Some people want to pretend that they are  like Master P would say, “bout it, bout it,” and they have are as cold-hearted as  Marlo Stansfield from HBO’s “The Wire.”  However, the reality is while there are people in the world who will throw down at the drop of a hat, there are still a large majority of people who would not throw rice at a Chinese wedding. I am not knocking non-violent people, because I am a non-violent person myself. I have been around long enough to know we are all not built to be Kimbo Slice or Tupac. My problem is when I see people perpetrating like they Dough Boy, and then not doing nothing.

 Do you know someone in your family or circle of friends that talk a lot of smack about fighting and don’t do nothing? They make a big ass scene  in public and then fall backwards on somebody in the crew saying, ” Don’t hold me, Don’t hold me!” Then they get in the car and say, “Man, I was about to whip his ass!”

It’s not becuase they just like  being in the drama, I realized this is a defense mechanism too. The art of the non-fighting trash talker is the ability to bluff your way out of a physical altercation, by verbally intimidating your opponent. This is done mainly for show and in many cases, because the person really can’t or won’t fight.

Now as an adult, I don’t condone fighting over frivolous things, but if you are going to set it off, just do it. You don’t have to make a proclamation about it. There’s nothing worse than seeing a guy talking trash in his DMX voice, then getting his brakes beat off or his cord pulled. I recently witnessed shit talking at its finest recenlty and I just had to write something about it.

I was playing basketball at the gym the other day and these two guys started arguing about a foul called during a pick-up game. The older white guy called a foul on the black guy and the brother turned into Debo and threatened to kick the white guy’s ass for even insinuating that he committed a foul. Before it got too crazy, all the fellas stepped in and broke up the faux scuffle.  The white guy did not seem to be scared, he brushed it off  and tried to take the ball out and keep playing, but my brother did not want to let it go….He went on and on about where he was from and how he was the realist triple O.G. #1 in the fitness center…Yes, we were playing at a fitness center. It’s not like we were in the hood at Stallings Park or something, we was in a National fitness center chain complete with a Café, health spa, and Yoga classes. I’m not too sure he would have been as bold in the hood. But in the suburbs, he thought he was Big Meech, Larry Hoover….(Rick Ross Song) This dude was acting like we were in Angola State Penitentiary on the prison yard playing for our respect. He continued to give us the rundown on his criminal pedigree, and because of it, we should not mess with him. “He was from the street; he did too much dirt in his past.” It made me mad, because I hate when people talk trash; especially when aint no action behind it. A lot of time they do it, because they think they have an advantage. He knew the white guy was not going to fight him. So, he gassed himself up. He was like Mad Dog on Good Times trying to punk J.J. Evans.

You know there are different types of trash talkers, but in most cases, the trash talking is to cover up the fact that they are not as bout it as they say they are. It’s actually kind of funny to listen to. This guy was a “Past Trash” talker. He was talking about things he been through to let us know that he did not play. The way he was running it down, he should have either been in jail for life, or a millionaire. Like he really shot and stabbed people on the regular….C’mon son. We d on’t believe you, you need more people….

After we broke them up again, this dude was still running his mouth as we ran up and down the court until he stopped play again to talk to all of us. He grabbed the ball at half court and declared,” The next dude that fouls me, is gonna get punched in the face…” We all were laughing, because he was basically threatening everybody, except me and the other three dudes that was on his team. He went to calling out his gang name and how he could have one of his crews come in a help him handle his business….Negro please!

Before anyone else could say anything, one of the other black guys on the opposite team could not take it anymore, he jump in the self proclaimed triple O.G.’s  face and said, “Who you gonna hit?” I guess he calls himself being the hero, but all of us were thinking the same thing. The other white guys on the court were looking scared like, “oh shit, the black guys are gonna throw down O.G. style.”

I wasn’t scared of this clown. If a guy really wanted to do something, it would have happened already. I was just embarrassed for him. He looked like an ass.  Why my people always got to be the ones ruining the good time at group activities…

I just wanted to play ball. All the white guys were looking at me like, “Do something Obama!” Before you knew it, the black dudes were pacing with each other shoulder to shoulder in a circle saying, “Do something…..you do something…swing….. nah you swing…” It was pathetic. This was how we did it in elementary school. I was waiting for someone to knock a twig off someone’s shoulder.

You know what’s worse than a dude talking noise? Its two dudes talking noise to each other. They are (1) trying to bluff each other into believing they are hard, and (2) trying to convince the white people on the court that black guys keep it hood no matter where we are. The truth of the matter is if one of them really wanted to fight, it would have happened without the dramatic scene. I think I even heard someone say,” just fight already, damn!”

After a few more minutes of the drama, everyone else quit and left them on the court arguing. They messed up the game for everybody. At this point I was mad. I felt like, I wanted to see some type of action now that they ruined the game.

I don’t want to generalize, but I felt like this guy was under the impression that people were going to be intimidated by him, because he was a big black guy with tattoos. (You know there is nothing scarier than a big black guy with tattoos…LOL.) Actually there is….TWO big black guys with tattoos! (Joking). Nobody cared about this dude or his ranting. He actually pissed people off by talking so much. 

The irony is most of the hardest dudes in the world hardly ever said a word before they got someone. Jason on Friday the 13th just walked down the street and chopped your ass up. The monkey man from the movie The Golden Child couldn’t talk, he just choked you with his chain.  Now I know that there are exceptions to every stereotype. Mohammed Ali talked noise and backed it up, Scarface talked shit, and Fred Sanford talked about giving people a fat lip, but we are talking about the everyday average Joe.  Most of the real bout it averae Joe’s in the world don’t waste time giving you a speech about what they are going to do. When you wake up in the hospital three days later, you usually find out he/she whupped your ass.

Also as a side note, black people aren’t the only people that talk trash either.  All people do it. It’s a part of some people’s human  nature. It’s just more evident in black people, because we do it so well. We can paint you a picture of what we can do to you.  You are psyched out before anything happens. I remember my mother told me as a kid that she would stomp a mud-hole in my ass if I went outside while she was at work. Now I had no clue of what a mud-hole was, but I had no doubts she could do it. I envisioned her stomping me in my mind and it hurt. So needless to say, i did not go out. This is what some people use to their advantage. If I can convince you that I’m not to be played with, I get the glory even if I don’t touch you. That’s wack to me.

Handle your business when you have to, but stop talking noise, especially if  you aint gonna do jack!

Even though they are in the way of the real trainers, I actually think that it is commendable for women to work towards their physical fitness goals, even if they start too late. I mean, what woman wants to show off her “thankles” in a bikini looking like a high school cafeteria lady. You don’t want to be called Kim “Kar-fat-agains” all summer.

 (“Thankles” are when your fat thighs, calves, and ankles are the same size all the way down your leg.)

What I hate is that, instead of joining curves, or doing P90X, or something like that, some women prefer to deceive people by buying into all these gimmicks and contraptions under their clothes.  Some women are wearing more gear than Iron-Man.

I know that there are all types of mechanisms out there to hide being out of shape or over weight. I think it is ridiculous. I have seen women with a “booty-do” on Monday, and then on Tuesday, show up to work with a flat stomach and a curvaceous body. So we thought….

(“Booty do” when your stomach sticks out further than your booty do)

It’s wrong to mislead the bruhs’ like that. Women are looking all fine with a coke bottle shape and then when a guy takes you home it all falls out like Buddy Love turning back into Sherman Klump on The Nutty Professor. Do some crunches, walk on the treadmill, or buy some roller skates….something. Why live a lie?

The problem is that, as usual, most of the ladies wait until the last minute to try to get right. You can’t get a body like Stacy Dash overnight, it takes hard work. I hear women in the gym talking to each other everyday, talking about, “Girl, I’m gonna be sexy for “The Essence” (Music Festival).” That’s wack. How about saying, “Girl, I’m gonna be sexy…period.”

Women try to lose weight for events. They go hard for major life proceedings like weddings, vacations, birthday parties, and marital affairs. What they don’t realize is that losing weight and maintaining a healthy weight and shape is a year-round lifestyle change, and once you get to the size you want, maintaining it is easy.

The problem is they want a quick fix. They are not willing to put in the work.  Some women are trading in the ab-roller for a tummy tuck.

Now I know that there are some women who have surgery for medical reasons, but there are some that have it for plain ole lazy reasons. I hear women say all the time that they are getting a tummy tuck and having gastric bypass surgeries. Then right after the surgery, they gain all the weight back. Some people don’t realize that you still have to work out. They go right back to eating hotdogs, marshmallows and gravy, without doing so much as a jumping-jack.

Have you seen what the gastric bypass procedure looks like?

Now I know that there are some beautiful women both big and small dedicated to healthy living and overall body maintenance. This article is directed to the slackers that are trying to skate the system and deceive us men. While it is my goal is to keep it real, I don’t want to just bash the ladies. I just want to shed light on a sensitive topic and also uplift my sisters by encouraging healthier living.

So instead of wearing push up bras, girdles, body shapers and leg-warmers, here are some tips to jumpstart your healthy lifestyle and improve your body’s appearance:

1. Set realistic expectations.

Don’t try to get built like Melissa Ford when you to look like a Ford Explorer. Set a more realistic goal. Weigh and measure yourself, then set short incremental weight loss goals. Unless you are smoking crack, you won’t drop 80 pounds in a month.

2. Take some workout classes.

Now I know that we are in a recession. Everybody can’t afford to pay for a trainer. I also know that everyone’s schedule does not permit them to attend formal aerobics classes. What you can do is buy some workout DVD’s. Programs like P90X might be too much for you, but I am sure there are some less expensive, but effective workout videos out there.

3. Don’t try all these gimmick diets and phony workout toys.

Although you may find pleasure in using this, it’s not really effective workout equipment.

4. Go with your man to the Gym.

This will help you three-fold. (1) You will have someone to push you and support your effort (2) It will make your relationship better. More quality time and (3) Your man can’t cheat on you with gym freaks anymore.

Now get out there and work out!!

To make matters worse, I got pulled over right across the street from my office. The cop was hiding in the bushes like the dude from cheaters in that black van.

So not only am I getting a ticket, but I got everybody turning into my office building pointing at me and being nosy. I just knew as soon as I got to my desk, my computer was going to be flooded with emails from my co-workers wanting to know what happened.

Surprisingly, the Cop was pretty cool, but I could tell he was happy to fill his quota. He had me feeling like Smokey on Friday trying to lie to Big Worm.

I figured since the cop was a “brutha,” I could make small talk and get away with a warning….He should understand my struggle as a poor black man trying to make it in America right??  NOT! He wrote the ticket from his patrol car so he would not have to holla at me; then he drove off. I was so mad; I just turned my car off and walked a couple of hundred feet to my office.

The cop did tell me that I could go to court and contest it, but I was like, “for what?” He clocked me on radar. I already knew I was guilty. Besides, you know black folk don’t do well in court! Why set myself up?

On the other hand, the points and the fine were too much to endure on my driving record and my pockets. I had to try to do something.

 So, to get my fine reduced and some points taken away, I decided to go to court to plead my case. I was gonna get my People’s Court on. (LOL)

If you have never been to court before, it is both a very entertaining and humbling experience. It was like watching your drunken uncle tell a story. I can understand now why people watch all those Judge shows like Judge Judy, Judge Joe Brown and Judge Mathis.

My appointment wasn’t until 2:30, but I got there early to avoid any foolishness. The last thing I wanted to do was be late. So as I sat there, I got to witness other peoples’ cases. This was probably the best decision I made all year.

The judge was slaying people left and right. He was slicing them like King Leonidas from 300. No excuse went unchallenged and no clown went unembarrassed. The stories I heard were both amazing and amazingly dumb. Just when you thought you heard it all, you heard somebody say something more asinine than the person who testified before them. The hardest part is not laughing out loud when you hear it.

Why in the hell would somebody come to court and lie about their driving record under oath? Do they not know that their traffic record is in front of the judge as he tries your case?

By the time my name was called to take the stand, I just went in front the judge and just told the truth. I just walked up and said, “Guilty your honor. I made a mistake.” I braced myself for the verdict, like in the Color Purple when Cielie made Shug Avery that breakfast after Mister tried to serve her some burnt food.

Without going into the legal details, I can honestly say that I made out alright. It was definitely worth showing up.

If you ever have to go to traffic court and you want to make it out with your driving privileges and freedom in tact. Follow these rules:

 6 Rules to Follow in Traffic Court:

 1. For the duration of your visit, treat the Judge like he is God – These judges sometimes have egos (Not the one I had of course). Never challenge a person with the power to take your freedom with a wooden hammer. They’ll rip you apart to make an example out of you.

2. Accept responsibility for your violation – Do not make up excuses about what happened. Unless you died, plead guilty and pray for a miracle.

3. Don’t lie about nothing…Period

4. Always reply, “Your Honor.” (This kind of goes with rule #1.)

5. Have the cash to pay your fine. You want to end this scenario as soon as possible. Pay the fine and close the case.

6. Don’t talk to other people about your driving record in court. They will throw you under the bus to save themselves.

My, my, my, how soon we forget…Back in the day, Madonna used to pop up naked all the time at weddings, picnics and report card conferences, and nobody would say a thing.  Pink gets naked for every awards show and does an aerial ribbon in the sky performance, and people call her “creative and bold.” I think people let it ride, beucause Pink has the body of a 13 year-old boy. On the real, I really think that people have been hating on Erykah, because of how fine she looked. It takes a lot to go in the buff on a busy street in broad daylight. Erykah did the damn thing. She was just strutting down the street with that, “I got a big booty walk.”

Jealousy is a terrible thing.  Some people are trying to say that it’s a big deal, because of where she did it. All of a sudden, President Kennedy’s assassination site is a sacred place. Let me be clear, the assasination of one of our greatest Presidents ever was a terrible thing. It was one of the darkest days in our country’s history. However, I don’t think the street he was shot on should be treated like the road to Damascus.

If this place was so sacred, why haven’t they cracked down on all the real crimes that happen in this area. Bums piss on the grassy knoll, crack-heads buy rocks there, and people still get shot on that very same street. Yet, people on the news were crying out, “how could she do that on the same land Kennedy was killed on?”

Why no outcry for Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., USA? These streets have murders, rapes and drug deals go on everyday and nobody says a thing. “Ground Zero” in New York City still has a hole in the ground. The alley in South Central Los Angeles where Ricky was shot still has prostitutes running through it. Is any street in America really sacred?

 People with flat butts and big guts are saying that she did it for record sales….GTFOH. That’s their way of saying, “she’s got a fatty and I have a flatty.” Hateration at its finest. It’s always somebody with a chewed up body hating on somebody else who is confident enough to show their bodies off. Erykah is the bomb, but she don’t need her ass to sell records. I could see if this was a sexual song a la’ D’Angelo’s song “untitled.”

Erykah Badu has always had a large fan base and she did not need a publicity stunt to generate a buzz. She makes great music….period. The woman was making an artistic statement in this video. I don’t quite know what it is yet, but I am sure that after I watch it a few more hundred times, I will figure it out.

Andre’ 3000 and Common knew a long time ago, what most of us were just recently able to witness to. Erykah Badu should change her name to Erykah Badonk-a-donk-du.

What is interesting about this is that Lady Ga Ga can come out wearing some Mardi Gras beads and some glitter-glad wrap to a catholic church service and people would call her an “artist.” The double-standards in our society are amazing.

 Even if they continue to bash her and charge her with indecent exposure, I am still buying her album. The song is actually good and I am sure the album will be great.

If they try to charge her with anything else…(singing) I think she better callllll Tyyyrooonee!!!

So much has happened in the past few months, and I have so many topics that I want to write about, I don’t know where to start. So, I am just going to catch up on a few things that have happened in the news that I have opinions about.

Here are some of my random thoughts and opinions:

Gilbert Arenas Avoids Jail

Suspended NBA star Gilbert Arenas was sentenced to two years of supervised probation Friday for bringing guns into his team’s locker room.

He also is to serve 30 days in a halfway house. He will be required to serve 400 hours of community service and contribute $5,000 to a fund for victims of violence.

I am glad this dude did not go to prison. He is not a threat to society. He may be dumb as hell, but not a menace to society like some people are trying to paint him.

What is up with all of these celebrity and athletes catching gun charges? If you got more than $10 million dollars in the bank, hire a body-guard. Also, why do they act like they cannot register their guns? They can buy 24 inch spinning rims, but can’t get a gun permit? GTFOH!

Since we are on this topic, I also think they should free Plaxico Burress. Stupidity without hurting anyone should not require a jail sentence.

 Healthcare Reform Passed

I have no immediate feelings about recently passed healthcare reform bill itself yet. However, I do applaud President Obama for having the endurance to pass any legislation amidst all of the opposition he faced, which in some cases had nothing to do with the bill itself. It’s really because he is what the tea party calls a “Socialist” (African-American)

For the simple fact that the bill is over 2700 pages long, I am willing to bet that NOBODY has read the bill in its entirety, so a lot of the drama around it is pure speculation and hateration. 

While I am sure that I could find something that I disagree with in the 2700+ pages of manuscript, it seemed that the Republicans were just hell bent on preventing the President and his Democratic majority from passing anything.

Once I educate myself a little more, I will have a better opinion on the details. What I do know after having a baby last year, something had to change. I spent too much money to on stuff that they gave to ILLEGAL immigrants for free. I am not hating on them, but when an Aspirin is $80.00, something aint right.

Two words: Unity Please?

 EarthQuake in Haiti

This earthquake was a terrible disaster and my heart goes out to all of the victims in Haiti. It’s a messed up situation and I wish them all the best in rebuilding their country and their lives.

Now I know I am going to tick some people off, but I am going to say what I am sure a lot of people have been thinking. Haiti is always going to be a slum and they are not going to rebuild it. …. Rebuild it to what? It was the poorest country in the western hemisphere and it is going to stay that way. Coca-Cola is not coming to build plants there; they are not getting a Wal-Mart or a Ford plant. Puh-leaase. I wish instead of just buying tents and buckets to get water for people to gather out of make shift wells, that someone came up with a plan to modernize the place and help build a better future for the country. I would love to see Haiti get new schools, hospitals and infrastructure.

People are donating all kinds of money and most of it is going into rich peoples’ pockets.  I am positive that the infrastructure there will still look like shit five years from now. I just read an article that Wyclef Jean (Mr. Haiti himself) gave some money from his charity for Haitian relief to his lil jump off. If he is doing that, that’s terrible.

Now let’s not get it twisted, there are people helping and making a difference, but after this is not the top newsheadline, people are gonna to forget about this disaster.

As for now, people have tried to do all they could. They have held telethons and they have even re-recorded “We are the World” with Lil Wayne singing on autotune and everything, but Haiti still looks like…well….Haiti.

They keep saying that the world won’t forget about Haiti, but just look in our own backyard: Is there a new World Trade Center up yet in New York City? Think about New Orleans and Hurricane Katrina. Is the 9^th ward back on and poppin’

Haiti was being messed over long before the earthquake and just like hurricane Katrina did New Orleans, it just exposed a lot of ills that the rest of the world forgot about or never cared to know.

Monique Wins an Oscar

Congratulations to Monique on her Oscar……but is it me or does a black woman got to play a role as a crack-head whore or an incestuous ghetto baby momma pedophile to win an academy award in Hollywood? That’s garbage, because actresses like Angela Bassett and Oprah Winfrey have played excellent roles in movies like The Color Purple and What’s Love Got to do With It, but did not win.

Don’t give me that jive about Jennifer Hudson either. She was still a loud uneducated ghetto baby momma too in Dreamgirls, she just could sing.

They say it’s about the performance, but to me it’s more about the negative image that they are portraying.They are  giving awards for these sisters playing the stereotype.

Tiger Woods

Just play golf bruh! You are not the first or last adulterer in this world. As long as you did not bang some woman during the nationally televised broadcast of the Masters, you don’t owe the media an explanation about your personal life. You are not perfect (duh); neither are the people judging you. Keep it moving….

By the way, you’re not a sex addict…you’re a man! People are always trying to run to rehab for something. What type of rehab is out there for a man (with millions and fame) who likes to have sex with willing, women. What do you do in rehab, besides practice abstinence and dream about the day you get out, so you can get some?

Using drugs is not a normal activity, drinking is not a normal everyday activity, but sex is a natural biological function. How are you going rehab from that? Can you make a lion a vegetarian?

Lil Wayne Goes to Jail

Another celebrity with a gun charge. Youuuungg Muula Baabyy!

Seriously though, I don’t wish prison on nobody. Period. I just hope Lil Wayne has a positive message for all these youngsters and old ass adult youngsters that are looking up to him.

You are not a thug, you’re an artist. You went to McMain homey. Stay up!

American Idol is Garbage

This has to be the worst installment of this show ever. I am more than sure this will be the last go around for American Idol.  Paula ans Simon will be gone and Ellen should not ever judge musical talent again.

I guess all the aspiring R&B and Alternative artists I know in the United States were not qualified to go to Hollywood, but the average Joe-Shmo is on TV every night trying to become the next American Idol. Shucks, I think I could have made it through this year.

I definitely think my homey Eli would have went through:

I am sure that everyone in a city where they had auditions is like, “damn I should have taken off work that day to go audition for the show.”

These singers are trash and not only that, they are voting off the most decent ones out the group. It’s like you are choosing the best from the worst. If you had to choose a wife out of Weezy Jefferson, Florida Evans, and Harriet Winslow, wouldn’t you be mad as hell if they eliminated Harriet Winslow?

This was the best thing that happened on American Idol this year.

Reggie Bush Leaves Kim Kardashian

The only ring Reggie is interested in is the ring he won in Miami. Kim is not wifey material, she’s only nightly material. Can you see her being a mother and raising a family? She is actually not a celebrity to me. She’s just a pretty woman who dates famous men.

Celebrity couples are given too much credit anway. They don’t have more meaningful relationships than us regular folks, nor are they role models for “average couples.” They are just like us with more money. Some people act like celebrity relationships are these magical unions that are suppose to end in marriage. It seems more like these celebrity relationships end in either a scandal, a reality show or herpes.

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

The Marine Corps’ top officer says he would want to avoid housing gay and heterosexual Marines in the same rooms on base if the ban on gays openly serving in the military is lifted.

I say, it does not matter. They are thousands of homosexuals serving in the military today and it’s not a big deal. There is a gay soldier today in the barracks sleeping right next to a straight soldier. So what? Do they think if they make separate barracks that the gay guys are going to have pink Hello Kitty sheets on the beds and that they are going to wear lavender army fatigues with skinny leg pants?

If they are that bent out of shape, why not separate the troops by race again, or religion. Maybe the Muslim soldiers can become a new suicide bomber unit.. (Sarcasm)

I just think that the military has more important things to worry about.

Truth be told, I support all of our American soldiers who volunteer and put their life on the line for the rest of us scary, fat, lazy, or uninterested Americans who wouldn’t go to war even if they were drafted by Obama himself.

If I was kidnapped by the taliban on the way to the store or attacked by a foreign force, and a group of U.S. soldiers  jumped from a helicopter to save me, I am not going to stop the guys and say, “excuse me, are you gay? I only want straight men to save my life.”

You got a whole bunch of straight people that wouldn’t even help you fix a flat tire on the highway. I say leave them alone.

I’ll be back in a week with a new original topic……Holla!

Five, four, three, two, one…..HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Its 2010, celebrate at the party with all your friends, pop the fire-works, do the stanky leg with your cousins, and finish the last of the liquor. Let’s end the decade with a bang! You’ve worked hard all year, endured some drama, and survived a depression. You deserve to get loose. (Singing Jay-Z) On to the next one! On to the next one!

The New Year has rolled around and you are excited about all of the new possibilities that the New Year has to offer. Just like Tevin Campbell said in his song Tomorrow: “To-morrow will bring, a bet-ter you, a better, meeeee! To-gether, we’ll show this world, we got more we could beeeee!”

(Record Scratches) But now what? It’s 2010 and just like you do every single year, you make up some “New Year” resolution that you cannot live up to. I know, because I have done it too.

 I used to always say that I was going to stop cursing, but shiiiiiiiiiit! (See what I mean?)

I know what you are thinking, the New Year is suppose to be a new beginning and you want to start things off on the right foot and yada, yada, yada; In some families it is a tradition and yada , yada,  yada…

However, how many times have you said, “I’m going to start working out this year?” Then you buy a membership to The French Riviera Spa and spandex outfits like Sherman Klump did on the Nutty Professor and you get all your friends to join you in your new workout regimen. You go strong for about a week and then your group of 300 Spartans dwindles back down to the 3 Little Pigs. After about two weeks, it’s back to Popeyes and Krispy-Kreme donuts.

I have also heard people say, “I am going to spend more time with my family.” You start off good and spend Martin Luther King Jr. Holiday with them, and then you don’t see them again until Thanksgiving. The only time you might see them in between holidays is if they let you claim lil’ Man-Man on your taxes and you feel guilty about not letting them come over and spend the night.

At this very moment, someone is declaring that they are going to start their own business…….Right now; someone is changing their mind and pushing it back to NEXT year, “Grand Opening Grand Closing!”

New Years resolutions put too much pressure on people. It’s hard to quit bad habits cold turkey. You set yourself up for failure by making an annual declaration to the world that you are going to stop or start doing something that you could not do the entire year before. All of a sudden, just because it’s January, you’re going to stop smoking weed? Okay Cheech and Chong. How can you give up drinking with Mardi Gras just around the corner? You say you’re going do better with your money, but the new 2010 Maxima just came out. You know you gots to have it!

It’s also hard to make life-changing decisions in January. The kids are still in school, so you can’t move. Nobody is hiring, so you can’t get a new job. You did not get your income taxes yet, so you can’t buy that house and get the Obama tax credit, and there is no way in hell you are going to the gym everyday in this cold ass weather.  

I propose a new approach; we are going to call it the “New Years Revolution.”  Everyone should do the same old stuff they have been doing since 2009, and start weaning themselves into their resolutions around March. That way, you miss the failure slump that most new years changes bring. This will give you some time to plan a little bit better.

This January 1^st deadline is unrealistic. You need time to gradually pull away…It’s vital to the success of your Revolution.

You can do it, just not today…

It’s the people around you. It’s the guy in the grocery store standing behind you in the check-out line; it’s the kids in the mall, and to bring it even closer to home…..your mate. Technology has become a blessing and curse, just like Sarah Connor said it would in the Terminator when Skynet made the super-computer that decided to destroy the world. In the words of Southwest Airlines, “You are no longer safe to move around country.”

Anybody with a cell phone and a computer, can be Jack Bauer and track you down, set you up, get you busted, or just embarrass the hell out of you over the internet. Think about it, your girlfriend and your nosy ex-girlfriends are checking your Facebook page right now to find out who your friends are, what you are doing, and who you are doing it with. She also gets a text from Bank of America every time you use your visa debit card. She  getd the dollar amount you charged and the location of the charge. She also has the GPS tracking dot she can follow on the computer thanks to your cell phone.

You want to try to creep in the new BMW you just bought? Don’t do it big pimpn,’ she has a GPS system on that too, she got Onstar and a low-jack. She can kill the engine where ever you are until she gets there to Tiger Woods your ass right in front of the club.

Let’s say you lied to your boss about why you’re not coming to work? Well you better hope your house does not show up on GOOGLE MAPS! This site can show your house in live living color 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I called my father one day who lives all the way in Longview, Texas while googling his apartment address. I got to see so close, I could see his bicycle on the balcony. I said, “Dad, you should move your bike before someone steals it.” Man did that freaked him out. This made me think, hmmmm, every time I leave my house, someone can be watching me on the internet.

The biggest thing that has gone too far is the camera phone. You can be made into a YouTube sensation without even trying. Think I’m lying? Just get into a fight in a public place. People don’t break up fights or use their phone to call the police anymore; they just flip on the camera and make you their latest YouTube post. People have become so good at it, that CNN is now asking people to send them their videos they record so that CNN can air them with their news stories. 

There should be a law against people doing that….For real, for real.

With all that going on, you still have people out here who are dumb enough to just tell you all day, what they are doing and where they are going on Twitter. This is out of control, but this one is a self-imposed invasion of privacy. Just tell all your business: “I’m at Wal-Mart, I just passed gas…it stank, I’m driving down the street, Oops my license is suspended…I being pulled over by the police. D’OH!!” I can write a whole new article on Twitter alone.

 Just watch your back out here in these streets. Big Brothers are watching…..

I have been a New Orleans Saints fan my entire life. Not the type of fan that jumps on the band wagon when they are winning and jumps off when they lose, but the type of fan that stuck with the team after Mike Ditka mortgaged a decade of draft picks for Ricky Williams. If it weren’t for hurricane Katrina, I would still have my 5-0 Cha-ching T-shirt.

Being born and raised in New Orleans, the Saints were the only team I followed in professional football. My father was so much of a fan; you would have thought he was on of the owners. Instead of church on Sunday, The Saints games were the only thing that would guarantee that my entire family would spend a day together. The Saints were part of the family. As an adult, my work week would be a good one or a bad one based on whether the Saints won their game.

I remember watching the games with all my cousins on Sunday afternoon with a plate of red beans in my lap sitting Indian-style front of the television. It was funny hearing the adult s in my family cursing and complaining about the game.

I watched my father and uncles throw beers and chicken bones at the screen in disgust every time the Saints would screw up. The game also came with full ghetto commentary from my uncle Steven and my pops. You could get a full injury report, game strategy, play by-play from my people. I also learned the entire history of the franchise by listening to my father and uncles tell the stories of how we picked who and what Tom Benson (the owner) was doing wrong with the team. The kids never asked questions, because the adults would get frustrated and kick us out of the living room.

The Dome Patrol:

After the Saints games were over, I used to go outside to play football in the street with my friends wearing my Bobby Hebert jersey, only to be laughed at and ridiculed by some of my friends who had sold out for a Joe Montana’s or Jerry Rice’s 49ers jersey. In spite of the dynasty the 49ers were at the time, I still thought the Saints were the best team. After all, they were the Saints. I thought that Dalton Hilliard was the best Running back to ever play and Rickey Jackson was better than Lawrence Taylor.  I used to stick up for the Saints when they lost and make excuses for them like most people do for their cousin that’s always going back and forth to prison for various crimes. I used to say, “We need a quarterback, we have a hard schedule, the refs cheated (my favorite).”

 In 1988, the Saints were playing extremely well and made it to the playoffs for the first time and played the Minnesota Vikings. The Saints were a whopping 12-3 that year and we looked unstoppable. After leading the game 10 to zero, the Vikings went on a roll and beat us 44-10. I was devastated. Vikings Wide-Receiver Anthony Carter returned a punt for a touchdown and caught a Hail-Mary touchdown pass. (The irony of a guy catching a Hail-Mary on the Saints…Whose side was Mary on?) My dad almost broke our television that day…I remember him saying a statement that would forever ring in my head,” Same ole’ Saints”….I would use that statement for the next 15 years.

In spite of all of that, when I became a teenager, I still rooted for the Saints. I remained faithful through the Ditka years, and as an adult, I have rooted through the hot/cold Haslett years, and the current Payton administration.

 A lot of my friends fell off to support the Cowboys and the Patriots etc.

Then in 2005 the unthinkable happened. Hurricane Katrina tore a hole through the Superdome and flooded my city, forcing me to move to Maryland. Living between D.C. and Baltimore, people would ask me, “So are you a Skins fan or a Ravens fan?” With pride, I would show them my Saints baseball cap, screen saver from my phone, Saints engraved door keys, tie-pin,  Saints logo debit card or the Drew Brees or Joe Horn (Remember him) Jersey I owned. People laughed and said, “the Saints suck!” Well being from New Orleans you know I had to respond, “No Yo’ momma sucks.”

 Anyway, I knew that we would not fair well in 2005 as a result of Hurricane Katrina and Aaron Brooks still at quarterback. I still supported the Saints and counted the season as a rebuilding year. Oh man did we rebuild, something magical happened in 2006. We got a new coach (Sean Payton) a good quarterback (Drew Brees) and a guy named Bush (Reggie Bush) that wasn’t from Texas. The team looked great and was kickin’ you know what and I thought to myself, whoo-hooo!! We are finally going to win the big one. All of these years of disappointment will be worth it by winning the Super Bowl. However, it was our time, lost the NFC championship to the Bears. “Same ole Saints”

 The Saints could take you high as a kite like your first love and then leave you feeling disappointed like a kid whose father did not show up to their recital. Heart attack, aneurism, and depression were some of the things I experienced over the last 30 years on a frequent basis, but for some reason I could never give up on them. I always believed that our time would come.

Does anyone remember the River City Relay in Jacksonville?

Supporting them was like the family car you never want to get rid of. Sure the car has its problems, but you have too many good memories with it and it has done too much for your family.  Also, you always saw the potential in the car and what it could be, so instead of trading it in for another model, you rebuilt the engine, and threw some 20’ spinners on it, with a coat of black & gold candy paint.

I still love the Saints, like a woman loves her baby daddy, like a fat kid loves vanilla ice-cream on his chocolate cake, like Bobby Brown likes getting arrested, like Tiger Woods loves white women.

Currently, the Saints are playing great football and are 12-0 for the first time ever in life and are looking like Super Bowl contenders. They also are not falling victim to the pitfalls and bone-head plays that long time fans are accustomed to.

This season is special, but I personally don’t care about all the undefeated mess, I just want us to get home field and continuously get better as the season winds down. Now if we happen to go undefeated in the process cool, but let’s not call the season a failure if we do lose one. The goal is to be the champs.

I wrote this, because this past Sunday against the Washington Redskins, the Saints gave me heart palpitations, because I got caught up. The way they were playing against the Redskins took me back to 1988, “Same ole Saints.” As the Saints were on the doorstep of their first loss I began to complain to my wife saying, “We blew out the Dolphins, Stomp the Eagles, Ruin the Giants and embarrass the Patriots, and then lose to the Redskins?” In my mind, that is what I was used to. The Saints building you up, and then as soon as you start to believe the hype, they let you down. But just like any other family member you have, whether they are graduating from high school or flunking out they are still family and you still support them.

Here I was about to condemn my team for losing a single game that would have made them 11 and 1. (Wow unhappy with 11 and 1? We have become spoiled)

 These may not be the “Same Ole Saints” in terms of their talent, attitude and potential, but these are the same ole Saints I have been rooting for my whole life, these are the same ole Saints that brought my family together, these are the same ole Saints that could have left and went to San Antonio, but stayed in a desolate city to support the fans who love them. (Thanks Tom Benson)

 So no matter how the rest of the season goes, this is my team and I am sticking with them win, lose or draw. I loved the 3-13 Saints, the Dome Patrol Saints, the Cha-ching Saints, the Katrina Saints, and the lost to the Bears in the NFC Championship Saints, and the undefeated 2009 Saints. I will just make sure to take an Aspirin before each game from here on out…..Geaux Saints!!!

That act of education reform was brought to us by one of the greatest Presidents in the history of the United States of America President George W. Bush. It mandates that every child in school must be “proficient” in reading and math by 2014 and schools that fall short are subject to sanctions. (How does a “C” student get to lead education reform?)

The way NCLB works is schools get to set their own standards and write their own standardized tests. All they have to do is make sure their kids pass them. If the students fail, the federal government will take away some of the funds the schools were given. In other words, some schools are running a “pass for cash” program in some places. They cannot afford to lose those federal dollars.

People get thrown off when they hear the term “proficient.” When we say proficient, do we mean proficient enough to pump gas for a living, or proficient enough to go to college and become an accountant?

A new federal study shows that nearly a third of the states decreased academic standards in recent years. Fifteen states in all lowered proficiency standards in fourth and eighth-grade reading or math from 2005 to 2007. Three states – Maine, Oklahoma, and Wyoming – decreased standards in both subjects at both grade levels.

For example, in Mississippi, the state with the easiest standards, a score of 163 is deemed “proficient” but in Massachusetts, at the top, the standard for skills is set at 232. That’s a difference of 69 points. Should your child’s education be determined by zip code? Shouldn’t there be a universal standard? We have universal standards for everything else. My credit score is universal….

I know first hand that the standards are different in certain areas. I went to a public school in New Orleans called John F. Kennedy Senior High. I was in “Gifted” classes and I graduated ranked #7 in my class with a 3.90 GPA. That did not mean shit. When I got to the University of New Orleans for college, felt like I should have been in Special Ed classes. I was not ready for college academically. I was being exposed to things for the first time that some kids had in the 10th grade. After 5 years (yes I said 5, don’t judge me),  I managed to graduate with a very low “B” average, but it was very difficult.

So in today’s global economy, where our kids are facing all kind of competition from students all over the world, where kids in many foreign countries are focused on academics and technology, our kids in some areas are getting a third or fourth rate education and learning different variations of the stanky leg.

That’s why some of our kids are uninterested in school. The teachers are teaching to a standardized test and our kids are not being ready for the future. What are you teaching with ditto sheets and old practice test booklets from 1987? Where is the stimulation for a child’s imagination?  Kids aren’t reading Shakespeare anymore and having science fairs. Kids are not having cultural resources events at school. They have even taken art and music classes out of a lot of schools.  That’s why these kids are dropping out.

Our kids are not dumb, they are filled with passion and infinite potential; they are just not being given the training they need to go to college and beyond. Kids think they have a good education just because they get diploma (a piece of paper) that says they’re finished with high school. We’re lying to our children when we tell them they’re proficient, when they’re really not achieving at a level that will prepare them for success once they get to the real world. Let’s keep it real, you got nurses who get their degrees online in six weeks, do you really want them helping you in the hospital?

It’s like when a kid in the Special Olympics wins the 50 yard dash and everyone is proud of the fact he/she won in spite of their physical limitations. Somebody would be doing a terrible disservice to that kid if they told them that they were ready to go out and race Usain Bolt in the 2012 Olympics in Rio.

Remember what they did to JJ on Good-Times?

Some countries are training their kids to be scientist and software engineers. In other places, kids are learning about agriculture and technology, while the there are schools in the U.S. grooming the next Gucci Manes, Frankies & Neffes, and Lil Boosies.

Isn’t the purpose of school is to make our kids smarter so that they can be productive members of society? Why doesn’t anyone realize that dumb kids will grow up to be dumber adults?

It is not like this everywhere, but it’s happening  in too many places. How do we supposedly have the best educational institutions in the world, but have the highest drop out rates?

Here is a copy of the study: http://nces.ed.gov/nationsreportcard/pdf/studies/2010456.pdf

Parents, we need to step up. We must still take responsibility for our kids receiving a good education. Help supplement what your kids are learning or not learning in school. Go to a PTA meeting.

Ways to Help Our Kids:

• One on One Tutor Time at home
• Talk with them about their career aspirations/support them
• Help your aspiring rapper not become a rapper
• Watch Sesame Street
• Buy “Hooks on Phonics”
• Buy “My Baby Can Read”
• Make Some Flash Cards (Spelling, Multiplication Tables)
• Read them any Book ( A history book or biography book)
• Teach them about computers and how to use different software applications. Teach them about the web other than how to use social networking sites

If you read any spelling or grammatical errors in this article, remember that I went to public school….

For those who were not motivated to fight, you would put a stick on their shoulder and dare the other person to knock it off. This would be the match that was sometimes needed to start the fire. Nonetheless, the fight ensued and the people were able to release their tension.

Back in the day, getting your occasional scrap on was both  fun and exhilarating. It was also necessary to build character while growing up in the hood or in a large family of ghetto cousins and siblings.

Then something happened that would change your life forever…you grew up! You realized that aside from the possibility of being charged with felony assault, battery, or even attempted murder; fighting in the street like an ignorant buffoon was not a good look. Not to mention the possibility of being sued by the loser and in some cases losing your job.

The point that I am trying to make is that if you are grown you should not be fighting in the streets, like you are still a teenager. What some adults don’t realize is that, they are not in high school anymore and you don’t have to fight to prove you are tough. Adults are also setting bad examples for their kids. Not to mention, some people are taking major “L’s” (Losses). People are putting the beat downs on youtube and your insurancce does not have a deductible for ass whippins’. This phase of your life should be over, you should be enjoying the adult years of your life.

Have you ever gone out to a club where everyone was dressed up nice and people were drinking and dancing to the music and then all of a sudden, Pookie sees Keisha’s brother who owes him three dollars from two years ago and he wants payback? He starts a bar room brawl and ruins the night for everybody. They get kicked out the club all drunk and bloody. It’s pretty lame to see. What about the fights your friends start and expect you to jump into? This aint boys in the hood man! We aint Ricky and Dough-boy no more..

What about women who have fights at weddings and baby showers? Hot ghetto mess. And when women fight whew!! Breastasis’ pop out, weaves are yanked out, and women are more likely to stab one another. Nine times out of ten, this fight is over a guy. Men hate to see this type of violence with our women…Unless they are fine!

Adults should realize that the best way to win a fight is to walk away. As a mature rational thinking adult, you should be able to diffuse or avoid certain situations without having to get your Roy Jones Jr. on.

However, I do realize that there are some exceptions to every rule. After all, I have had my fair share of altercations in my lifetime. I understand that there are some situations that may require you to handle your business:

1. You joined the UFC to earn extra income
2. You are in Prison and someone wants to cuddle
3. Someone does something to your Spouse/Kids
4. Somebody hits you first
5. Rihanna questions you about a text message (Kidding)
6. Somebody talking about your momma!!!

Other than that, you got to let it ride. Road rage, he said/she said, verbal altercations, and stepping on shoes by accident, should not end up with you clocking somebody with a blunt object.

A lot of people think that they have to fight to keep it real. Keepin’ it real is one of the dumbest phrases ever that has ruined a generation.

Here is an example where keeping it real goes wrong. I work out at what is supposed to be a premier (Expensive as hell) fitness center, where the clientele consists of really wealthy and supposedly well-off people. I was playing a pick-up game of 5-on-5 basketball and a fight broke out between two guys that were arguing about a foul that was called. One guy called the other one a cheating bitch and the other guy “kept it real.” He called the guy a punk ass bitch, and then proceeded to swing on him. What he did not know is that the other guy was a retired martial arts instructor. In two short moves, the guy that threw the first punch had a busted lip and a lump in his neck (ouch). What was so terrible about the fight is that he looked bad while he was getting his ass whipped. You can tell he was bullied as a kid.  He really did not know how to fight. He did a lot of foot shuffling and non-existent boxing combinations in the air. The guy that won thought he was about to get accolades for winning the fight. He made his victory speech and was trying to explain how he was a bad ass back in the day, but all the guys quit playing and went home. Nobody wanted to be around all that foolishness. We were all grown ass men with families and responsibilities. After the fake ass rumble in the jungle, the guys were kick out of the gym and they both had their memberships revoked. They were lucky they were not arrested.

The fight went kind of like this:

Now was that worth it? Probably not….

The point is that grown people should not be fighting. (Especially if you cannot fight) We are supposed to be mature adults setting examples for our children. Try talking like civilized human beings. Keep it real with yourself, you’re not a “G” and your last name aint’ Mayweather.

 If you must fight, at least get some training.