Category Archives: Hip Hop

You aint Bad…You Aint Nothing!!

Some people want to pretend that they are  like Master P would say, “bout it, bout it,” and they are as cold-hearted as  Marlo Stansfield from HBO’s “The Wire.”  However, the reality is while there are people in the world who will throw down at the drop of a hat, there are still a large majority of people who would not throw rice at a Chinese wedding. I am not knocking non-violent people, because I am a non-violent person myself. I have been around long enough to know we are all not built to be Kimbo Slice or Tupac. My problem is when I see people perpetrating like they Dough Boy, and then not doing nothing.

Do you know someone in your family or circle of friends that talk a lot of smack about fighting and don’t do nothing? They make a big ass scene  in public and then fall backwards on somebody in the crew saying, ” Don’t hold me, Don’t hold me!” Then they get in the car and say, “Man, I was about to whip his ass!”

It’s not becuase they just like  being in the drama, I realized this is a defense mechanism too. The art of the non-fighting trash talker is the ability to bluff your way out of a physical altercation, by verbally intimidating your opponent. This is done mainly for show and in many cases, because the person really can’t or won’t fight.

Now as an adult, I don’t condone fighting over frivolous things, but if you are going to set it off, just do it. You don’t have to make a proclamation about it. There’s nothing worse than seeing a guy talking trash in his DMX voice, then getting his brakes beat off or his cord pulled. I recently witnessed shit talking at its finest recenlty and I just had to write something about it.

I was playing basketball at the gym the other day and these two guys started arguing about a foul called during a pick-up game. The older white guy called a foul on the black guy and the brother turned into Debo and threatened to kick the white guy’s ass for even insinuating that he committed a foul. Before it got too crazy, all the fellas stepped in and broke up the faux scuffle.  The white guy did not seem to be scared, he brushed it off  and tried to take the ball out and keep playing, but my brother did not want to let it go….He went on and on about where he was from and how he was the realist triple O.G. #1 in the fitness center…Yes, we were playing at a fitness center. It’s not like we were in the hood at Stallings Park or something, we was in a National fitness center chain complete with a Café, health spa, and Yoga classes. I’m not too sure he would have been as bold in the hood. But in the suburbs, he thought he was Big Meech, Larry Hoover….(Rick Ross Song) This dude was acting like we were in Angola State Penitentiary on the prison yard playing for our respect. He continued to give us the rundown on his criminal pedigree, and because of it, we should not mess with him. “He was from the street; he did too much dirt in his past.” It made me mad, because I hate when people talk trash; especially when aint no action behind it. A lot of time they do it, because they think they have an advantage. He knew the white guy was not going to fight him. So, he gassed himself up. He was like Mad Dog on Good Times trying to punk J.J. Evans.

You know there are different types of trash talkers, but in most cases, the trash talking is to cover up the fact that they are not as bout it as they say they are. It’s actually kind of funny to listen to. This guy was a “Past Trash” talker. He was talking about things he been through to let us know that he did not play. The way he was running it down, he should have either been in jail for life, or a millionaire. Like he really shot and stabbed people on the regular….C’mon son. We d on’t believe you, you need more people….

After we broke them up again, this dude was still running his mouth as we ran up and down the court until he stopped play again to talk to all of us. He grabbed the ball at half court and declared,” The next dude that fouls me, is gonna get punched in the face…” We all were laughing, because he was basically threatening everybody, except me and the other three dudes that was on his team. He went to calling out his gang name and how he could have one of his crews come in a help him handle his business….Negro please!

Before anyone else could say anything, one of the other black guys on the opposite team could not take it anymore, he jump in the self proclaimed triple O.G.’s  face and said, “Who you gonna hit?” I guess he calls himself being the hero, but all of us were thinking the same thing. The other white guys on the court were looking scared like, “oh shit, the black guys are gonna throw down O.G. style.”

I wasn’t scared of this clown. If a guy really wanted to do something, it would have happened already. I was just embarrassed for him. He looked like an ass.  Why my people always got to be the ones ruining the good time at group activities…

I just wanted to play ball. All the white guys were looking at me like, “Do something Obama!” Before you knew it, the black dudes were pacing with each other shoulder to shoulder in a circle saying, “Do something…..you do something…swing….. nah you swing…” It was pathetic. This was how we did it in elementary school. I was waiting for someone to knock a twig off someone’s shoulder.

You know what’s worse than a dude talking noise? Its two dudes talking noise to each other. They are (1) trying to bluff each other into believing they are hard, and (2) trying to convince the white people on the court that black guys keep it hood no matter where we are. The truth of the matter is if one of them really wanted to fight, it would have happened without the dramatic scene. I think I even heard someone say,” just fight already, damn!”

After a few more minutes of the drama, everyone else quit and left them on the court arguing. They messed up the game for everybody. At this point I was mad. I felt like, I wanted to see some type of action now that they ruined the game.

I don’t want to generalize, but I felt like this guy was under the impression that people were going to be intimidated by him, because he was a big black guy with tattoos. (You know there is nothing scarier than a big black guy with tattoos…LOL.) Actually there is….TWO big black guys with tattoos! (Joking). Nobody cared about this dude or his ranting. He actually pissed people off by talking so much.

The irony is most of the hardest dudes in the world hardly ever said a word before they got someone. Jason on Friday the 13th just walked down the street and chopped your ass up. The monkey man from the movie The Golden Child couldn’t talk, he just choked you with his chain.  Now I know that there are exceptions to every stereotype. Mohammed Ali talked noise and backed it up, Scarface talked shit, and Fred Sanford talked about giving people a fat lip, but we are talking about the everyday average Joe.  Most of the real bout it averae Joe’s in the world don’t waste time giving you a speech about what they are going to do. When you wake up in the hospital three days later, you usually find out he/she whupped your ass.

Also as a side note, black people aren’t the only people that talk trash either.  All people do it. It’s a part of some people’s human  nature. It’s just more evident in black people, because we do it so well. We can paint you a picture of what we can do to you.  You are psyched out before anything happens. I remember my mother told me as a kid that she would stomp a mud-hole in my ass if I went outside while she was at work. Now I had no clue of what a mud-hole was, but I had no doubts she could do it. I envisioned her stomping me in my mind and it hurt. So needless to say, i did not go out. This is what some people use to their advantage. If I can convince you that I’m not to be played with, I get the glory even if I don’t touch you. That’s wack to me.

Handle your business when you have to, but stop talking noise, especially if  you aint gonna do jack!

 

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Traffic Court…You Have the Right to Remain Silent!

I had the pleasure of getting a speeding ticket recently on my way to work one morning. I was driving down the street while listening to the Rickey Smiley morning show on the radio and they caught me driving a few miles over the speed limit. With all the people whizzing pass me, I was surprised he pulled me over. It’s not like I was weaving through traffic in reverse like Puff & Biggie on the Hypnotize video.

To make matters worse, I got pulled over right across the street from my office. The cop was hiding in the bushes like the dude from cheaters in that black van.

So not only am I getting a ticket, but I got everybody turning into my office building pointing at me and being nosy. I just knew as soon as I got to my desk, my computer was going to be flooded with emails from my co-workers wanting to know what happened.

Surprisingly, the Cop was pretty cool, but I could tell he was happy to fill his quota. He had me feeling like Smokey on Friday trying to lie to Big Worm.

I figured since the cop was a “brutha,” I could make small talk and get away with a warning….He should understand my struggle as a poor black man trying to make it in America right??  NOT! He wrote the ticket from his patrol car so he would not have to holla at me; then he drove off. I was so mad; I just turned my car off and walked a couple of hundred feet to my office.

The cop did tell me that I could go to court and contest it, but I was like, “for what?” He clocked me on radar. I already knew I was guilty. Besides, you know black folk don’t do well in court! Why set myself up?

On the other hand, the points and the fine were too much to endure on my driving record and my pockets. I had to try to do something.

 So, to get my fine reduced and some points taken away, I decided to go to court to plead my case. I was gonna get my People’s Court on. (LOL)

If you have never been to court before, it is both a very entertaining and humbling experience. It was like watching your drunken uncle tell a story. I can understand now why people watch all those Judge shows like Judge Judy, Judge Joe Brown and Judge Mathis.

My appointment wasn’t until 2:30, but I got there early to avoid any foolishness. The last thing I wanted to do was be late. So as I sat there, I got to witness other peoples’ cases. This was probably the best decision I made all year.

The judge was slaying people left and right. He was slicing them like King Leonidas from 300. No excuse went unchallenged and no clown went unembarrassed. The stories I heard were both amazing and amazingly dumb. Just when you thought you heard it all, you heard somebody say something more asinine than the person who testified before them. The hardest part is not laughing out loud when you hear it.

Why in the hell would somebody come to court and lie about their driving record under oath? Do they not know that their traffic record is in front of the judge as he tries your case?

By the time my name was called to take the stand, I just went in front the judge and just told the truth. I just walked up and said, “Guilty your honor. I made a mistake.” I braced myself for the verdict, like in the Color Purple when Cielie made Shug Avery that breakfast after Mister tried to serve her some burnt food.

Without going into the legal details, I can honestly say that I made out alright. It was definitely worth showing up.

If you ever have to go to traffic court and you want to make it out with your driving privileges and freedom in tact. Follow these rules:

 6 Rules to Follow in Traffic Court:

 1. For the duration of your visit, treat the Judge like he is God – These judges sometimes have egos (Not the one I had of course). Never challenge a person with the power to take your freedom with a wooden hammer. They’ll rip you apart to make an example out of you.

2. Accept responsibility for your violation – Do not make up excuses about what happened. Unless you died, plead guilty and pray for a miracle.

3. Don’t lie about nothing…Period

4. Always reply, “Your Honor.” (This kind of goes with rule #1.)

5. Have the cash to pay your fine. You want to end this scenario as soon as possible. Pay the fine and close the case.

6. Don’t talk to other people about your driving record in court. They will throw you under the bus to save themselves.

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I Need a Window Seat Next to Erykah Badu

People act like they never saw a naked woman before…..To me, Erykah Badu has always been a deep and soulful artist, but now all of a sudden the mainstream media is trying to play her like she is some desparate deviant diva vying for attention and record sales. Aww Phooey! It’s not like she pulled a stunt like lil’ Kim did at an award show on the red carpet with the glitter pasty on her left breastasis’.

My, my, my, how soon we forget…Back in the day, Madonna used to pop up naked all the time at weddings, picnics and report card conferences, and nobody would say a thing.  Pink gets naked for every awards show and does an aerial ribbon in the sky performance, and people call her “creative and bold.” I think people let it ride, beucause Pink has the body of a 13 year-old boy. On the real, I really think that people have been hating on Erykah, because of how fine she looked. It takes a lot to go in the buff on a busy street in broad daylight. Erykah did the damn thing. She was just strutting down the street with that, “I got a big booty walk.”

Jealousy is a terrible thing.  Some people are trying to say that it’s a big deal, because of where she did it. All of a sudden, President Kennedy’s assassination site is a sacred place. Let me be clear, the assasination of one of our greatest Presidents ever was a terrible thing. It was one of the darkest days in our country’s history. However, I don’t think the street he was shot on should be treated like the road to Damascus.

If this place was so sacred, why haven’t they cracked down on all the real crimes that happen in this area. Bums piss on the grassy knoll, crack-heads buy rocks there, and people still get shot on that very same street. Yet, people on the news were crying out, “how could she do that on the same land Kennedy was killed on?”

Why no outcry for Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., USA? These streets have murders, rapes and drug deals go on everyday and nobody says a thing. “Ground Zero” in New York City still has a hole in the ground. The alley in South Central Los Angeles where Ricky was shot still has prostitutes running through it. Is any street in America really sacred?

 People with flat butts and big guts are saying that she did it for record sales….GTFOH. That’s their way of saying, “she’s got a fatty and I have a flatty.” Hateration at its finest. It’s always somebody with a chewed up body hating on somebody else who is confident enough to show their bodies off. Erykah is the bomb, but she don’t need her ass to sell records. I could see if this was a sexual song a la’ D’Angelo’s song “untitled.”

Erykah Badu has always had a large fan base and she did not need a publicity stunt to generate a buzz. She makes great music….period. The woman was making an artistic statement in this video. I don’t quite know what it is yet, but I am sure that after I watch it a few more hundred times, I will figure it out.

Andre’ 3000 and Common knew a long time ago, what most of us were just recently able to witness to. Erykah Badu should change her name to Erykah Badonk-a-donk-du.

What is interesting about this is that Lady Ga Ga can come out wearing some Mardi Gras beads and some glitter-glad wrap to a catholic church service and people would call her an “artist.” The double-standards in our society are amazing.

 Even if they continue to bash her and charge her with indecent exposure, I am still buying her album. The song is actually good and I am sure the album will be great.

If they try to charge her with anything else…(singing) I think she better callllll Tyyyrooonee!!!

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My Thoughts on 2010…. and Tiger Woods.

I know that I have been gone for a minute, but I am back in full – effect. I had some issues to take care of over the past few months but like Jay Z said, “I just thugged my way my through,” and now I have more time to write again. I had to make a stand just like Michael Evans did win the Jr. Warlords tried to punk him on Good Times.

So much has happened in the past few months, and I have so many topics that I want to write about, I don’t know where to start. So, I am just going to catch up on a few things that have happened in the news that I have opinions about.

Here are some of my random thoughts and opinions:

Gilbert Arenas Avoids Jail

Suspended NBA star Gilbert Arenas was sentenced to two years of supervised probation Friday for bringing guns into his team’s locker room.

He also is to serve 30 days in a halfway house. He will be required to serve 400 hours of community service and contribute $5,000 to a fund for victims of violence.

I am glad this dude did not go to prison. He is not a threat to society. He may be dumb as hell, but not a menace to society like some people are trying to paint him.

What is up with all of these celebrity and athletes catching gun charges? If you got more than $10 million dollars in the bank, hire a body-guard. Also, why do they act like they cannot register their guns? They can buy 24 inch spinning rims, but can’t get a gun permit? GTFOH!

Since we are on this topic, I also think they should free Plaxico Burress. Stupidity without hurting anyone should not require a jail sentence.

 Healthcare Reform Passed

I have no immediate feelings about recently passed healthcare reform bill itself yet. However, I do applaud President Obama for having the endurance to pass any legislation amidst all of the opposition he faced, which in some cases had nothing to do with the bill itself. It’s really because he is what the tea party calls a “Socialist” (African-American)

For the simple fact that the bill is over 2700 pages long, I am willing to bet that NOBODY has read the bill in its entirety, so a lot of the drama around it is pure speculation and hateration. 

While I am sure that I could find something that I disagree with in the 2700+ pages of manuscript, it seemed that the Republicans were just hell bent on preventing the President and his Democratic majority from passing anything.

Once I educate myself a little more, I will have a better opinion on the details. What I do know after having a baby last year, something had to change. I spent too much money to on stuff that they gave to ILLEGAL immigrants for free. I am not hating on them, but when an Aspirin is $80.00, something aint right.

Two words: Unity Please?

 EarthQuake in Haiti

This earthquake was a terrible disaster and my heart goes out to all of the victims in Haiti. It’s a messed up situation and I wish them all the best in rebuilding their country and their lives.

Now I know I am going to tick some people off, but I am going to say what I am sure a lot of people have been thinking. Haiti is always going to be a slum and they are not going to rebuild it. …. Rebuild it to what? It was the poorest country in the western hemisphere and it is going to stay that way. Coca-Cola is not coming to build plants there; they are not getting a Wal-Mart or a Ford plant. Puh-leaase. I wish instead of just buying tents and buckets to get water for people to gather out of make shift wells, that someone came up with a plan to modernize the place and help build a better future for the country. I would love to see Haiti get new schools, hospitals and infrastructure.

People are donating all kinds of money and most of it is going into rich peoples’ pockets.  I am positive that the infrastructure there will still look like shit five years from now. I just read an article that Wyclef Jean (Mr. Haiti himself) gave some money from his charity for Haitian relief to his lil jump off. If he is doing that, that’s terrible.

Now let’s not get it twisted, there are people helping and making a difference, but after this is not the top newsheadline, people are gonna to forget about this disaster.

As for now, people have tried to do all they could. They have held telethons and they have even re-recorded “We are the World” with Lil Wayne singing on autotune and everything, but Haiti still looks like…well….Haiti.

They keep saying that the world won’t forget about Haiti, but just look in our own backyard: Is there a new World Trade Center up yet in New York City? Think about New Orleans and Hurricane Katrina. Is the 9th ward back on and poppin’

Haiti was being messed over long before the earthquake and just like hurricane Katrina did New Orleans, it just exposed a lot of ills that the rest of the world forgot about or never cared to know.

Monique Wins an Oscar

Congratulations to Monique on her Oscar……but is it me or does a black woman got to play a role as a crack-head whore or an incestuous ghetto baby momma pedophile to win an academy award in Hollywood? That’s garbage, because actresses like Angela Bassett and Oprah Winfrey have played excellent roles in movies like The Color Purple and What’s Love Got to do With It, but did not win.

Don’t give me that jive about Jennifer Hudson either. She was still a loud uneducated ghetto baby momma too in Dreamgirls, she just could sing.

They say it’s about the performance, but to me it’s more about the negative image that they are portraying.They are  giving awards for these sisters playing the stereotype.

Tiger Woods

Just play golf bruh! You are not the first or last adulterer in this world. As long as you did not bang some woman during the nationally televised broadcast of the Masters, you don’t owe the media an explanation about your personal life. You are not perfect (duh); neither are the people judging you. Keep it moving….

By the way, you’re not a sex addict…you’re a man! People are always trying to run to rehab for something. What type of rehab is out there for a man (with millions and fame) who likes to have sex with willing, women. What do you do in rehab, besides practice abstinence and dream about the day you get out, so you can get some?

Using drugs is not a normal activity, drinking is not a normal everyday activity, but sex is a natural biological function. How are you going rehab from that? Can you make a lion a vegetarian?

Lil Wayne Goes to Jail

Another celebrity with a gun charge. Youuuungg Muula Baabyy!

Seriously though, I don’t wish prison on nobody. Period. I just hope Lil Wayne has a positive message for all these youngsters and old ass adult youngsters that are looking up to him.

You are not a thug, you’re an artist. You went to McMain homey. Stay up!

American Idol is Garbage

This has to be the worst installment of this show ever. I am more than sure this will be the last go around for American Idol.  Paula ans Simon will be gone and Ellen should not ever judge musical talent again.

I guess all the aspiring R&B and Alternative artists I know in the United States were not qualified to go to Hollywood, but the average Joe-Shmo is on TV every night trying to become the next American Idol. Shucks, I think I could have made it through this year.

I definitely think my homey Eli would have went through:

I am sure that everyone in a city where they had auditions is like, “damn I should have taken off work that day to go audition for the show.”

These singers are trash and not only that, they are voting off the most decent ones out the group. It’s like you are choosing the best from the worst. If you had to choose a wife out of Weezy Jefferson, Florida Evans, and Harriet Winslow, wouldn’t you be mad as hell if they eliminated Harriet Winslow?

This was the best thing that happened on American Idol this year.

Reggie Bush Leaves Kim Kardashian

The only ring Reggie is interested in is the ring he won in Miami. Kim is not wifey material, she’s only nightly material. Can you see her being a mother and raising a family? She is actually not a celebrity to me. She’s just a pretty woman who dates famous men.

Celebrity couples are given too much credit anway. They don’t have more meaningful relationships than us regular folks, nor are they role models for “average couples.” They are just like us with more money. Some people act like celebrity relationships are these magical unions that are suppose to end in marriage. It seems more like these celebrity relationships end in either a scandal, a reality show or herpes.

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

The Marine Corps’ top officer says he would want to avoid housing gay and heterosexual Marines in the same rooms on base if the ban on gays openly serving in the military is lifted.

I say, it does not matter. They are thousands of homosexuals serving in the military today and it’s not a big deal. There is a gay soldier today in the barracks sleeping right next to a straight soldier. So what? Do they think if they make separate barracks that the gay guys are going to have pink Hello Kitty sheets on the beds and that they are going to wear lavender army fatigues with skinny leg pants?

If they are that bent out of shape, why not separate the troops by race again, or religion. Maybe the Muslim soldiers can become a new suicide bomber unit.. (Sarcasm)

I just think that the military has more important things to worry about.

Truth be told, I support all of our American soldiers who volunteer and put their life on the line for the rest of us scary, fat, lazy, or uninterested Americans who wouldn’t go to war even if they were drafted by Obama himself.

If I was kidnapped by the taliban on the way to the store or attacked by a foreign force, and a group of U.S. soldiers  jumped from a helicopter to save me, I am not going to stop the guys and say, “excuse me, are you gay? I only want straight men to save my life.”

You got a whole bunch of straight people that wouldn’t even help you fix a flat tire on the highway. I say leave them alone.

I’ll be back in a week with a new original topic……Holla!

 

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The Ghetto Big Brother is Watching…

So I am sure that everyone has at least heard one conspiracy theory or two about how “Big Brother” (The U.S. Government) is watching your every move with their traffic-light cameras, monitors on the internet, GPS systems in cars and phones, and un-warranted wire-taps on your cell phones, etc.. Yes these things do exist, but there is another brother watching you that you are not aware of, and in most cases, they are doing more damage to your privacy than you think…It’s not the Chinese, it’s not that creepy bundle of money with the big eyes on those Geico Insurance commercials, it is everyday people.

It’s the people around you. It’s the guy in the grocery store standing behind you in the check-out line; it’s the kids in the mall, and to bring it even closer to home…..your mate. Technology has become a blessing and curse, just like Sarah Connor said it would in the Terminator when Skynet made the super-computer that decided to destroy the world. In the words of Southwest Airlines, “You are no longer safe to move around country.”

Anybody with a cell phone and a computer, can be Jack Bauer and track you down, set you up, get you busted, or just embarrass the hell out of you over the internet. Think about it, your girlfriend and your nosy ex-girlfriends are checking your Facebook page right now to find out who your friends are, what you are doing, and who you are doing it with. She also gets a text from Bank of America every time you use your visa debit card. She  getd the dollar amount you charged and the location of the charge. She also has the GPS tracking dot she can follow on the computer thanks to your cell phone.

You want to try to creep in the new BMW you just bought? Don’t do it big pimpn,’ she has a GPS system on that too, she got Onstar and a low-jack. She can kill the engine where ever you are until she gets there to Tiger Woods your ass right in front of the club.

Let’s say you lied to your boss about why you’re not coming to work? Well you better hope your house does not show up on GOOGLE MAPS! This site can show your house in live living color 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I called my father one day who lives all the way in Longview, Texas while googling his apartment address. I got to see so close, I could see his bicycle on the balcony. I said, “Dad, you should move your bike before someone steals it.” Man did that freaked him out. This made me think, hmmmm, every time I leave my house, someone can be watching me on the internet.

The biggest thing that has gone too far is the camera phone. You can be made into a YouTube sensation without even trying. Think I’m lying? Just get into a fight in a public place. People don’t break up fights or use their phone to call the police anymore; they just flip on the camera and make you their latest YouTube post. People have become so good at it, that CNN is now asking people to send them their videos they record so that CNN can air them with their news stories. 

There should be a law against people doing that….For real, for real.

With all that going on, you still have people out here who are dumb enough to just tell you all day, what they are doing and where they are going on Twitter. This is out of control, but this one is a self-imposed invasion of privacy. Just tell all your business: “I’m at Wal-Mart, I just passed gas…it stank, I’m driving down the street, Oops my license is suspended…I being pulled over by the police. D’OH!!” I can write a whole new article on Twitter alone.

 Just watch your back out here in these streets. Big Brothers are watching…..

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Career Change……What’s the Hold Up?

george-bush-motivational1What did you want to be when you grew up, a teacher, a fireman, an astronaut? I did not want to be anything like that. After I saw Purple Rain in the 80’s, I wanted to be Prince. When I got a little older, I decided that I wanted to become a writer. Twenty years later it’s still a work in progress, but at least it’s a work… right?

Now that you are grown, are you doing what you planned to do with your life in terms of your career? Are you working towards your career goals or are you still putting it off for the future like paying off your student loans?

How many years have you been saying, “Next year I am going to open a salon or restaurant.” How long have you been writing that movie, working towards your degree, or taking the bar exam?

You can sing like Patti LaBelle and you dance better than Chris Brown, but you are still working at Popeye’s. Well, what’s the hold up? (Sarcastic voice) Oh yeah, that’s right, you are starting your own label next year, and your cousin knows Babyface and he is going to get you a deal…and blah, blah, blah.

People spend a lot of time talking about what they are about to do. I know, because I was one of the greatest at doing this. I was always painting this vivid picture to people about what my future would look like and how successful I was going to be. The problem was that most of the time I was full of it, but it made me feel good just talking  about it. The sad thing is for a long time, that’s all it was…Talk. Do you know anyone like that? Someone who yells with the greatest conviction that they are going to do something and you find out they aint gonna do shit.

I heard someone say a long time ago that “talk is cheap,” and it holds true today when it comes to career aspirations. When it comes to making moves in life, you should be like Nike and “just do it.” Time waits for no man, and before you know it, you will find yourself only being able to talk about the past. “I could have had this or would have had that”…… I have countless friends that I played sports with during my teenage years who swear until this day that they could have gone pro, but they never put forth the effort or took the steps to get there.

Here are some of the reasons we give as to why we can’t work towards our career goals:

 I Don’t Have Time!

One of our challenges we face is that we are all creatures of habit. Once our lives become routine, it also becomes safe and convenient. You now become afraid to leave your comfort zone. Your job pays the bills and allows you to buy a few things and take care of your family. In this economy, nobody is trying to rock that boat. However, at the same time, you don’t want to be stuck in the same situation or limit your options either.

Routine stuns your growth. It is a mentality we develop over time. Routine is comfortable and breaking your routine is scary. Whether it is fear of failure or fear of losing what have been able to barely maintain, people are afraid to take that leap to the next level. It’s like the dumb saying goes: “The man who sleeps on the floor can’t fall out of bed.”

However, there is a way to work through this obstacle. It’s all about planning. Look at your week and log how much time you waste. Whether it is 30 minutes or 3 hours a day, this down time is what you can use to work on your career changing project. Use this time to do some research and make some long-term plans. Everyday that goes by should include you doing at least one thing toward your goal no matter how small.

Are People in the Way?

Another reason people are apprehensive about trying to progress is, because of the people around them. You know who I am talking about right? I am talking your dog, your home girl, etc.

Some of our so-called Friends, are the main ones that will hate on our ideas. Believe it or not, deep down some of your friends are envious of you and don’t want you to be doing better than them. Think about it? Do you have a friend that is always saying something negative about what you are doing? Anything you say about something, they got something bad to say about it.

The other thing is that they’re always comparing themselves to you. You know that they’ll never really support you trying to come up. You might want to distance yourself from these types of “friends.” They will only slow you down or deter you from your goals.

Self Doubt

Worst of all, some people just don’t believe that they can make it. After what I have seen over the course of my 30 plus years on this earth, I believe that anything is possible. Look around you and see what is going on. Consider this, if Frankie and Neffe can get their own television show, if Jermaine Dupri can get Janet Jackson, and if “It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp” can win an Academy Award, anything is possible.

I often watch the behind the music shows on VH1 and I recently watched both 50 Cent’s and T.I.’s show. Neither are my favorite rappers (Hov, DMX), but they both had crazy struggles earlier in their lives before they got to where they are in their industry. Are they the best at what they do, probably not, but they kept grinding.

With a little preparation and opportunity, you never know where you will end up. You don’t always have to be the best at it; you just have to be driven. Haven’t you seen the best singers not make it to Hollywood on American Idol? 

Not motivated yet? Well, if you had any doubts about being successful at making your career change, I got some medicine. Check this out:

Former President George W. Bush made his debut as a motivational speaker Monday, October 26, to a crowd of 11,000 in Fort Worth, Texas. Are you kidding me? The most non-articulate President in the history of the world has got a new job as a motivational speaker. Do you know what that means? That means that if you are a 5 foot 2 inches tall, you can play power forward for the Lakers. If you are as big as King Latifah is, you can be a stripper at the Blue Flame in Atlanta. If you have been arrested more times than Bobby Brown, you can still be  the mayor of your city. The sky is the limit. You just have to get to work!!

There are many reasons why we can say that we haven’t reached our career goals that we set for ourselves, but no excuse. We can blame it on life decisions we made early in our lives, we can blame people, or we can even blame on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol, but at the end of the day, it’s on us to get it popping. Our complacency and doubt are our own. Think about it, many people throughout history have done great things despite their opposition.

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How to Make up with Your Woman

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So you messed up with your woman and she is giving you hell. Depending on how bad you messed up, she’s probably not giving you any heaven either.   (wink, wink)

You have tried everything in the playbook to make up with her. You bought roses, Godiva chocolates, Coach Bags, etc. You even tried to take her to see Tyler Perry’s new movie and to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. Then like a dummy you bought her something from Victoria Secret, like that was going to work. She got you going through a drought  like California in the summertime. When all that failed, you might have tried to get your Darious Lovehall on and recite her that whack poem you wrote on a napkin during your lunch break at work. In most cases poetry is not our thing. We usually end up writing something like, “I love you girl, and you are my world.” Yeah that’s tight huh?…Not. You are better off letting Lil Wayne write something for you.

Most of us cannot afford to buy a Kobe Bryant 4 million dollar “I’m sorry” purple diamond ring, or send our girl to San Tropez like Jay Z. What we don’t realize is, while she takes all your good intentions and kind gestures of desperation for her forgiveness, that’s not really what they wants from us.

Since the beginning of time, women have been screaming from the tallest mountain tops about what they want us to do. Even during times of peace, they have given us the keys to paradise, but we ignored it and chose to rely on the most unreliable source for advice…ourselves.

Even the Thuggiest Thug thinks that his nick-name is Billy Dee Williams. We think that if we get a chance to put it down like Jody (Tyrese Gibson) did with Yvette (Taraje P. Henson) in the movie Baby Boy, or make her laugh like Trey (Cuba Gooding Jr.) did Brandy (Nia Long) on the porch in Boyz N the Hood, that all will be forgiven.

The fellas know what I am talking about. We have been involved in over one thousand three hundred and seventy-one arguments with our women. Usually when you mess up, you and your woman will argue and not talk to each other. Some time will go by and she’ll go back to talking to you and you will think that things are back to normal. I got news for you….it’s not. Women NEVER forget and while you sitting back poppin’ your collar like you are the Player of the Year; she is planning your demise and has loaded herself with the most potent ammunition for the next argument or payback.

So I am going to help the fellas how to make up with your woman and restore peace and love back into your relationship. Pay attention, because this might stop Big Mike from stealing your quality time.

 Here are the 3 easy steps:

 Step #1. Admit You Messed Up

 Just like alcoholics anonymous, the first step is admitting you have a problem. You must admit you are wrong; this is not the time to try to lie or out think her. Women have a built in memory like a 20 gigabyte Apple computer. One of the biggest flaws known to man is not admitting when we are wrong. Man up, take a deep breath and say the phrase that is sure to calm the storm,“baby, I was wrong.”

 Step #2. LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN

This is the golden rule for eternal happiness with your woman. Listen to her. All she wants is for you to respect her, let her express how she feels, and acknowledge how she feels. The dude that she will cheat on you with listens to her. He is interested in every tiny detail of her day and opinion. Trust me.

When you are listening to her, give her your undivided attention. Turn the football game off, pause the Play Station, and please don’t text your homeboys while she is talking to you. The other thing you have to watch is your body language. Be attentive, face her, and nod your head when she is making points. If necessary, try to delay the argument to a Tuesday or Wednesday when the game is not on.

Don’t allow yourself to get frustrated when she replays the entire situation for you, although you were there the first time. She has to do this to express herself and to get over what has upset her. It’s like watching those boring scenes in the movie Titanic with your woman. All you want to see is when the boat starts sinking, but you have to sit through entire movie with her, just because she loves the build up.

 Step #3. Respond to her when she is finished talking!

After you have confessed and listened to her, you are not done yet. Now you have to prove that you were listening. You have to say something that reassures her that, (1) you are not an idiot, and (2) She’s not an idiot for taking you back.

When she is finished talking, do not shrug it off and just say, “aight.” Say something about how you plan to fix things, or not make the same mistake again. Look her in the eyes, hold her hand (if she let’s you), and end it with a kiss and a hug. It’s that easy.

So I know what the guys may be thinking, “What do I do if the 3 step program does not work?”

The 3 step program is for Type 1 Offenses such as: petty arguments, getting caught flirting, staying out all night with your friends, lying about how much money you got stashed away, etc.

Now if you did something off the chain, like got another woman pregnant or tried to hit her, just move to another city and cut your losses. (Kidding) You should try the 3 step process, then proceed to plan B, which is better suited to handle Type 2 Offenses.(Cheating, cheating, hitting, cheating, lying and cheating, etc.)

Plan B is for emergencies only and it is important to know that these tactics should be used only as a last resort.

Tactic 1: Begging

Don’t be too proud to beg. Let her know she is worth the effort. So go ahead and get your Keith Sweat on. You would beg for your life if someone had a gun to your head right?

Tactic 2: Crying

Under no other circumstances do I condone a man crying, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. What is important to know about your “cry” is that it is like a lifeline on the TV show “Who wants to be a Millionaire?” You can only use this one once. After you cry one time, every other time you cry makes you a straight bee-yotch! You got to save this one like it’s the big joker in a game of spades.

Tactic 3: Crying & Begging

If all else fails, this tactic is the atomic bomb of reconciliation. If she does not take you back or forgive you after you do this, just pack up your stuff and call Tyrone. Go to her house and  make sure she is available to talk for at least seven minutes. If she says, “yes,” sit her down on the couch and give her the best Lenny Williams performance of your life.

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Vick Gets Shoe Deal with Nike: “Air Haters”

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A story hit the sport wires (ESPN, Fox News, SI.com, etc) regarding Michael Vick getting a new endorsement deal with Nike. The news spread quicker than Nola Darling in Spike Lee’s movie, She’s Gotta Have It. Almost immediately on every blog site, I was reading comments from people bashing Nike, saying that they are never buying Nike products ever again in life, because Nike is supporting a person that has done despicable things to dogs and has no morals. images0000

Now I am not condoning what the Vick did, because he was wrong, but when are people going to move on? People are still fighting Pit Bulls today. There is a dog fighting magazine and P.E.T.A. is not in full force like they were behind Vick trying to stop it. Last time I checked, Vick does live in the United States of America, which means he had his day in court and was judged and sentenced according to the law of this great country. He was sentenced, did almost 2 years in the State Penitentiary, and lost hundreds of millions of dollars, filed bankruptcy and was suspended from the NFL…Enough already.

At first, I applauded Nike for giving him a second chance at success. He should be able to make a living. After all, I wear Nikes. Then I had my bubble burst when Nike said Thursday it does not have a “contractual relationship” with Michael Vick, a day after the quarterback’s agent announced a deal with the manufacturer. In a statement released Thursday morning, Nike said it has “agreed to supply product to Michael Vick as we do a number of athletes who are not under contract with Nike.” So Vick gets some free Nike cleats and wrist bands. Whoopty-do.

The new comments on the bloggers pages had become celebratory. Most of the people were happy to know that Vick wasn’t making any money. They were dancing like the people in the sweatshop on The Wiz after Eviline got flushed down the toilet. Dude just can’t win.

Here is hypocrisy at its finest. They were ready to “Passion of the Christ” Vick and boycott Nike, because the crimes he committed were so reprehensible and morally irresponsible. How could Nike support such a tyrant?  However, without endorsing Vick, they were still readily and whole-heartedly willing to support a shoe company that pays workers in places like China and Korea a $1.25 an hour to make shoes that they will sell for $180.00. I don’t see Fox News covering that. Where are the moral police? Where are Lil Wayne and Bobby Valentino when you need them? Weedo, weedo, wee – weedo, weedo, wee – weedo, weedo, wee!!

They want Vick to be like Adam Sandler playing sandlot football back in Leavenworth. These people were not taking a moral stand. They were taking a personal stand against Vick.

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Gospel Choir Signs to G-Unit

0afe842cef141d46 Like Kirk Franklin used to say, “For those of you thought gospel music has gone too far”…guess what? It has. I was riding in the car with my family on the way to bible class on yesterday, and typically we like to play a little gospel music on the way to get us in the mood for a little salvation. You know, it’s kind of like when you getting ready to go out to the club and you have to put on your “pre-club” hype music. (I used to listen to Juvenile’s 400 degrees CD)

Anyway, I turned the radio to the gospel station and the DJ said, “Yo, yo, this is Praise 104.1 and we got that new Be-Be and Ce-Ce Winans.” I got excited, because you know how the Winans get down, their entire family can sing.

When the song came on, I was sadly disappointed. I was thinking to myself that the DJ must have meant to say the Wayans, because I thought I was listening to Cephus and Reesie from In Living Color. The song was terrible. As talented as they are, they tried to use autotune in their song…..AUTOTUNE in a gospel song.

Now, I am not against innovation and collaboration across music genres? However, I must admit that I was a little perturbed by this. When I listen to gospel music, I am trying to get away from the secular music.

I am fully aware that gospel music has “Christian Rap” and that people like Kirk Franklin, Fred Hammond and Donnie Mc Clurkin have fused gospel, hip-hop and R&B together. I am an open minded person; I like a lot of the gospel music out today that mixes the different styles of music. Kirk Franklin’s HeroCD is tight. I loved when Lauren Hill rocked it on Sister Act 2, but I think the gospel music today is going a little too far. The autotune gimmick is the last straw.

I am from the old school; I like the gospel music that makes you thankful, joyful and glad to get your praise on. Remember that gospel album commercial that used to come on BET late at night? Everybody loved those songs. Remember Mississippi Mass Choir?

I remember recently watching the BET awards and Mary, Mary was singing their hit song “God in Me.” Mary or Mary had on a tight leather outfit talking walking back and forth on stage talking about it was the god in her. Big as she was and as tight as those leather pants were, looked like God, Moses, Paul, Adam, Eve, Abraham and the devil was in her. And for some reason, when I hear that song, I feel like Snoop is going to come out and start singing, “Drop it like it’s hot, Drop it like it’s hot”….

The hip-hop industry is not making things any better.  Mase wants to rap, be a preacher, then rapper, then preacher again. This dude has retired more times than Brett Favre. Mary, Mary wants to be the Christian Salt-N-Pepa, and Jay Z said bump all that, just call me God.(Hova = Jehovah). Reverend Run has been the only one chillin.

 The next thing you know, gospel labels are going to start their own cliques and crews. You will be watching 106 & Park one day and Terrence and Rocsi are going to introduce the Saints performing “Saints Go Marching In,” and when you don’t see Reggie Bush, you are going to flip out. Some church choir will have formed a rap group called the Saints and the “Saints Go Marching In” is going to be a dance that will be bigger than the Soldier Boy dance and the Stanky Leg combined. The praise dancers from the church will strip from their robes and become video girls. The Pastors will  preach in autotune and the new ministers of music will be DJs.

I am not being a hater, but enough is enough already.

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Baby Thugs Gone Wild

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A 16 year-old kid named Derrion Albert was beaten to death in Chicago this week and it was captured on video tape for the world to see the epitome of ignorance plaguing our community. I did not blog on it sooner, because I needed to cool off a little, before I wrote something that I might regret later. But this black on black violence thing is getting old. Barack wants Chicago to host the 2016 Olympics; Chicago need to be hosting a gospel revival and a G.E.D. program.

Three teens arrested in the young man’s death — Silvanus Shannon, 19; Eric Carson, 16; and Eugene Riley, 18 — were seen on the videotape attacking Albert, and were charged with first degree murder and held without bail, Simonton said. Monday night authorities said they charged a fourth suspect, 17-year-old Eugene Bailey, with murder.

The entire incident was captured on video and the person who taped it had the nerve to put it on YouTube. Seriously, is it even legal for someone to film a crime and post it on the internet? Can I film someone stealing a car or robbing a bank and post it on Facebook. I think that is ridiculous. If you are video taping the crime, it means that you were obviously around during the time of the crime, so that means that you could have done something that may have saved the young man’s life. Stop filming with your camera phone and dial 9-1-1.

I really feel bad for the mother. She had to watch her son be murdered, and watch all those people standing around doing nothing. I even saw adults passing in cars on the street where the fight was taking place. I am not saying that they should have jumped in the scuffle, but call the police, blow your horn, flash your lights, do donuts in the intersection….do SOMETHING. What if it was your kid out there getting beat down with pipes and sticks, wouldn’t’ you want someone to help your kid? The only good that came from taping it, is that the prosecutors will have more concrete evidence on his killers.

So you got one black youth dead, and three going to the State Pen instead of Penn. State. And the cycle continues.

To make matters worse, Fox News was using the footage to report on the story. Although the goons that were out there fighting, clearly don’t’ represent all the youth in Chicago, they were making us all look really bad. You would think that having an African American man win the United States Presidential Election, thing would be a little better.

A lot of the youngsters today are out of control. They are not scared of anything and don’t value anthing. I am not saying al of our kids are losers, but there is a good amount of them that are. Just like Joe Clark said in Lean on Me, “They say one bad apple spoils a bunch…but what about 200?” 

In the video, these kids looked like savages on a deserted island fighting for their lives. The problem is that they are not fighting for the right things. Here’s a thought, why not fight for better schools, better after school programs, parenting classes, trade programs. Why not learn how to box and get paid to fight? Why not join the Marines and you can carry your gun around every time you go out.

Our future is not looking very bright if these kids are going to be running things. I am about to get those Rosetta Stone CDs and learn to how to speak French. I’m moving my family to France. The only thing I will have to worry about is running out of butter for my croissants.

The other question I have is where are all the African American celebrities and athletes at? Jay Z was all over the country promoting the Blueprint 3, Oprah was chillin’ with him in Marcy projects. (She had 900 police officers and the S.W.A.T. team with her).

She can go all the way to Africa and start a school, she can “speak out” against Chris Brown for washing up Rihanna, but something this major happens in Chicago where Harpo Studios her beloved studio is, and she hasn’t come out to say anything. I am bashing Oprah as a person, or telling her what to do, I am just saying that my hope is that people like her would take this opportunity to help uplift our people. Here is a great time to use your influence to help the community. I wish Oprah could channel “Sophia” from the Color Purple and go off!

There is nothing wrong with Alicia Keys going help the women in Africa fight AIDS and oppression, but we got some serious problems on the home front.

Where is Kanye West with his big mouth? He usually always has something to say.

Diddy tweets about nonsense all day. He tweets about taking a crap, he couldn’t tweet “Stop the Violence” or something? Maybe we need to get Dr. Dre to produce a “Self Destruction” video or “We All in the Same Gang” video. Maybe that would help.

What can we do as a whole? For starters, we can try to unify as a community to try to take back the streets. Go out and talk to some kids, help mobilize the community to work toward curbing the violence. Talk to our own kids; explain to them that what they hear on the radio and see on T.V. is not real. We also need to start talking to them earlier about life and what’s going on in the world. Let them know that there is a whole world outside of the hood. Let them know that keeping real is a lie. Bring them to church, bring them to school, and listen to what their problems are.

The most important thing for us is to do after all that is be consistent. Don’t try to be the president of the “Big Brother Program” every time something bad happens. Do it while Pookie chilln’ on your couch playing Madden. We have got to get involved.

I remember that episode of Good Times when they tried to make J.J. join the Satan’s Knights and go to a gang fight. James Evans Sr. stepped in and at least tried to help his son. J.J. still got a cap busted in his ass, but at least they tried.

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