Category Archives: Politics

Romnesia on Blast – I’m for it…no wait…I’m against it!

Look, one of the greatest privileges of being an American is our right to vote. We vote on just about everything. We vote for your favorite singer on American Idol, we vote for the best team in college football, we even vote on what we’re going to vote on sometimes. Well, one of the most important things we vote for is the job of the highest office in the land: The President of the United States. Except for Dancing with the Stars, this is probably one of the ugliest, most expensive elections that we vote on.

Now usually, the Presidential election is between two candidates that have a difference of opinions on certain issues ranging from economics to foreign policy. They spend a considerable amount of time ridiculing and demonizing their opponents views to make their own look more attractive to the voters. I get that. I can even appreciate a good debate or a little mudslinging to get your point across. Sometimes, however they are long on dirt and short on truth or substance to the point where it’s just offensive. This is usually done by people who don’t have any platform of their own to stand on.

However, when you are battling against a guy who can’t even keep it real with himself, what are you really fighting against? We know that ALL politicians on some level have to slant their short comings to a certain extent, but being in denial of your own principals and beliefs, then changing course based on who’s around is just too much. I can support a person who is agreeing with me just to appear to be on my side.

You can be an overly aggressive, insensitive elitist or a wuss, but at least be consistent. I had a teacher in the 8th grade named Ms. Warren who was so mean, she would fail you if you missed her class to attend your momma’s funeral. Is it fair? No. However, we all knew where she stood and knew what to expect from her. I had to accept her as the authority figure of 8th grade civics and keep it moving. I am just glad my mother lived through my 8th grade year of middle school.

The $250,000 question is……or better yet for Mitt, the $1,000,000.00 question is, how can you lead the country and expect people to stand with you if you don’t even stand with yourself? Mitt Romney may be a decent person, but as a President….not so much. It’s not about your party affiliation, but you’re very core beliefs. The terms, Flip Romney, and etch-a-sketch, etc. were clever nicknames for Mittens, but after hearing him speak in the republican primaries and now the general election. I still don’t know who he is. So instead of me saying vote for Obama, I am just saying, “anyone, but Mitt Romney.”

If he wins, he wins, but don’t be surprised if he forgets what he promised you…..

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Traffic Court…You Have the Right to Remain Silent!

I had the pleasure of getting a speeding ticket recently on my way to work one morning. I was driving down the street while listening to the Rickey Smiley morning show on the radio and they caught me driving a few miles over the speed limit. With all the people whizzing pass me, I was surprised he pulled me over. It’s not like I was weaving through traffic in reverse like Puff & Biggie on the Hypnotize video.

To make matters worse, I got pulled over right across the street from my office. The cop was hiding in the bushes like the dude from cheaters in that black van.

So not only am I getting a ticket, but I got everybody turning into my office building pointing at me and being nosy. I just knew as soon as I got to my desk, my computer was going to be flooded with emails from my co-workers wanting to know what happened.

Surprisingly, the Cop was pretty cool, but I could tell he was happy to fill his quota. He had me feeling like Smokey on Friday trying to lie to Big Worm.

I figured since the cop was a “brutha,” I could make small talk and get away with a warning….He should understand my struggle as a poor black man trying to make it in America right??  NOT! He wrote the ticket from his patrol car so he would not have to holla at me; then he drove off. I was so mad; I just turned my car off and walked a couple of hundred feet to my office.

The cop did tell me that I could go to court and contest it, but I was like, “for what?” He clocked me on radar. I already knew I was guilty. Besides, you know black folk don’t do well in court! Why set myself up?

On the other hand, the points and the fine were too much to endure on my driving record and my pockets. I had to try to do something.

 So, to get my fine reduced and some points taken away, I decided to go to court to plead my case. I was gonna get my People’s Court on. (LOL)

If you have never been to court before, it is both a very entertaining and humbling experience. It was like watching your drunken uncle tell a story. I can understand now why people watch all those Judge shows like Judge Judy, Judge Joe Brown and Judge Mathis.

My appointment wasn’t until 2:30, but I got there early to avoid any foolishness. The last thing I wanted to do was be late. So as I sat there, I got to witness other peoples’ cases. This was probably the best decision I made all year.

The judge was slaying people left and right. He was slicing them like King Leonidas from 300. No excuse went unchallenged and no clown went unembarrassed. The stories I heard were both amazing and amazingly dumb. Just when you thought you heard it all, you heard somebody say something more asinine than the person who testified before them. The hardest part is not laughing out loud when you hear it.

Why in the hell would somebody come to court and lie about their driving record under oath? Do they not know that their traffic record is in front of the judge as he tries your case?

By the time my name was called to take the stand, I just went in front the judge and just told the truth. I just walked up and said, “Guilty your honor. I made a mistake.” I braced myself for the verdict, like in the Color Purple when Cielie made Shug Avery that breakfast after Mister tried to serve her some burnt food.

Without going into the legal details, I can honestly say that I made out alright. It was definitely worth showing up.

If you ever have to go to traffic court and you want to make it out with your driving privileges and freedom in tact. Follow these rules:

 6 Rules to Follow in Traffic Court:

 1. For the duration of your visit, treat the Judge like he is God – These judges sometimes have egos (Not the one I had of course). Never challenge a person with the power to take your freedom with a wooden hammer. They’ll rip you apart to make an example out of you.

2. Accept responsibility for your violation – Do not make up excuses about what happened. Unless you died, plead guilty and pray for a miracle.

3. Don’t lie about nothing…Period

4. Always reply, “Your Honor.” (This kind of goes with rule #1.)

5. Have the cash to pay your fine. You want to end this scenario as soon as possible. Pay the fine and close the case.

6. Don’t talk to other people about your driving record in court. They will throw you under the bus to save themselves.

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I Need a Window Seat Next to Erykah Badu

People act like they never saw a naked woman before…..To me, Erykah Badu has always been a deep and soulful artist, but now all of a sudden the mainstream media is trying to play her like she is some desparate deviant diva vying for attention and record sales. Aww Phooey! It’s not like she pulled a stunt like lil’ Kim did at an award show on the red carpet with the glitter pasty on her left breastasis’.

My, my, my, how soon we forget…Back in the day, Madonna used to pop up naked all the time at weddings, picnics and report card conferences, and nobody would say a thing.  Pink gets naked for every awards show and does an aerial ribbon in the sky performance, and people call her “creative and bold.” I think people let it ride, beucause Pink has the body of a 13 year-old boy. On the real, I really think that people have been hating on Erykah, because of how fine she looked. It takes a lot to go in the buff on a busy street in broad daylight. Erykah did the damn thing. She was just strutting down the street with that, “I got a big booty walk.”

Jealousy is a terrible thing.  Some people are trying to say that it’s a big deal, because of where she did it. All of a sudden, President Kennedy’s assassination site is a sacred place. Let me be clear, the assasination of one of our greatest Presidents ever was a terrible thing. It was one of the darkest days in our country’s history. However, I don’t think the street he was shot on should be treated like the road to Damascus.

If this place was so sacred, why haven’t they cracked down on all the real crimes that happen in this area. Bums piss on the grassy knoll, crack-heads buy rocks there, and people still get shot on that very same street. Yet, people on the news were crying out, “how could she do that on the same land Kennedy was killed on?”

Why no outcry for Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., USA? These streets have murders, rapes and drug deals go on everyday and nobody says a thing. “Ground Zero” in New York City still has a hole in the ground. The alley in South Central Los Angeles where Ricky was shot still has prostitutes running through it. Is any street in America really sacred?

 People with flat butts and big guts are saying that she did it for record sales….GTFOH. That’s their way of saying, “she’s got a fatty and I have a flatty.” Hateration at its finest. It’s always somebody with a chewed up body hating on somebody else who is confident enough to show their bodies off. Erykah is the bomb, but she don’t need her ass to sell records. I could see if this was a sexual song a la’ D’Angelo’s song “untitled.”

Erykah Badu has always had a large fan base and she did not need a publicity stunt to generate a buzz. She makes great music….period. The woman was making an artistic statement in this video. I don’t quite know what it is yet, but I am sure that after I watch it a few more hundred times, I will figure it out.

Andre’ 3000 and Common knew a long time ago, what most of us were just recently able to witness to. Erykah Badu should change her name to Erykah Badonk-a-donk-du.

What is interesting about this is that Lady Ga Ga can come out wearing some Mardi Gras beads and some glitter-glad wrap to a catholic church service and people would call her an “artist.” The double-standards in our society are amazing.

 Even if they continue to bash her and charge her with indecent exposure, I am still buying her album. The song is actually good and I am sure the album will be great.

If they try to charge her with anything else…(singing) I think she better callllll Tyyyrooonee!!!

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My Thoughts on 2010…. and Tiger Woods.

I know that I have been gone for a minute, but I am back in full – effect. I had some issues to take care of over the past few months but like Jay Z said, “I just thugged my way my through,” and now I have more time to write again. I had to make a stand just like Michael Evans did win the Jr. Warlords tried to punk him on Good Times.

So much has happened in the past few months, and I have so many topics that I want to write about, I don’t know where to start. So, I am just going to catch up on a few things that have happened in the news that I have opinions about.

Here are some of my random thoughts and opinions:

Gilbert Arenas Avoids Jail

Suspended NBA star Gilbert Arenas was sentenced to two years of supervised probation Friday for bringing guns into his team’s locker room.

He also is to serve 30 days in a halfway house. He will be required to serve 400 hours of community service and contribute $5,000 to a fund for victims of violence.

I am glad this dude did not go to prison. He is not a threat to society. He may be dumb as hell, but not a menace to society like some people are trying to paint him.

What is up with all of these celebrity and athletes catching gun charges? If you got more than $10 million dollars in the bank, hire a body-guard. Also, why do they act like they cannot register their guns? They can buy 24 inch spinning rims, but can’t get a gun permit? GTFOH!

Since we are on this topic, I also think they should free Plaxico Burress. Stupidity without hurting anyone should not require a jail sentence.

 Healthcare Reform Passed

I have no immediate feelings about recently passed healthcare reform bill itself yet. However, I do applaud President Obama for having the endurance to pass any legislation amidst all of the opposition he faced, which in some cases had nothing to do with the bill itself. It’s really because he is what the tea party calls a “Socialist” (African-American)

For the simple fact that the bill is over 2700 pages long, I am willing to bet that NOBODY has read the bill in its entirety, so a lot of the drama around it is pure speculation and hateration. 

While I am sure that I could find something that I disagree with in the 2700+ pages of manuscript, it seemed that the Republicans were just hell bent on preventing the President and his Democratic majority from passing anything.

Once I educate myself a little more, I will have a better opinion on the details. What I do know after having a baby last year, something had to change. I spent too much money to on stuff that they gave to ILLEGAL immigrants for free. I am not hating on them, but when an Aspirin is $80.00, something aint right.

Two words: Unity Please?

 EarthQuake in Haiti

This earthquake was a terrible disaster and my heart goes out to all of the victims in Haiti. It’s a messed up situation and I wish them all the best in rebuilding their country and their lives.

Now I know I am going to tick some people off, but I am going to say what I am sure a lot of people have been thinking. Haiti is always going to be a slum and they are not going to rebuild it. …. Rebuild it to what? It was the poorest country in the western hemisphere and it is going to stay that way. Coca-Cola is not coming to build plants there; they are not getting a Wal-Mart or a Ford plant. Puh-leaase. I wish instead of just buying tents and buckets to get water for people to gather out of make shift wells, that someone came up with a plan to modernize the place and help build a better future for the country. I would love to see Haiti get new schools, hospitals and infrastructure.

People are donating all kinds of money and most of it is going into rich peoples’ pockets.  I am positive that the infrastructure there will still look like shit five years from now. I just read an article that Wyclef Jean (Mr. Haiti himself) gave some money from his charity for Haitian relief to his lil jump off. If he is doing that, that’s terrible.

Now let’s not get it twisted, there are people helping and making a difference, but after this is not the top newsheadline, people are gonna to forget about this disaster.

As for now, people have tried to do all they could. They have held telethons and they have even re-recorded “We are the World” with Lil Wayne singing on autotune and everything, but Haiti still looks like…well….Haiti.

They keep saying that the world won’t forget about Haiti, but just look in our own backyard: Is there a new World Trade Center up yet in New York City? Think about New Orleans and Hurricane Katrina. Is the 9th ward back on and poppin’

Haiti was being messed over long before the earthquake and just like hurricane Katrina did New Orleans, it just exposed a lot of ills that the rest of the world forgot about or never cared to know.

Monique Wins an Oscar

Congratulations to Monique on her Oscar……but is it me or does a black woman got to play a role as a crack-head whore or an incestuous ghetto baby momma pedophile to win an academy award in Hollywood? That’s garbage, because actresses like Angela Bassett and Oprah Winfrey have played excellent roles in movies like The Color Purple and What’s Love Got to do With It, but did not win.

Don’t give me that jive about Jennifer Hudson either. She was still a loud uneducated ghetto baby momma too in Dreamgirls, she just could sing.

They say it’s about the performance, but to me it’s more about the negative image that they are portraying.They are  giving awards for these sisters playing the stereotype.

Tiger Woods

Just play golf bruh! You are not the first or last adulterer in this world. As long as you did not bang some woman during the nationally televised broadcast of the Masters, you don’t owe the media an explanation about your personal life. You are not perfect (duh); neither are the people judging you. Keep it moving….

By the way, you’re not a sex addict…you’re a man! People are always trying to run to rehab for something. What type of rehab is out there for a man (with millions and fame) who likes to have sex with willing, women. What do you do in rehab, besides practice abstinence and dream about the day you get out, so you can get some?

Using drugs is not a normal activity, drinking is not a normal everyday activity, but sex is a natural biological function. How are you going rehab from that? Can you make a lion a vegetarian?

Lil Wayne Goes to Jail

Another celebrity with a gun charge. Youuuungg Muula Baabyy!

Seriously though, I don’t wish prison on nobody. Period. I just hope Lil Wayne has a positive message for all these youngsters and old ass adult youngsters that are looking up to him.

You are not a thug, you’re an artist. You went to McMain homey. Stay up!

American Idol is Garbage

This has to be the worst installment of this show ever. I am more than sure this will be the last go around for American Idol.  Paula ans Simon will be gone and Ellen should not ever judge musical talent again.

I guess all the aspiring R&B and Alternative artists I know in the United States were not qualified to go to Hollywood, but the average Joe-Shmo is on TV every night trying to become the next American Idol. Shucks, I think I could have made it through this year.

I definitely think my homey Eli would have went through:

I am sure that everyone in a city where they had auditions is like, “damn I should have taken off work that day to go audition for the show.”

These singers are trash and not only that, they are voting off the most decent ones out the group. It’s like you are choosing the best from the worst. If you had to choose a wife out of Weezy Jefferson, Florida Evans, and Harriet Winslow, wouldn’t you be mad as hell if they eliminated Harriet Winslow?

This was the best thing that happened on American Idol this year.

Reggie Bush Leaves Kim Kardashian

The only ring Reggie is interested in is the ring he won in Miami. Kim is not wifey material, she’s only nightly material. Can you see her being a mother and raising a family? She is actually not a celebrity to me. She’s just a pretty woman who dates famous men.

Celebrity couples are given too much credit anway. They don’t have more meaningful relationships than us regular folks, nor are they role models for “average couples.” They are just like us with more money. Some people act like celebrity relationships are these magical unions that are suppose to end in marriage. It seems more like these celebrity relationships end in either a scandal, a reality show or herpes.

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

The Marine Corps’ top officer says he would want to avoid housing gay and heterosexual Marines in the same rooms on base if the ban on gays openly serving in the military is lifted.

I say, it does not matter. They are thousands of homosexuals serving in the military today and it’s not a big deal. There is a gay soldier today in the barracks sleeping right next to a straight soldier. So what? Do they think if they make separate barracks that the gay guys are going to have pink Hello Kitty sheets on the beds and that they are going to wear lavender army fatigues with skinny leg pants?

If they are that bent out of shape, why not separate the troops by race again, or religion. Maybe the Muslim soldiers can become a new suicide bomber unit.. (Sarcasm)

I just think that the military has more important things to worry about.

Truth be told, I support all of our American soldiers who volunteer and put their life on the line for the rest of us scary, fat, lazy, or uninterested Americans who wouldn’t go to war even if they were drafted by Obama himself.

If I was kidnapped by the taliban on the way to the store or attacked by a foreign force, and a group of U.S. soldiers  jumped from a helicopter to save me, I am not going to stop the guys and say, “excuse me, are you gay? I only want straight men to save my life.”

You got a whole bunch of straight people that wouldn’t even help you fix a flat tire on the highway. I say leave them alone.

I’ll be back in a week with a new original topic……Holla!

 

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The Ghetto Big Brother is Watching…

So I am sure that everyone has at least heard one conspiracy theory or two about how “Big Brother” (The U.S. Government) is watching your every move with their traffic-light cameras, monitors on the internet, GPS systems in cars and phones, and un-warranted wire-taps on your cell phones, etc.. Yes these things do exist, but there is another brother watching you that you are not aware of, and in most cases, they are doing more damage to your privacy than you think…It’s not the Chinese, it’s not that creepy bundle of money with the big eyes on those Geico Insurance commercials, it is everyday people.

It’s the people around you. It’s the guy in the grocery store standing behind you in the check-out line; it’s the kids in the mall, and to bring it even closer to home…..your mate. Technology has become a blessing and curse, just like Sarah Connor said it would in the Terminator when Skynet made the super-computer that decided to destroy the world. In the words of Southwest Airlines, “You are no longer safe to move around country.”

Anybody with a cell phone and a computer, can be Jack Bauer and track you down, set you up, get you busted, or just embarrass the hell out of you over the internet. Think about it, your girlfriend and your nosy ex-girlfriends are checking your Facebook page right now to find out who your friends are, what you are doing, and who you are doing it with. She also gets a text from Bank of America every time you use your visa debit card. She  getd the dollar amount you charged and the location of the charge. She also has the GPS tracking dot she can follow on the computer thanks to your cell phone.

You want to try to creep in the new BMW you just bought? Don’t do it big pimpn,’ she has a GPS system on that too, she got Onstar and a low-jack. She can kill the engine where ever you are until she gets there to Tiger Woods your ass right in front of the club.

Let’s say you lied to your boss about why you’re not coming to work? Well you better hope your house does not show up on GOOGLE MAPS! This site can show your house in live living color 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I called my father one day who lives all the way in Longview, Texas while googling his apartment address. I got to see so close, I could see his bicycle on the balcony. I said, “Dad, you should move your bike before someone steals it.” Man did that freaked him out. This made me think, hmmmm, every time I leave my house, someone can be watching me on the internet.

The biggest thing that has gone too far is the camera phone. You can be made into a YouTube sensation without even trying. Think I’m lying? Just get into a fight in a public place. People don’t break up fights or use their phone to call the police anymore; they just flip on the camera and make you their latest YouTube post. People have become so good at it, that CNN is now asking people to send them their videos they record so that CNN can air them with their news stories. 

There should be a law against people doing that….For real, for real.

With all that going on, you still have people out here who are dumb enough to just tell you all day, what they are doing and where they are going on Twitter. This is out of control, but this one is a self-imposed invasion of privacy. Just tell all your business: “I’m at Wal-Mart, I just passed gas…it stank, I’m driving down the street, Oops my license is suspended…I being pulled over by the police. D’OH!!” I can write a whole new article on Twitter alone.

 Just watch your back out here in these streets. Big Brothers are watching…..

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Grown People Should Not Be Street Fighting

Remember when you were growing up and dealing with most of your issues could be settled in a matter of minutes? Any time you had a problem with somebody at school, in the neighborhood, at church, at the post office, or whatever, you could meet them after the event and settle the matter with a little scuffle? Then you all could move on with your lives with a clear conscience.

For those who were not motivated to fight, you would put a stick on their shoulder and dare the other person to knock it off. This would be the match that was sometimes needed to start the fire. Nonetheless, the fight ensued and the people were able to release their tension.

Back in the day, getting your occasional scrap on was both  fun and exhilarating. It was also necessary to build character while growing up in the hood or in a large family of ghetto cousins and siblings.

Then something happened that would change your life forever…you grew up! You realized that aside from the possibility of being charged with felony assault, battery, or even attempted murder; fighting in the street like an ignorant buffoon was not a good look. Not to mention the possibility of being sued by the loser and in some cases losing your job.

The point that I am trying to make is that if you are grown you should not be fighting in the streets, like you are still a teenager. What some adults don’t realize is that, they are not in high school anymore and you don’t have to fight to prove you are tough. Adults are also setting bad examples for their kids. Not to mention, some people are taking major “L’s” (Losses). People are putting the beat downs on youtube and your insurancce does not have a deductible for ass whippins’. This phase of your life should be over, you should be enjoying the adult years of your life.

Have you ever gone out to a club where everyone was dressed up nice and people were drinking and dancing to the music and then all of a sudden, Pookie sees Keisha’s brother who owes him three dollars from two years ago and he wants payback? He starts a bar room brawl and ruins the night for everybody. They get kicked out the club all drunk and bloody. It’s pretty lame to see. What about the fights your friends start and expect you to jump into? This aint boys in the hood man! We aint Ricky and Dough-boy no more..

What about women who have fights at weddings and baby showers? Hot ghetto mess. And when women fight whew!! Breastasis’ pop out, weaves are yanked out, and women are more likely to stab one another. Nine times out of ten, this fight is over a guy. Men hate to see this type of violence with our women…Unless they are fine!

Adults should realize that the best way to win a fight is to walk away. As a mature rational thinking adult, you should be able to diffuse or avoid certain situations without having to get your Roy Jones Jr. on.

However, I do realize that there are some exceptions to every rule. After all, I have had my fair share of altercations in my lifetime. I understand that there are some situations that may require you to handle your business:

  1. You joined the UFC to earn extra income
  2. You are in Prison and someone wants to cuddle
  3. Someone does something to your Spouse/Kids
  4. Somebody hits you first
  5. Rihanna questions you about a text message (Kidding)
  6. Somebody talking about your momma!!!

Other than that, you got to let it ride. Road rage, he said/she said, verbal altercations, and stepping on shoes by accident, should not end up with you clocking somebody with a blunt object.

A lot of people think that they have to fight to keep it real. Keepin’ it real is one of the dumbest phrases ever that has ruined a generation.

Here is an example where keeping it real goes wrong. I work out at what is supposed to be a premier (Expensive as hell) fitness center, where the clientele consists of really wealthy and supposedly well-off people. I was playing a pick-up game of 5-on-5 basketball and a fight broke out between two guys that were arguing about a foul that was called. One guy called the other one a cheating bitch and the other guy “kept it real.” He called the guy a punk ass bitch, and then proceeded to swing on him. What he did not know is that the other guy was a retired martial arts instructor. In two short moves, the guy that threw the first punch had a busted lip and a lump in his neck (ouch). What was so terrible about the fight is that he looked bad while he was getting his ass whipped. You can tell he was bullied as a kid.  He really did not know how to fight. He did a lot of foot shuffling and non-existent boxing combinations in the air. The guy that won thought he was about to get accolades for winning the fight. He made his victory speech and was trying to explain how he was a bad ass back in the day, but all the guys quit playing and went home. Nobody wanted to be around all that foolishness. We were all grown ass men with families and responsibilities. After the fake ass rumble in the jungle, the guys were kick out of the gym and they both had their memberships revoked. They were lucky they were not arrested.

The fight went kind of like this:

Now was that worth it? Probably not….

The point is that grown people should not be fighting. (Especially if you cannot fight) We are supposed to be mature adults setting examples for our children. Try talking like civilized human beings. Keep it real with yourself, you’re not a “G” and your last name aint’ Mayweather.

 If you must fight, at least get some training.

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The Dow Is Up, But People are Still Down

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 On Wednesday, the Dow jumped 144 points to close at 10,015 – its biggest gain since Aug. 21 and highest close since Oct. 3 last year. Traders tossed commemorative caps and uncorked champagne. Investors believe the economy is clawing its way back from the worst downturn since the Depression. Well, Whoopty-doo!

While that may be a good sign for Wall Street, it did not do anything for Main Street, Sesame Street, Beat Street, 2300 Jackson Street, 21 Jump Street, Elm Street or my street.

The unemployment rate is 9.8% – the highest since Reagan’s first term. And the housing market is still in major trouble. It has also been reported that there has been nearly 1 million foreclosure filings in the third quarter, a 5% increase from the previous quarter and an increase of nearly 23% from the same time last year.

That basically means that we are going to have to continue to make strides to improve our own economies. One of the ways to do that is to save money on everyday expenses. There are some simple things you can do to save money.

For example, I have stopped eating out as much, but if I do, I get 30 packs of ketchup, extra cups, forks, napkins and straws to save on grocery costs.

If you are going somewhere with me, you might want to plan to leave a little earlier. I burn my gas slower than a blunt being smoked on Lil’ Wayne’s Tour bus. If you are traveling farther than 10 miles, you better have some gas money potna’.

My cell phone is my house phone. I know traditional households have a house number, but I don’t. I am not home enough to have a home number. You better be in my five, or send me a text message during the day. When I get home, my anytime minutes should have already kicked in, so you’d be straight.

I have also started using the Penny Saver ads. I clip more coupons than the Golden Girls, Danny Tanner from Full House, and Mary Jenkins from 227.  I am also buying in bulk. If you don’t know about Sam’s Club, or Costco’s, you better ask somebody.

I also bring food into the movies. Come on now, $8.00 for some popcorn and a Sprite? That is insane. How are they gonna charge people $4.00 for a Kit Kat?

Also, if you plan on bringing kids to see a movie, feed them before you leave the house. If they must have snacks, buy a dollar bag of Cheetos or something and put them in little sandwich bags and pass them around. If you cannot afford chips, bag up some fruit loops. (Make sure to get the bags back so you can reuse them later.)

(Singing in my autotuned voice) “Blame it on the Goose, blame it on the Henny. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-a-alcohol”

(Singing in my autotuned voice) “Blame it on the Goose, blame it on the Henny. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-a-alcohol”

As for you rappers, I know autotune is hot, but it is also expensive. I am going to save the hip-hop community some money as well. I am about to give the rappers an old school trick to alter their voices. Instead of paying 100k for an autotune effect, go to Wal-Mart and buy a $10 box fan. Bring the fan into the booth and bam!….Autotune.

 

In addition to saving money, you gotta get your hustle on. Unless you are related to Bill Gates, Oprah, or Tiger Woods, you need to have a hustle on the side.

Here are some of the things you can do to try to make some extra cash:

Try to get your own Endorsement deal: Whether you are acting silly with your friends or seriously pursuing a career in selling other peoples’ products, you should put your talents out there, so people can see them. Below is one of the best McDonald’s commercials that I have seen in a long time on YouTube!

Play the Lottery:

I know that we should not encourage gambling as a means to make money, but here is a way to improve your odds. Don’t forget your boy if you win though.

It’s rough for a lot of people right now, but with a little planning and hustle, you can get through it. If you are maintaining or coming up right now, great. Keep doing what you are doing. If your pockets are thinner than Beyonce’s real hair, keep grinding.

The media thought we were going to jump up for joy when they reported that the stock market rose. That was like telling me Playtex has developed a new and improved tampon. It meant nothing for me personally. It is good to know that somebody is doing better. When I hear the news that the job market is up, wages are up, or home prices are down, then maybe I’ll be excited.

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No Peace with Nobel Prize for Obama

United States President Barack Obama was recently awarded the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples. Here is a President who inherited the worst U.S. economy ever in the history of mankind, two wars in the Middle East, unemployment at 1930’s depression level, no cooperation from the other side of the aisle, people hating on everything he tries to do, and a terrible barber, but still managed to make progress towards world peace and improving our reputation in the world. That should be great news right?

In light of Chicago losing the bid for the 2016 Olympics to Rio De Janeiro, you would think that having our President win one of the top awards in the world would restore some national pride and excitement.

Don’t you feel good when somebody makes it out of your neighborhood into the limelight? Wasn’t there some knuckle head kid you knew growing up, that made it to the league or became a doctor, actor or something? Weren’t you proud?

Collectively, that’s how I thought people in our country would feel. After all he represents us all as Americans right? Some people haven’t realized that he actually won the election. While it was a historic accomplishment for him to be the first African American President, this award was not a black people award. This was not the “Norvel Peace” Prize. This award was bigger than him. It represented the United States having a better reputation in the world and the optimism of his potential and current progress.

What should have been one of the proudest days in recent memory, ended up being a week shrouded in hateration and controversy. How can you hate on a man who just won the Nobel Peace Prize? That’s like calling a woman ugly after she just had a baby. (Don’t ever do that fellas)

The things that I have read on the blogs and on mainstream media news sites have been ridiculous. Why does a person have to explain why he/she should win an award? He did not run for the award like he was trying to win a spot on the high school homecoming court, he was selected by the Nobel Prize Committee. The award is not even decided in the United States. It is awarded in Oslo, Norway.

Many people say that he does not deserve it, because he did not do anything. Whether you believe that or not, how can you be mad at him? He did give it to himself.

For those unfamiliar with what the Nobel Peace Prize is, The Nobel Prizes are a series of awards which were posthumously instituted by bequest of Alfred Nobel (1895). They are currently awarded to persons and organizations that have served humanity in the fields of physics, chemistry, physiology or medicine, literature, and peace.

Obama has been really humble about winning the award. He even admitted himself that he did not feel that he deserved the award. You know if that had been Jay-Z, he would already have a song out about it. Kanye West would have been rockin’ the medal at his next concert with on a Louis Vuitton ribbon with matching shoes.

Talk about crabs in the barrel, Republican Chair Michael Steele said, what has he done to deserve this award? He should have been one of the first to congratulate the man. Well, I say for one, he has held his peace with all the people in his own country hating on him.

Yall know as soon as Joe Wilson would have called one of us a liar during a live state of the union address, the only award we would have qualified for is a UFC championship belt.

Some people are even saying that he should give the award back. Why? Did Halle Berry give her Academy award back after she won for “best actress” after shooting a porn scene in “Monster’s Balls,” I mean Ball? Did the NBA make Dirk Nowitzki give back the league MVP, when they know Lebron James should have won it? Nope.

This was not the Heisman Trophy race. Nobody is comparing him to Tim Tebow and Sam Bradford.  I don’t know anyone who ever had to prove why he/she deserves an award. Do his critics think he is only good for a BET award?

Barack is not the first President to win this award. I know that I was either really young or not around for some of their administrations, but I don’t recall anyone asking other Presidents to give their awards back. If you do your research, you’ll find out that some of those awards definitely had question marks around them.

Here are the other U.S. Presidents that have won the Nobel Peace Prize:

  1. Theodore Roosevelt—the 26th President of the United States—received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1905 for helping negotiate an end to the Russo-Japanese War. However, he played a role in the suppression of a revolt in the Philippines.
  2. Thomas Woodrow Wilson was the 28th President of the United States, and he won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1919 for creating the League of Nations.
  3. Jimmy Carter was awarded the 2002 Nobel Peace Prize, for the “decades of untiring effort to find peaceful solutions to international conflicts, to advance democracy and human rights, and to promote economic and social development.”              
  4. Al Gore and the IPCC, 2007 winners of the Nobel Peace Prize, have had the validity of their winning of the prize disputed as well.

Al Gore won without saving the world from global warming. All he had was a movie and a PowerPoint presentation about climate change. To this day, I see television shows showing the polar bears floating on a melting sheet of ice, with a Willie Nelson song playing in the background.

What do you think? Does he deserve it? Should Obama give the Nobel Peace Prize back? I say no, or as Whitney Houston would eloquently put it, “Hell to the Nawww!”

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Baby Thugs Gone Wild

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A 16 year-old kid named Derrion Albert was beaten to death in Chicago this week and it was captured on video tape for the world to see the epitome of ignorance plaguing our community. I did not blog on it sooner, because I needed to cool off a little, before I wrote something that I might regret later. But this black on black violence thing is getting old. Barack wants Chicago to host the 2016 Olympics; Chicago need to be hosting a gospel revival and a G.E.D. program.

Three teens arrested in the young man’s death — Silvanus Shannon, 19; Eric Carson, 16; and Eugene Riley, 18 — were seen on the videotape attacking Albert, and were charged with first degree murder and held without bail, Simonton said. Monday night authorities said they charged a fourth suspect, 17-year-old Eugene Bailey, with murder.

The entire incident was captured on video and the person who taped it had the nerve to put it on YouTube. Seriously, is it even legal for someone to film a crime and post it on the internet? Can I film someone stealing a car or robbing a bank and post it on Facebook. I think that is ridiculous. If you are video taping the crime, it means that you were obviously around during the time of the crime, so that means that you could have done something that may have saved the young man’s life. Stop filming with your camera phone and dial 9-1-1.

I really feel bad for the mother. She had to watch her son be murdered, and watch all those people standing around doing nothing. I even saw adults passing in cars on the street where the fight was taking place. I am not saying that they should have jumped in the scuffle, but call the police, blow your horn, flash your lights, do donuts in the intersection….do SOMETHING. What if it was your kid out there getting beat down with pipes and sticks, wouldn’t’ you want someone to help your kid? The only good that came from taping it, is that the prosecutors will have more concrete evidence on his killers.

So you got one black youth dead, and three going to the State Pen instead of Penn. State. And the cycle continues.

To make matters worse, Fox News was using the footage to report on the story. Although the goons that were out there fighting, clearly don’t’ represent all the youth in Chicago, they were making us all look really bad. You would think that having an African American man win the United States Presidential Election, thing would be a little better.

A lot of the youngsters today are out of control. They are not scared of anything and don’t value anthing. I am not saying al of our kids are losers, but there is a good amount of them that are. Just like Joe Clark said in Lean on Me, “They say one bad apple spoils a bunch…but what about 200?” 

In the video, these kids looked like savages on a deserted island fighting for their lives. The problem is that they are not fighting for the right things. Here’s a thought, why not fight for better schools, better after school programs, parenting classes, trade programs. Why not learn how to box and get paid to fight? Why not join the Marines and you can carry your gun around every time you go out.

Our future is not looking very bright if these kids are going to be running things. I am about to get those Rosetta Stone CDs and learn to how to speak French. I’m moving my family to France. The only thing I will have to worry about is running out of butter for my croissants.

The other question I have is where are all the African American celebrities and athletes at? Jay Z was all over the country promoting the Blueprint 3, Oprah was chillin’ with him in Marcy projects. (She had 900 police officers and the S.W.A.T. team with her).

She can go all the way to Africa and start a school, she can “speak out” against Chris Brown for washing up Rihanna, but something this major happens in Chicago where Harpo Studios her beloved studio is, and she hasn’t come out to say anything. I am bashing Oprah as a person, or telling her what to do, I am just saying that my hope is that people like her would take this opportunity to help uplift our people. Here is a great time to use your influence to help the community. I wish Oprah could channel “Sophia” from the Color Purple and go off!

There is nothing wrong with Alicia Keys going help the women in Africa fight AIDS and oppression, but we got some serious problems on the home front.

Where is Kanye West with his big mouth? He usually always has something to say.

Diddy tweets about nonsense all day. He tweets about taking a crap, he couldn’t tweet “Stop the Violence” or something? Maybe we need to get Dr. Dre to produce a “Self Destruction” video or “We All in the Same Gang” video. Maybe that would help.

What can we do as a whole? For starters, we can try to unify as a community to try to take back the streets. Go out and talk to some kids, help mobilize the community to work toward curbing the violence. Talk to our own kids; explain to them that what they hear on the radio and see on T.V. is not real. We also need to start talking to them earlier about life and what’s going on in the world. Let them know that there is a whole world outside of the hood. Let them know that keeping real is a lie. Bring them to church, bring them to school, and listen to what their problems are.

The most important thing for us is to do after all that is be consistent. Don’t try to be the president of the “Big Brother Program” every time something bad happens. Do it while Pookie chilln’ on your couch playing Madden. We have got to get involved.

I remember that episode of Good Times when they tried to make J.J. join the Satan’s Knights and go to a gang fight. James Evans Sr. stepped in and at least tried to help his son. J.J. still got a cap busted in his ass, but at least they tried.

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Killer on the Loose! Oh Wait….We Got Him

He looks like he killed somebody.

He looks like he killed somebody.

Legally insane schizophrenic killer, Phillip Paul was recaptured recently after a three day manhunt to find him after he escaped from authorities while on a field trip at the state fair in Spokane, Washington. The police said that he had been planning his escape for months.

There are so many things wrong with this story, but I will just state the obvious. “Why the hell is Son of Sam going on a field trip to the state fair?” Then of all places to take him, you bring him to the state fair to be around naïve kids and senior citizens who can’t run. That is like on the movie “New Jack City” when G-Money hired Pookie (crack-head) to work in the drug store in the Carter. It was too much. The crack was talking to him. Some things you just shouldn’t do.

 (See Pookie in the video below)

They treated him like he was in one of those Special Ed. classes when they load up the short yellow bus and all the kids are strapped down wearing helmets. Then they all get off the bus and hold hands as they all walk around the fair. They get to skip lines and eat all the cotton candy they want. Everybody in the fair is made aware of their arrival and departure.

One thing that was disturbing is that they never said that the people in the fair knew he was at the fair or that he escaped. The police even reported that some fool gave him a ride.

For real, just imagine for a moment being at your fair just chillin’ minding your own business and you get on a Ferris-wheel and they stick Hannibal Lector in the same cart with you. You don’t know he’s Charles Manson’s cousin until you both get to the top and the ride stops to let other people on. Then tells you he ate his grand-parents with some fava beans and a nice Chyanti. Then what?

(See Hannibal Lector in the video below)

The second thing is who authorized this field trip from hell? Who ever they are, they need to be fired…. twice. I bet this dumb ass was like, “Hmmm, Phillip has not killed anyone in months; He does not stabbed the doctors anymore, let’s take him outside to a fair around people.” Do you think people knew that they were on the merry-go-round with the Boston Strangler? I wonder if they let him play the games, like testing your strength with that big hammer to ring the bell, or the dart game. What if he lost the game and flipped out? What they should have done was taken him on a field trip to jail.

The moral of this story is that you never know who is among you out in this crazy world. You better think about that the next time you cuss out the lady at the drive thru, or skip someone in line at the movies. You might be bad, but crazy wins every time.

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