and nobody says a thing. “Ground Zero” in New York City still has a hole in the ground. The alley in South Central Los Angeles where Ricky was shot still has prostitutes running through it. Is any street in America really sacred?

 People with flat butts and big guts are saying that she did it for record sales….GTFOH. That’s their way of saying, “she’s got a fatty and I have a flatty.” Hateration at its finest. It’s always somebody with a chewed up body hating on somebody else who is confident enough to show their bodies off. Erykah is the bomb, but she don’t need her ass to sell records. I could see if this was a sexual song a la’ D’Angelo’s song “untitled.”

Erykah Badu has always had a large fan base and she did not need a publicity stunt to generate a buzz. She makes great music….period. The woman was making an artistic statement in this video. I don’t quite know what it is yet, but I am sure that after I watch it a few more hundred times, I will figure it out.

Andre’ 3000 and Common knew a long time ago, what most of us were just recently able to witness to. Erykah Badu should change her name to Erykah Badonk-a-donk-du.

What is interesting about this is that Lady Ga Ga can come out wearing some Mardi Gras beads and some glitter-glad wrap to a catholic church service and people would call her an “artist.” The double-standards in our society are amazing.

 Even if they continue to bash her and charge her with indecent exposure, I am still buying her album. The song is actually good and I am sure the album will be great.

If they try to charge her with anything else…(singing) I think she better callllll Tyyyrooonee!!!

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My Thoughts on 2010…. and Tiger Woods.

I know that I have been gone for a minute, but I am back in full – effect. I had some issues to take care of over the past few months but like Jay Z said, “I just thugged my way my through,” and now I have more time to write again. I had to make a stand just like Michael Evans did win the Jr. Warlords tried to punk him on Good Times.

So much has happened in the past few months, and I have so many topics that I want to write about, I don’t know where to start. So, I am just going to catch up on a few things that have happened in the news that I have opinions about.

Here are some of my random thoughts and opinions:

Gilbert Arenas Avoids Jail

Suspended NBA star Gilbert Arenas was sentenced to two years of supervised probation Friday for bringing guns into his team’s locker room.

He also is to serve 30 days in a halfway house. He will be required to serve 400 hours of community service and contribute $5,000 to a fund for victims of violence.

I am glad this dude did not go to prison. He is not a threat to society. He may be dumb as hell, but not a menace to society like some people are trying to paint him.

What is up with all of these celebrity and athletes catching gun charges? If you got more than $10 million dollars in the bank, hire a body-guard. Also, why do they act like they cannot register their guns? They can buy 24 inch spinning rims, but can’t get a gun permit? GTFOH!

Since we are on this topic, I also think they should free Plaxico Burress. Stupidity without hurting anyone should not require a jail sentence.

 Healthcare Reform Passed

I have no immediate feelings about recently passed healthcare reform bill itself yet. However, I do applaud President Obama for having the endurance to pass any legislation amidst all of the opposition he faced, which in some cases had nothing to do with the bill itself. It’s really because he is what the tea party calls a “Socialist” (African-American)

For the simple fact that the bill is over 2700 pages long, I am willing to bet that NOBODY has read the bill in its entirety, so a lot of the drama around it is pure speculation and hateration. 

While I am sure that I could find something that I disagree with in the 2700+ pages of manuscript, it seemed that the Republicans were just hell bent on preventing the President and his Democratic majority from passing anything.

Once I educate myself a little more, I will have a better opinion on the details. What I do know after having a baby last year, something had to change. I spent too much money to on stuff that they gave to ILLEGAL immigrants for free. I am not hating on them, but when an Aspirin is $80.00, something aint right.

Two words: Unity Please?

 EarthQuake in Haiti

This earthquake was a terrible disaster and my heart goes out to all of the victims in Haiti. It’s a messed up situation and I wish them all the best in rebuilding their country and their lives.

Now I know I am going to tick some people off, but I am going to say what I am sure a lot of people have been thinking. Haiti is always going to be a slum and they are not going to rebuild it. …. Rebuild it to what? It was the poorest country in the western hemisphere and it is going to stay that way. Coca-Cola is not coming to build plants there; they are not getting a Wal-Mart or a Ford plant. Puh-leaase. I wish instead of just buying tents and buckets to get water for people to gather out of make shift wells, that someone came up with a plan to modernize the place and help build a better future for the country. I would love to see Haiti get new schools, hospitals and infrastructure.

People are donating all kinds of money and most of it is going into rich peoples’ pockets.  I am positive that the infrastructure there will still look like shit five years from now. I just read an article that Wyclef Jean (Mr. Haiti himself) gave some money from his charity for Haitian relief to his lil jump off. If he is doing that, that’s terrible.

Now let’s not get it twisted, there are people helping and making a difference, but after this is not the top newsheadline, people are gonna to forget about this disaster.

As for now, people have tried to do all they could. They have held telethons and they have even re-recorded “We are the World” with Lil Wayne singing on autotune and everything, but Haiti still looks like…well….Haiti.

They keep saying that the world won’t forget about Haiti, but just look in our own backyard: Is there a new World Trade Center up yet in New York City? Think about New Orleans and Hurricane Katrina. Is the 9th ward back on and poppin’

Haiti was being messed over long before the earthquake and just like hurricane Katrina did New Orleans, it just exposed a lot of ills that the rest of the world forgot about or never cared to know.

Monique Wins an Oscar

Congratulations to Monique on her Oscar……but is it me or does a black woman got to play a role as a crack-head whore or an incestuous ghetto baby momma pedophile to win an academy award in Hollywood? That’s garbage, because actresses like Angela Bassett and Oprah Winfrey have played excellent roles in movies like The Color Purple and What’s Love Got to do With It, but did not win.

Don’t give me that jive about Jennifer Hudson either. She was still a loud uneducated ghetto baby momma too in Dreamgirls, she just could sing.

They say it’s about the performance, but to me it’s more about the negative image that they are portraying.They are  giving awards for these sisters playing the stereotype.

Tiger Woods

Just play golf bruh! You are not the first or last adulterer in this world. As long as you did not bang some woman during the nationally televised broadcast of the Masters, you don’t owe the media an explanation about your personal life. You are not perfect (duh); neither are the people judging you. Keep it moving….

By the way, you’re not a sex addict…you’re a man! People are always trying to run to rehab for something. What type of rehab is out there for a man (with millions and fame) who likes to have sex with willing, women. What do you do in rehab, besides practice abstinence and dream about the day you get out, so you can get some?

Using drugs is not a normal activity, drinking is not a normal everyday activity, but sex is a natural biological function. How are you going rehab from that? Can you make a lion a vegetarian?

Lil Wayne Goes to Jail

Another celebrity with a gun charge. Youuuungg Muula Baabyy!

Seriously though, I don’t wish prison on nobody. Period. I just hope Lil Wayne has a positive message for all these youngsters and old ass adult youngsters that are looking up to him.

You are not a thug, you’re an artist. You went to McMain homey. Stay up!

American Idol is Garbage

This has to be the worst installment of this show ever. I am more than sure this will be the last go around for American Idol.  Paula ans Simon will be gone and Ellen should not ever judge musical talent again.

I guess all the aspiring R&B and Alternative artists I know in the United States were not qualified to go to Hollywood, but the average Joe-Shmo is on TV every night trying to become the next American Idol. Shucks, I think I could have made it through this year.

I definitely think my homey Eli would have went through:

I am sure that everyone in a city where they had auditions is like, “damn I should have taken off work that day to go audition for the show.”

These singers are trash and not only that, they are voting off the most decent ones out the group. It’s like you are choosing the best from the worst. If you had to choose a wife out of Weezy Jefferson, Florida Evans, and Harriet Winslow, wouldn’t you be mad as hell if they eliminated Harriet Winslow?

This was the best thing that happened on American Idol this year.

Reggie Bush Leaves Kim Kardashian

The only ring Reggie is interested in is the ring he won in Miami. Kim is not wifey material, she’s only nightly material. Can you see her being a mother and raising a family? She is actually not a celebrity to me. She’s just a pretty woman who dates famous men.

Celebrity couples are given too much credit anway. They don’t have more meaningful relationships than us regular folks, nor are they role models for “average couples.” They are just like us with more money. Some people act like celebrity relationships are these magical unions that are suppose to end in marriage. It seems more like these celebrity relationships end in either a scandal, a reality show or herpes.

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

The Marine Corps’ top officer says he would want to avoid housing gay and heterosexual Marines in the same rooms on base if the ban on gays openly serving in the military is lifted.

I say, it does not matter. They are thousands of homosexuals serving in the military today and it’s not a big deal. There is a gay soldier today in the barracks sleeping right next to a straight soldier. So what? Do they think if they make separate barracks that the gay guys are going to have pink Hello Kitty sheets on the beds and that they are going to wear lavender army fatigues with skinny leg pants?

If they are that bent out of shape, why not separate the troops by race again, or religion. Maybe the Muslim soldiers can become a new suicide bomber unit.. (Sarcasm)

I just think that the military has more important things to worry about.

Truth be told, I support all of our American soldiers who volunteer and put their life on the line for the rest of us scary, fat, lazy, or uninterested Americans who wouldn’t go to war even if they were drafted by Obama himself.

If I was kidnapped by the taliban on the way to the store or attacked by a foreign force, and a group of U.S. soldiers  jumped from a helicopter to save me, I am not going to stop the guys and say, “excuse me, are you gay? I only want straight men to save my life.”

You got a whole bunch of straight people that wouldn’t even help you fix a flat tire on the highway. I say leave them alone.

I’ll be back in a week with a new original topic……Holla!

 

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The New Years…..Revolution

 

Five, four, three, two, one…..HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Its 2010, celebrate at the party with all your friends, pop the fire-works, do the stanky leg with your cousins, and finish the last of the liquor. Let’s end the decade with a bang! You’ve worked hard all year, endured some drama, and survived a depression. You deserve to get loose. (Singing Jay-Z) On to the next one! On to the next one!

The New Year has rolled around and you are excited about all of the new possibilities that the New Year has to offer. Just like Tevin Campbell said in his song Tomorrow: “To-morrow will bring, a bet-ter you, a better, meeeee! To-gether, we’ll show this world, we got more we could beeeee!”

(Record Scratches) But now what? It’s 2010 and just like you do every single year, you make up some “New Year” resolution that you cannot live up to. I know, because I have done it too.

 I used to always say that I was going to stop cursing, but shiiiiiiiiiit! (See what I mean?)

I know what you are thinking, the New Year is suppose to be a new beginning and you want to start things off on the right foot and yada, yada, yada; In some families it is a tradition and yada , yada,  yada…

However, how many times have you said, “I’m going to start working out this year?” Then you buy a membership to The French Riviera Spa and spandex outfits like Sherman Klump did on the Nutty Professor and you get all your friends to join you in your new workout regimen. You go strong for about a week and then your group of 300 Spartans dwindles back down to the 3 Little Pigs. After about two weeks, it’s back to Popeyes and Krispy-Kreme donuts.

I have also heard people say, “I am going to spend more time with my family.” You start off good and spend Martin Luther King Jr. Holiday with them, and then you don’t see them again until Thanksgiving. The only time you might see them in between holidays is if they let you claim lil’ Man-Man on your taxes and you feel guilty about not letting them come over and spend the night.

At this very moment, someone is declaring that they are going to start their own business…….Right now; someone is changing their mind and pushing it back to NEXT year, “Grand Opening Grand Closing!”

New Years resolutions put too much pressure on people. It’s hard to quit bad habits cold turkey. You set yourself up for failure by making an annual declaration to the world that you are going to stop or start doing something that you could not do the entire year before. All of a sudden, just because it’s January, you’re going to stop smoking weed? Okay Cheech and Chong. How can you give up drinking with Mardi Gras just around the corner? You say you’re going do better with your money, but the new 2010 Maxima just came out. You know you gots to have it!

It’s also hard to make life-changing decisions in January. The kids are still in school, so you can’t move. Nobody is hiring, so you can’t get a new job. You did not get your income taxes yet, so you can’t buy that house and get the Obama tax credit, and there is no way in hell you are going to the gym everyday in this cold ass weather.  

I propose a new approach; we are going to call it the “New Years Revolution.”  Everyone should do the same old stuff they have been doing since 2009, and start weaning themselves into their resolutions around March. That way, you miss the failure slump that most new years changes bring. This will give you some time to plan a little bit better.

This January 1st deadline is unrealistic. You need time to gradually pull away…It’s vital to the success of your Revolution.

You can do it, just not today…

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The Ghetto Big Brother is Watching…

So I am sure that everyone has at least heard one conspiracy theory or two about how “Big Brother” (The U.S. Government) is watching your every move with their traffic-light cameras, monitors on the internet, GPS systems in cars and phones, and un-warranted wire-taps on your cell phones, etc.. Yes these things do exist, but there is another brother watching you that you are not aware of, and in most cases, they are doing more damage to your privacy than you think…It’s not the Chinese, it’s not that creepy bundle of money with the big eyes on those Geico Insurance commercials, it is everyday people.

It’s the people around you. It’s the guy in the grocery store standing behind you in the check-out line; it’s the kids in the mall, and to bring it even closer to home…..your mate. Technology has become a blessing and curse, just like Sarah Connor said it would in the Terminator when Skynet made the super-computer that decided to destroy the world. In the words of Southwest Airlines, “You are no longer safe to move around country.”

Anybody with a cell phone and a computer, can be Jack Bauer and track you down, set you up, get you busted, or just embarrass the hell out of you over the internet. Think about it, your girlfriend and your nosy ex-girlfriends are checking your Facebook page right now to find out who your friends are, what you are doing, and who you are doing it with. She also gets a text from Bank of America every time you use your visa debit card. She  getd the dollar amount you charged and the location of the charge. She also has the GPS tracking dot she can follow on the computer thanks to your cell phone.

You want to try to creep in the new BMW you just bought? Don’t do it big pimpn,’ she has a GPS system on that too, she got Onstar and a low-jack. She can kill the engine where ever you are until she gets there to Tiger Woods your ass right in front of the club.

Let’s say you lied to your boss about why you’re not coming to work? Well you better hope your house does not show up on GOOGLE MAPS! This site can show your house in live living color 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I called my father one day who lives all the way in Longview, Texas while googling his apartment address. I got to see so close, I could see his bicycle on the balcony. I said, “Dad, you should move your bike before someone steals it.” Man did that freaked him out. This made me think, hmmmm, every time I leave my house, someone can be watching me on the internet.

The biggest thing that has gone too far is the camera phone. You can be made into a YouTube sensation without even trying. Think I’m lying? Just get into a fight in a public place. People don’t break up fights or use their phone to call the police anymore; they just flip on the camera and make you their latest YouTube post. People have become so good at it, that CNN is now asking people to send them their videos they record so that CNN can air them with their news stories. 

There should be a law against people doing that….For real, for real.

With all that going on, you still have people out here who are dumb enough to just tell you all day, what they are doing and where they are going on Twitter. This is out of control, but this one is a self-imposed invasion of privacy. Just tell all your business: “I’m at Wal-Mart, I just passed gas…it stank, I’m driving down the street, Oops my license is suspended…I being pulled over by the police. D’OH!!” I can write a whole new article on Twitter alone.

 Just watch your back out here in these streets. Big Brothers are watching…..

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Grown People Should Not Be Street Fighting

Remember when you were growing up and dealing with most of your issues could be settled in a matter of minutes? Any time you had a problem with somebody at school, in the neighborhood, at church, at the post office, or whatever, you could meet them after the event and settle the matter with a little scuffle? Then you all could move on with your lives with a clear conscience.

For those who were not motivated to fight, you would put a stick on their shoulder and dare the other person to knock it off. This would be the match that was sometimes needed to start the fire. Nonetheless, the fight ensued and the people were able to release their tension.

Back in the day, getting your occasional scrap on was both  fun and exhilarating. It was also necessary to build character while growing up in the hood or in a large family of ghetto cousins and siblings.

Then something happened that would change your life forever…you grew up! You realized that aside from the possibility of being charged with felony assault, battery, or even attempted murder; fighting in the street like an ignorant buffoon was not a good look. Not to mention the possibility of being sued by the loser and in some cases losing your job.

The point that I am trying to make is that if you are grown you should not be fighting in the streets, like you are still a teenager. What some adults don’t realize is that, they are not in high school anymore and you don’t have to fight to prove you are tough. Adults are also setting bad examples for their kids. Not to mention, some people are taking major “L’s” (Losses). People are putting the beat downs on youtube and your insurancce does not have a deductible for ass whippins’. This phase of your life should be over, you should be enjoying the adult years of your life.

Have you ever gone out to a club where everyone was dressed up nice and people were drinking and dancing to the music and then all of a sudden, Pookie sees Keisha’s brother who owes him three dollars from two years ago and he wants payback? He starts a bar room brawl and ruins the night for everybody. They get kicked out the club all drunk and bloody. It’s pretty lame to see. What about the fights your friends start and expect you to jump into? This aint boys in the hood man! We aint Ricky and Dough-boy no more..

What about women who have fights at weddings and baby showers? Hot ghetto mess. And when women fight whew!! Breastasis’ pop out, weaves are yanked out, and women are more likely to stab one another. Nine times out of ten, this fight is over a guy. Men hate to see this type of violence with our women…Unless they are fine!

Adults should realize that the best way to win a fight is to walk away. As a mature rational thinking adult, you should be able to diffuse or avoid certain situations without having to get your Roy Jones Jr. on.

However, I do realize that there are some exceptions to every rule. After all, I have had my fair share of altercations in my lifetime. I understand that there are some situations that may require you to handle your business:

  1. You joined the UFC to earn extra income
  2. You are in Prison and someone wants to cuddle
  3. Someone does something to your Spouse/Kids
  4. Somebody hits you first
  5. Rihanna questions you about a text message (Kidding)
  6. Somebody talking about your momma!!!

Other than that, you got to let it ride. Road rage, he said/she said, verbal altercations, and stepping on shoes by accident, should not end up with you clocking somebody with a blunt object.

A lot of people think that they have to fight to keep it real. Keepin’ it real is one of the dumbest phrases ever that has ruined a generation.

Here is an example where keeping it real goes wrong. I work out at what is supposed to be a premier (Expensive as hell) fitness center, where the clientele consists of really wealthy and supposedly well-off people. I was playing a pick-up game of 5-on-5 basketball and a fight broke out between two guys that were arguing about a foul that was called. One guy called the other one a cheating bitch and the other guy “kept it real.” He called the guy a punk ass bitch, and then proceeded to swing on him. What he did not know is that the other guy was a retired martial arts instructor. In two short moves, the guy that threw the first punch had a busted lip and a lump in his neck (ouch). What was so terrible about the fight is that he looked bad while he was getting his ass whipped. You can tell he was bullied as a kid.  He really did not know how to fight. He did a lot of foot shuffling and non-existent boxing combinations in the air. The guy that won thought he was about to get accolades for winning the fight. He made his victory speech and was trying to explain how he was a bad ass back in the day, but all the guys quit playing and went home. Nobody wanted to be around all that foolishness. We were all grown ass men with families and responsibilities. After the fake ass rumble in the jungle, the guys were kick out of the gym and they both had their memberships revoked. They were lucky they were not arrested.

The fight went kind of like this:

Now was that worth it? Probably not….

The point is that grown people should not be fighting. (Especially if you cannot fight) We are supposed to be mature adults setting examples for our children. Try talking like civilized human beings. Keep it real with yourself, you’re not a “G” and your last name aint’ Mayweather.

 If you must fight, at least get some training.

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Career Change……What’s the Hold Up?

george-bush-motivational1What did you want to be when you grew up, a teacher, a fireman, an astronaut? I did not want to be anything like that. After I saw Purple Rain in the 80’s, I wanted to be Prince. When I got a little older, I decided that I wanted to become a writer. Twenty years later it’s still a work in progress, but at least it’s a work… right?

Now that you are grown, are you doing what you planned to do with your life in terms of your career? Are you working towards your career goals or are you still putting it off for the future like paying off your student loans?

How many years have you been saying, “Next year I am going to open a salon or restaurant.” How long have you been writing that movie, working towards your degree, or taking the bar exam?

You can sing like Patti LaBelle and you dance better than Chris Brown, but you are still working at Popeye’s. Well, what’s the hold up? (Sarcastic voice) Oh yeah, that’s right, you are starting your own label next year, and your cousin knows Babyface and he is going to get you a deal…and blah, blah, blah.

People spend a lot of time talking about what they are about to do. I know, because I was one of the greatest at doing this. I was always painting this vivid picture to people about what my future would look like and how successful I was going to be. The problem was that most of the time I was full of it, but it made me feel good just talking  about it. The sad thing is for a long time, that’s all it was…Talk. Do you know anyone like that? Someone who yells with the greatest conviction that they are going to do something and you find out they aint gonna do shit.

I heard someone say a long time ago that “talk is cheap,” and it holds true today when it comes to career aspirations. When it comes to making moves in life, you should be like Nike and “just do it.” Time waits for no man, and before you know it, you will find yourself only being able to talk about the past. “I could have had this or would have had that”…… I have countless friends that I played sports with during my teenage years who swear until this day that they could have gone pro, but they never put forth the effort or took the steps to get there.

Here are some of the reasons we give as to why we can’t work towards our career goals:

 I Don’t Have Time!

One of our challenges we face is that we are all creatures of habit. Once our lives become routine, it also becomes safe and convenient. You now become afraid to leave your comfort zone. Your job pays the bills and allows you to buy a few things and take care of your family. In this economy, nobody is trying to rock that boat. However, at the same time, you don’t want to be stuck in the same situation or limit your options either.

Routine stuns your growth. It is a mentality we develop over time. Routine is comfortable and breaking your routine is scary. Whether it is fear of failure or fear of losing what have been able to barely maintain, people are afraid to take that leap to the next level. It’s like the dumb saying goes: “The man who sleeps on the floor can’t fall out of bed.”

However, there is a way to work through this obstacle. It’s all about planning. Look at your week and log how much time you waste. Whether it is 30 minutes or 3 hours a day, this down time is what you can use to work on your career changing project. Use this time to do some research and make some long-term plans. Everyday that goes by should include you doing at least one thing toward your goal no matter how small.

Are People in the Way?

Another reason people are apprehensive about trying to progress is, because of the people around them. You know who I am talking about right? I am talking your dog, your home girl, etc.

Some of our so-called Friends, are the main ones that will hate on our ideas. Believe it or not, deep down some of your friends are envious of you and don’t want you to be doing better than them. Think about it? Do you have a friend that is always saying something negative about what you are doing? Anything you say about something, they got something bad to say about it.

The other thing is that they’re always comparing themselves to you. You know that they’ll never really support you trying to come up. You might want to distance yourself from these types of “friends.” They will only slow you down or deter you from your goals.

Self Doubt

Worst of all, some people just don’t believe that they can make it. After what I have seen over the course of my 30 plus years on this earth, I believe that anything is possible. Look around you and see what is going on. Consider this, if Frankie and Neffe can get their own television show, if Jermaine Dupri can get Janet Jackson, and if “It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp” can win an Academy Award, anything is possible.

I often watch the behind the music shows on VH1 and I recently watched both 50 Cent’s and T.I.’s show. Neither are my favorite rappers (Hov, DMX), but they both had crazy struggles earlier in their lives before they got to where they are in their industry. Are they the best at what they do, probably not, but they kept grinding.

With a little preparation and opportunity, you never know where you will end up. You don’t always have to be the best at it; you just have to be driven. Haven’t you seen the best singers not make it to Hollywood on American Idol? 

Not motivated yet? Well, if you had any doubts about being successful at making your career change, I got some medicine. Check this out:

Former President George W. Bush made his debut as a motivational speaker Monday, October 26, to a crowd of 11,000 in Fort Worth, Texas. Are you kidding me? The most non-articulate President in the history of the world has got a new job as a motivational speaker. Do you know what that means? That means that if you are a 5 foot 2 inches tall, you can play power forward for the Lakers. If you are as big as King Latifah is, you can be a stripper at the Blue Flame in Atlanta. If you have been arrested more times than Bobby Brown, you can still be  the mayor of your city. The sky is the limit. You just have to get to work!!

There are many reasons why we can say that we haven’t reached our career goals that we set for ourselves, but no excuse. We can blame it on life decisions we made early in our lives, we can blame people, or we can even blame on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol, but at the end of the day, it’s on us to get it popping. Our complacency and doubt are our own. Think about it, many people throughout history have done great things despite their opposition.

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How to Make up with Your Woman

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So you messed up with your woman and she is giving you hell. Depending on how bad you messed up, she’s probably not giving you any heaven either.   (wink, wink)

You have tried everything in the playbook to make up with her. You bought roses, Godiva chocolates, Coach Bags, etc. You even tried to take her to see Tyler Perry’s new movie and to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. Then like a dummy you bought her something from Victoria Secret, like that was going to work. She got you going through a drought  like California in the summertime. When all that failed, you might have tried to get your Darious Lovehall on and recite her that whack poem you wrote on a napkin during your lunch break at work. In most cases poetry is not our thing. We usually end up writing something like, “I love you girl, and you are my world.” Yeah that’s tight huh?…Not. You are better off letting Lil Wayne write something for you.

Most of us cannot afford to buy a Kobe Bryant 4 million dollar “I’m sorry” purple diamond ring, or send our girl to San Tropez like Jay Z. What we don’t realize is, while she takes all your good intentions and kind gestures of desperation for her forgiveness, that’s not really what they wants from us.

Since the beginning of time, women have been screaming from the tallest mountain tops about what they want us to do. Even during times of peace, they have given us the keys to paradise, but we ignored it and chose to rely on the most unreliable source for advice…ourselves.

Even the Thuggiest Thug thinks that his nick-name is Billy Dee Williams. We think that if we get a chance to put it down like Jody (Tyrese Gibson) did with Yvette (Taraje P. Henson) in the movie Baby Boy, or make her laugh like Trey (Cuba Gooding Jr.) did Brandy (Nia Long) on the porch in Boyz N the Hood, that all will be forgiven.

The fellas know what I am talking about. We have been involved in over one thousand three hundred and seventy-one arguments with our women. Usually when you mess up, you and your woman will argue and not talk to each other. Some time will go by and she’ll go back to talking to you and you will think that things are back to normal. I got news for you….it’s not. Women NEVER forget and while you sitting back poppin’ your collar like you are the Player of the Year; she is planning your demise and has loaded herself with the most potent ammunition for the next argument or payback.

So I am going to help the fellas how to make up with your woman and restore peace and love back into your relationship. Pay attention, because this might stop Big Mike from stealing your quality time.

 Here are the 3 easy steps:

 Step #1. Admit You Messed Up

 Just like alcoholics anonymous, the first step is admitting you have a problem. You must admit you are wrong; this is not the time to try to lie or out think her. Women have a built in memory like a 20 gigabyte Apple computer. One of the biggest flaws known to man is not admitting when we are wrong. Man up, take a deep breath and say the phrase that is sure to calm the storm,“baby, I was wrong.”

 Step #2. LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN

This is the golden rule for eternal happiness with your woman. Listen to her. All she wants is for you to respect her, let her express how she feels, and acknowledge how she feels. The dude that she will cheat on you with listens to her. He is interested in every tiny detail of her day and opinion. Trust me.

When you are listening to her, give her your undivided attention. Turn the football game off, pause the Play Station, and please don’t text your homeboys while she is talking to you. The other thing you have to watch is your body language. Be attentive, face her, and nod your head when she is making points. If necessary, try to delay the argument to a Tuesday or Wednesday when the game is not on.

Don’t allow yourself to get frustrated when she replays the entire situation for you, although you were there the first time. She has to do this to express herself and to get over what has upset her. It’s like watching those boring scenes in the movie Titanic with your woman. All you want to see is when the boat starts sinking, but you have to sit through entire movie with her, just because she loves the build up.

 Step #3. Respond to her when she is finished talking!

After you have confessed and listened to her, you are not done yet. Now you have to prove that you were listening. You have to say something that reassures her that, (1) you are not an idiot, and (2) She’s not an idiot for taking you back.

When she is finished talking, do not shrug it off and just say, “aight.” Say something about how you plan to fix things, or not make the same mistake again. Look her in the eyes, hold her hand (if she let’s you), and end it with a kiss and a hug. It’s that easy.

So I know what the guys may be thinking, “What do I do if the 3 step program does not work?”

The 3 step program is for Type 1 Offenses such as: petty arguments, getting caught flirting, staying out all night with your friends, lying about how much money you got stashed away, etc.

Now if you did something off the chain, like got another woman pregnant or tried to hit her, just move to another city and cut your losses. (Kidding) You should try the 3 step process, then proceed to plan B, which is better suited to handle Type 2 Offenses.(Cheating, cheating, hitting, cheating, lying and cheating, etc.)

Plan B is for emergencies only and it is important to know that these tactics should be used only as a last resort.

Tactic 1: Begging

Don’t be too proud to beg. Let her know she is worth the effort. So go ahead and get your Keith Sweat on. You would beg for your life if someone had a gun to your head right?

Tactic 2: Crying

Under no other circumstances do I condone a man crying, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. What is important to know about your “cry” is that it is like a lifeline on the TV show “Who wants to be a Millionaire?” You can only use this one once. After you cry one time, every other time you cry makes you a straight bee-yotch! You got to save this one like it’s the big joker in a game of spades.

Tactic 3: Crying & Begging

If all else fails, this tactic is the atomic bomb of reconciliation. If she does not take you back or forgive you after you do this, just pack up your stuff and call Tyrone. Go to her house and  make sure she is available to talk for at least seven minutes. If she says, “yes,” sit her down on the couch and give her the best Lenny Williams performance of your life.

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David Letterman Gets His Boomerang On

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David Letterman had to expose himself the other night on his show and explain to the world that there was an attempt to extort him based on some sexual deviance he had going on at the work place. In other words, David Letterman was getting his Marcus Graham on at CBS studios and got caught up.

I have to give him props for at least coming out and admitting it. He took the power away from the media by just putting it all out there. Now they can’t try to destroy him as easily on the news and in the papers. You know the media would have had a field day with this. This is what Chris Brown should have done 6 months ago. He should have just held a press conference, did that elbow stand like he did on Stomp the Yard, and then told the truth straight up, before the media could start spreading rumors and allegations.

Letterman did it O.G. style, and now it will most likely blow over soon. Now, some people are upset and are going to try to boycott his show, but that was to be expected. Some people just can’t handle the truth. They find it hard to believe that people actually make mistakes and can man up and take responsibility for them. It does not  matter to me if he felt like he was forced to come forward or not. The fact is that he did, and that says a lot about him. He took control of the situation.

Letterman said that, in his testimony, he acknowledged sexual relationships with members of his staff.

“My response to that is, yes I have. Would it be embarrassing if it were made public? Perhaps it would,” said Letterman. “I feel like I need to protect these people – I need to certainly protect my family.”

The irony is how often David Letterman has exploited other people’s sex scandals during his late night monologues on his show, and now he has a scandal of his own. He went in for weeks on Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. I know it was all in fun, but I hope that he can take what he has dished out over the years.

After all,  it’s not like he killed anyone, so I think it will blow over soon enough. People will just crack their jokes and spoof him a few times on YouTube. This story is not juicy enough to role in the news cycle for too long. It’s not like when Michael Jackson died. They still don’t want to let that go. He’s dead man!!! I think that his funeral is still playing on MTV. I think this situation will be more like when Michael Phelps got caught smoking that sticky-icky oooh-weeee. People forgot about it after a while, and Phelps was doing Subway commercials. (By the way, nobody boycotted Subway for that). David Letterman is not the first and won’t be the last to do what he did. He’ll take his criticism in the media, be judged by the moral police and things will go back to normal when the next big scandal comes out. This thing is probably going to help boost his ratings.

The question I have is what women had relations with David Letterman? That’s is the million dollar question. That’s like me hooking up with Florida Evans. I guess if Jermaine Dupree can get Janet Jackson and women can fight over Flavor Flav, anything is possible. In the end, I guess money still rules the world. Because we all know that David Letterman the “bus driver” would not have gotten  that kind of action. I am willing to bet that those women were just doing something strange for a little piece of change.

At least he is not being indicted for anything regarding this incident, because celebrities have been getting screwed in court lately. They all have been catching time and heavy fines, so Mr. David Let “her” man, needs to count his blessings. He might have ended up in court like Martin, trying to convince the judge that the case should be thrown out due to the fact that he was insane….

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