How to Make up with Your Woman

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So you messed up with your woman and she is giving you hell. Depending on how bad you messed up, she’s probably not giving you any heaven either.   (wink, wink)

You have tried everything in the playbook to make up with her. You bought roses, Godiva chocolates, Coach Bags, etc. You even tried to take her to see Tyler Perry’s new movie and to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. Then like a dummy you bought her something from Victoria Secret, like that was going to work. She got you going through a drought  like California in the summertime. When all that failed, you might have tried to get your Darious Lovehall on and recite her that whack poem you wrote on a napkin during your lunch break at work. In most cases poetry is not our thing. We usually end up writing something like, “I love you girl, and you are my world.” Yeah that’s tight huh?…Not. You are better off letting Lil Wayne write something for you.

Most of us cannot afford to buy a Kobe Bryant 4 million dollar “I’m sorry” purple diamond ring, or send our girl to San Tropez like Jay Z. What we don’t realize is, while she takes all your good intentions and kind gestures of desperation for her forgiveness, that’s not really what they wants from us.

Since the beginning of time, women have been screaming from the tallest mountain tops about what they want us to do. Even during times of peace, they have given us the keys to paradise, but we ignored it and chose to rely on the most unreliable source for advice…ourselves.

Even the Thuggiest Thug thinks that his nick-name is Billy Dee Williams. We think that if we get a chance to put it down like Jody (Tyrese Gibson) did with Yvette (Taraje P. Henson) in the movie Baby Boy, or make her laugh like Trey (Cuba Gooding Jr.) did Brandy (Nia Long) on the porch in Boyz N the Hood, that all will be forgiven.

The fellas know what I am talking about. We have been involved in over one thousand three hundred and seventy-one arguments with our women. Usually when you mess up, you and your woman will argue and not talk to each other. Some time will go by and she’ll go back to talking to you and you will think that things are back to normal. I got news for you….it’s not. Women NEVER forget and while you sitting back poppin’ your collar like you are the Player of the Year; she is planning your demise and has loaded herself with the most potent ammunition for the next argument or payback.

So I am going to help the fellas how to make up with your woman and restore peace and love back into your relationship. Pay attention, because this might stop Big Mike from stealing your quality time.

 Here are the 3 easy steps:

 Step #1. Admit You Messed Up

 Just like alcoholics anonymous, the first step is admitting you have a problem. You must admit you are wrong; this is not the time to try to lie or out think her. Women have a built in memory like a 20 gigabyte Apple computer. One of the biggest flaws known to man is not admitting when we are wrong. Man up, take a deep breath and say the phrase that is sure to calm the storm,“baby, I was wrong.”

 Step #2. LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN

This is the golden rule for eternal happiness with your woman. Listen to her. All she wants is for you to respect her, let her express how she feels, and acknowledge how she feels. The dude that she will cheat on you with listens to her. He is interested in every tiny detail of her day and opinion. Trust me.

When you are listening to her, give her your undivided attention. Turn the football game off, pause the Play Station, and please don’t text your homeboys while she is talking to you. The other thing you have to watch is your body language. Be attentive, face her, and nod your head when she is making points. If necessary, try to delay the argument to a Tuesday or Wednesday when the game is not on.

Don’t allow yourself to get frustrated when she replays the entire situation for you, although you were there the first time. She has to do this to express herself and to get over what has upset her. It’s like watching those boring scenes in the movie Titanic with your woman. All you want to see is when the boat starts sinking, but you have to sit through entire movie with her, just because she loves the build up.

 Step #3. Respond to her when she is finished talking!

After you have confessed and listened to her, you are not done yet. Now you have to prove that you were listening. You have to say something that reassures her that, (1) you are not an idiot, and (2) She’s not an idiot for taking you back.

When she is finished talking, do not shrug it off and just say, “aight.” Say something about how you plan to fix things, or not make the same mistake again. Look her in the eyes, hold her hand (if she let’s you), and end it with a kiss and a hug. It’s that easy.

So I know what the guys may be thinking, “What do I do if the 3 step program does not work?”

The 3 step program is for Type 1 Offenses such as: petty arguments, getting caught flirting, staying out all night with your friends, lying about how much money you got stashed away, etc.

Now if you did something off the chain, like got another woman pregnant or tried to hit her, just move to another city and cut your losses. (Kidding) You should try the 3 step process, then proceed to plan B, which is better suited to handle Type 2 Offenses.(Cheating, cheating, hitting, cheating, lying and cheating, etc.)

Plan B is for emergencies only and it is important to know that these tactics should be used only as a last resort.

Tactic 1: Begging

Don’t be too proud to beg. Let her know she is worth the effort. So go ahead and get your Keith Sweat on. You would beg for your life if someone had a gun to your head right?

Tactic 2: Crying

Under no other circumstances do I condone a man crying, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. What is important to know about your “cry” is that it is like a lifeline on the TV show “Who wants to be a Millionaire?” You can only use this one once. After you cry one time, every other time you cry makes you a straight bee-yotch! You got to save this one like it’s the big joker in a game of spades.

Tactic 3: Crying & Begging

If all else fails, this tactic is the atomic bomb of reconciliation. If she does not take you back or forgive you after you do this, just pack up your stuff and call Tyrone. Go to her house and  make sure she is available to talk for at least seven minutes. If she says, “yes,” sit her down on the couch and give her the best Lenny Williams performance of your life.

5 Comments

Filed under Celebrity News, Hip Hop, new orleans, Opinion, Relationships

5 responses to “How to Make up with Your Woman

  1. Bosssston!

    Dude! Real talk + comedy in one, Love it!! Trips to St. Tropez, and getting ur Keith Sweat on! Haa!! I like step 3 of the 3step Program… And yea u get another female pregnant or Hit me, ya better call Tyronnnnnne!! And Bookie, Tyrell, and Shaneeka! LMMAO

  2. Courtney

    Hmmmm…what did u do????

  3. As always, that was laugh-out-loud hilarious. Although I must add, most of these weak ass women will take back a man who has committed any offense, once he starts crying. Because a woman’s mind thinks, “Wow, he must REALLY love me!”

  4. Melanie

    Love the ways to make up to your woman comments. you are a fool, but on point.

  5. Whitty Gritty

    In all honesty, if my man started crying. I would just pause….take a deep breath….do and about-face…. and drive away. Some offenses are just a one shot deal. Cheating, hitting, lying, and CRYING! I agree with Ms. Robyn, these weak ass chicks make sick! They just sad and dumb as hell. They act like whoever they’re with is their final chance at ‘love’. Trust me on this one, if you put yourself out there the right way, you will attract the right man.

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