The Ghetto Big Brother is Watching…

So I am sure that everyone has at least heard one conspiracy theory or two about how “Big Brother” (The U.S. Government) is watching your every move with their traffic-light cameras, monitors on the internet, GPS systems in cars and phones, and un-warranted wire-taps on your cell phones, etc.. Yes these things do exist, but there is another brother watching you that you are not aware of, and in most cases, they are doing more damage to your privacy than you think…It’s not the Chinese, it’s not that creepy bundle of money with the big eyes on those Geico Insurance commercials, it is everyday people.

It’s the people around you. It’s the guy in the grocery store standing behind you in the check-out line; it’s the kids in the mall, and to bring it even closer to home…..your mate. Technology has become a blessing and curse, just like Sarah Connor said it would in the Terminator when Skynet made the super-computer that decided to destroy the world. In the words of Southwest Airlines, “You are no longer safe to move around country.”

Anybody with a cell phone and a computer, can be Jack Bauer and track you down, set you up, get you busted, or just embarrass the hell out of you over the internet. Think about it, your girlfriend and your nosy ex-girlfriends are checking your Facebook page right now to find out who your friends are, what you are doing, and who you are doing it with. She also gets a text from Bank of America every time you use your visa debit card. She  getd the dollar amount you charged and the location of the charge. She also has the GPS tracking dot she can follow on the computer thanks to your cell phone.

You want to try to creep in the new BMW you just bought? Don’t do it big pimpn,’ she has a GPS system on that too, she got Onstar and a low-jack. She can kill the engine where ever you are until she gets there to Tiger Woods your ass right in front of the club.

Let’s say you lied to your boss about why you’re not coming to work? Well you better hope your house does not show up on GOOGLE MAPS! This site can show your house in live living color 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I called my father one day who lives all the way in Longview, Texas while googling his apartment address. I got to see so close, I could see his bicycle on the balcony. I said, “Dad, you should move your bike before someone steals it.” Man did that freaked him out. This made me think, hmmmm, every time I leave my house, someone can be watching me on the internet.

The biggest thing that has gone too far is the camera phone. You can be made into a YouTube sensation without even trying. Think I’m lying? Just get into a fight in a public place. People don’t break up fights or use their phone to call the police anymore; they just flip on the camera and make you their latest YouTube post. People have become so good at it, that CNN is now asking people to send them their videos they record so that CNN can air them with their news stories. 

There should be a law against people doing that….For real, for real.

With all that going on, you still have people out here who are dumb enough to just tell you all day, what they are doing and where they are going on Twitter. This is out of control, but this one is a self-imposed invasion of privacy. Just tell all your business: “I’m at Wal-Mart, I just passed gas…it stank, I’m driving down the street, Oops my license is suspended…I being pulled over by the police. D’OH!!” I can write a whole new article on Twitter alone.

 Just watch your back out here in these streets. Big Brothers are watching…..

The Saints are 12 N.O. – I have waited all my life for a season like this…

I have been a New Orleans Saints fan my entire life. Not the type of fan that jumps on the band wagon when they are winning and jumps off when they lose, but the type of fan that stuck with the team after Mike Ditka mortgaged a decade of draft picks for Ricky Williams. If it weren’t for hurricane Katrina, I would still have my 5-0 Cha-ching T-shirt.

Being born and raised in New Orleans, the Saints were the only team I followed in professional football. My father was so much of a fan; you would have thought he was on of the owners. Instead of church on Sunday, The Saints games were the only thing that would guarantee that my entire family would spend a day together. The Saints were part of the family. As an adult, my work week would be a good one or a bad one based on whether the Saints won their game.

I remember watching the games with all my cousins on Sunday afternoon with a plate of red beans in my lap sitting Indian-style front of the television. It was funny hearing the adult s in my family cursing and complaining about the game.

I watched my father and uncles throw beers and chicken bones at the screen in disgust every time the Saints would screw up. The game also came with full ghetto commentary from my uncle Steven and my pops. You could get a full injury report, game strategy, play by-play from my people. I also learned the entire history of the franchise by listening to my father and uncles tell the stories of how we picked who and what Tom Benson (the owner) was doing wrong with the team. The kids never asked questions, because the adults would get frustrated and kick us out of the living room.

The Dome Patrol:

After the Saints games were over, I used to go outside to play football in the street with my friends wearing my Bobby Hebert jersey, only to be laughed at and ridiculed by some of my friends who had sold out for a Joe Montana’s or Jerry Rice’s 49ers jersey. In spite of the dynasty the 49ers were at the time, I still thought the Saints were the best team. After all, they were the Saints. I thought that Dalton Hilliard was the best Running back to ever play and Rickey Jackson was better than Lawrence Taylor.  I used to stick up for the Saints when they lost and make excuses for them like most people do for their cousin that’s always going back and forth to prison for various crimes. I used to say, “We need a quarterback, we have a hard schedule, the refs cheated (my favorite).”

 In 1988, the Saints were playing extremely well and made it to the playoffs for the first time and played the Minnesota Vikings. The Saints were a whopping 12-3 that year and we looked unstoppable. After leading the game 10 to zero, the Vikings went on a roll and beat us 44-10. I was devastated. Vikings Wide-Receiver Anthony Carter returned a punt for a touchdown and caught a Hail-Mary touchdown pass. (The irony of a guy catching a Hail-Mary on the Saints…Whose side was Mary on?) My dad almost broke our television that day…I remember him saying a statement that would forever ring in my head,” Same ole’ Saints”….I would use that statement for the next 15 years.

In spite of all of that, when I became a teenager, I still rooted for the Saints. I remained faithful through the Ditka years, and as an adult, I have rooted through the hot/cold Haslett years, and the current Payton administration.

 A lot of my friends fell off to support the Cowboys and the Patriots etc.

Then in 2005 the unthinkable happened. Hurricane Katrina tore a hole through the Superdome and flooded my city, forcing me to move to Maryland. Living between D.C. and Baltimore, people would ask me, “So are you a Skins fan or a Ravens fan?” With pride, I would show them my Saints baseball cap, screen saver from my phone, Saints engraved door keys, tie-pin,  Saints logo debit card or the Drew Brees or Joe Horn (Remember him) Jersey I owned. People laughed and said, “the Saints suck!” Well being from New Orleans you know I had to respond, “No Yo’ momma sucks.”

 Anyway, I knew that we would not fair well in 2005 as a result of Hurricane Katrina and Aaron Brooks still at quarterback. I still supported the Saints and counted the season as a rebuilding year. Oh man did we rebuild, something magical happened in 2006. We got a new coach (Sean Payton) a good quarterback (Drew Brees) and a guy named Bush (Reggie Bush) that wasn’t from Texas. The team looked great and was kickin’ you know what and I thought to myself, whoo-hooo!! We are finally going to win the big one. All of these years of disappointment will be worth it by winning the Super Bowl. However, it was our time, lost the NFC championship to the Bears. “Same ole Saints”

 The Saints could take you high as a kite like your first love and then leave you feeling disappointed like a kid whose father did not show up to their recital. Heart attack, aneurism, and depression were some of the things I experienced over the last 30 years on a frequent basis, but for some reason I could never give up on them. I always believed that our time would come.

Does anyone remember the River City Relay in Jacksonville?

Supporting them was like the family car you never want to get rid of. Sure the car has its problems, but you have too many good memories with it and it has done too much for your family.  Also, you always saw the potential in the car and what it could be, so instead of trading it in for another model, you rebuilt the engine, and threw some 20’ spinners on it, with a coat of black & gold candy paint.

I still love the Saints, like a woman loves her baby daddy, like a fat kid loves vanilla ice-cream on his chocolate cake, like Bobby Brown likes getting arrested, like Tiger Woods loves white women.

Currently, the Saints are playing great football and are 12-0 for the first time ever in life and are looking like Super Bowl contenders. They also are not falling victim to the pitfalls and bone-head plays that long time fans are accustomed to.

This season is special, but I personally don’t care about all the undefeated mess, I just want us to get home field and continuously get better as the season winds down. Now if we happen to go undefeated in the process cool, but let’s not call the season a failure if we do lose one. The goal is to be the champs.

I wrote this, because this past Sunday against the Washington Redskins, the Saints gave me heart palpitations, because I got caught up. The way they were playing against the Redskins took me back to 1988, “Same ole Saints.” As the Saints were on the doorstep of their first loss I began to complain to my wife saying, “We blew out the Dolphins, Stomp the Eagles, Ruin the Giants and embarrass the Patriots, and then lose to the Redskins?” In my mind, that is what I was used to. The Saints building you up, and then as soon as you start to believe the hype, they let you down. But just like any other family member you have, whether they are graduating from high school or flunking out they are still family and you still support them.

Here I was about to condemn my team for losing a single game that would have made them 11 and 1. (Wow unhappy with 11 and 1? We have become spoiled)

 These may not be the “Same Ole Saints” in terms of their talent, attitude and potential, but these are the same ole Saints I have been rooting for my whole life, these are the same ole Saints that brought my family together, these are the same ole Saints that could have left and went to San Antonio, but stayed in a desolate city to support the fans who love them. (Thanks Tom Benson)

 So no matter how the rest of the season goes, this is my team and I am sticking with them win, lose or draw. I loved the 3-13 Saints, the Dome Patrol Saints, the Cha-ching Saints, the Katrina Saints, and the lost to the Bears in the NFC Championship Saints, and the undefeated 2009 Saints. I will just make sure to take an Aspirin before each game from here on out…..Geaux Saints!!!

Learning to be Dumb?

Over the past couple of years, schools across the country have been lowering their standards, actually dumbing down lesson plans so that under-performing kids can pass standardized tests to avoid sanctions under the No Child Left Behind Act (NCLB). In other words, some schools are not educating our kids, they are simply passing them along to make sure they get their money. Instead of  hiring teachers to teach a real curriculum, some schools simply baby sit the students and make it seem like they are educating our young people.

That act of education reform was brought to us by one of the greatest Presidents in the history of the United States of America President George W. Bush. It mandates that every child in school must be “proficient” in reading and math by 2014 and schools that fall short are subject to sanctions. (How does a “C” student get to lead education reform?)

The way NCLB works is schools get to set their own standards and write their own standardized tests. All they have to do is make sure their kids pass them. If the students fail, the federal government will take away some of the funds the schools were given. In other words, some schools are running a “pass for cash” program in some places. They cannot afford to lose those federal dollars.

People get thrown off when they hear the term “proficient.” When we say proficient, do we mean proficient enough to pump gas for a living, or proficient enough to go to college and become an accountant?

A new federal study shows that nearly a third of the states decreased academic standards in recent years. Fifteen states in all lowered proficiency standards in fourth and eighth-grade reading or math from 2005 to 2007. Three states – Maine, Oklahoma, and Wyoming – decreased standards in both subjects at both grade levels.

For example, in Mississippi, the state with the easiest standards, a score of 163 is deemed “proficient” but in Massachusetts, at the top, the standard for skills is set at 232. That’s a difference of 69 points. Should your child’s education be determined by zip code? Shouldn’t there be a universal standard? We have universal standards for everything else. My credit score is universal….

I know first hand that the standards are different in certain areas. I went to a public school in New Orleans called John F. Kennedy Senior High. I was in “Gifted” classes and I graduated ranked #7 in my class with a 3.90 GPA. That did not mean shit. When I got to the University of New Orleans for college, felt like I should have been in Special Ed classes. I was not ready for college academically. I was being exposed to things for the first time that some kids had in the 10th grade. After 5 years (yes I said 5, don’t judge me),  I managed to graduate with a very low “B” average, but it was very difficult.

So in today’s global economy, where our kids are facing all kind of competition from students all over the world, where kids in many foreign countries are focused on academics and technology, our kids in some areas are getting a third or fourth rate education and learning different variations of the stanky leg.

That’s why some of our kids are uninterested in school. The teachers are teaching to a standardized test and our kids are not being ready for the future. What are you teaching with ditto sheets and old practice test booklets from 1987? Where is the stimulation for a child’s imagination?  Kids aren’t reading Shakespeare anymore and having science fairs. Kids are not having cultural resources events at school. They have even taken art and music classes out of a lot of schools.  That’s why these kids are dropping out.

Our kids are not dumb, they are filled with passion and infinite potential; they are just not being given the training they need to go to college and beyond. Kids think they have a good education just because they get diploma (a piece of paper) that says they’re finished with high school. We’re lying to our children when we tell them they’re proficient, when they’re really not achieving at a level that will prepare them for success once they get to the real world. Let’s keep it real, you got nurses who get their degrees online in six weeks, do you really want them helping you in the hospital?

It’s like when a kid in the Special Olympics wins the 50 yard dash and everyone is proud of the fact he/she won in spite of their physical limitations. Somebody would be doing a terrible disservice to that kid if they told them that they were ready to go out and race Usain Bolt in the 2012 Olympics in Rio.

Remember what they did to JJ on Good-Times?

Some countries are training their kids to be scientist and software engineers. In other places, kids are learning about agriculture and technology, while the there are schools in the U.S. grooming the next Gucci Manes, Frankies & Neffes, and Lil Boosies.

Isn’t the purpose of school is to make our kids smarter so that they can be productive members of society? Why doesn’t anyone realize that dumb kids will grow up to be dumber adults?

It is not like this everywhere, but it’s happening  in too many places. How do we supposedly have the best educational institutions in the world, but have the highest drop out rates?

Here is a copy of the study: http://nces.ed.gov/nationsreportcard/pdf/studies/2010456.pdf

Parents, we need to step up. We must still take responsibility for our kids receiving a good education. Help supplement what your kids are learning or not learning in school. Go to a PTA meeting.

Ways to Help Our Kids:

• One on One Tutor Time at home
• Talk with them about their career aspirations/support them
• Help your aspiring rapper not become a rapper
• Watch Sesame Street
• Buy “Hooks on Phonics”
• Buy “My Baby Can Read”
• Make Some Flash Cards (Spelling, Multiplication Tables)
• Read them any Book ( A history book or biography book)
• Teach them about computers and how to use different software applications. Teach them about the web other than how to use social networking sites

If you read any spelling or grammatical errors in this article, remember that I went to public school….

Grown People Should Not Be Street Fighting

Remember when you were growing up and dealing with most of your issues could be settled in a matter of minutes? Any time you had a problem with somebody at school, in the neighborhood, at church, at the post office, or whatever, you could meet them after the event and settle the matter with a little scuffle? Then you all could move on with your lives with a clear conscience.

For those who were not motivated to fight, you would put a stick on their shoulder and dare the other person to knock it off. This would be the match that was sometimes needed to start the fire. Nonetheless, the fight ensued and the people were able to release their tension.

Back in the day, getting your occasional scrap on was both  fun and exhilarating. It was also necessary to build character while growing up in the hood or in a large family of ghetto cousins and siblings.

Then something happened that would change your life forever…you grew up! You realized that aside from the possibility of being charged with felony assault, battery, or even attempted murder; fighting in the street like an ignorant buffoon was not a good look. Not to mention the possibility of being sued by the loser and in some cases losing your job.

The point that I am trying to make is that if you are grown you should not be fighting in the streets, like you are still a teenager. What some adults don’t realize is that, they are not in high school anymore and you don’t have to fight to prove you are tough. Adults are also setting bad examples for their kids. Not to mention, some people are taking major “L’s” (Losses). People are putting the beat downs on youtube and your insurancce does not have a deductible for ass whippins’. This phase of your life should be over, you should be enjoying the adult years of your life.

Have you ever gone out to a club where everyone was dressed up nice and people were drinking and dancing to the music and then all of a sudden, Pookie sees Keisha’s brother who owes him three dollars from two years ago and he wants payback? He starts a bar room brawl and ruins the night for everybody. They get kicked out the club all drunk and bloody. It’s pretty lame to see. What about the fights your friends start and expect you to jump into? This aint boys in the hood man! We aint Ricky and Dough-boy no more..

What about women who have fights at weddings and baby showers? Hot ghetto mess. And when women fight whew!! Breastasis’ pop out, weaves are yanked out, and women are more likely to stab one another. Nine times out of ten, this fight is over a guy. Men hate to see this type of violence with our women…Unless they are fine!

Adults should realize that the best way to win a fight is to walk away. As a mature rational thinking adult, you should be able to diffuse or avoid certain situations without having to get your Roy Jones Jr. on.

However, I do realize that there are some exceptions to every rule. After all, I have had my fair share of altercations in my lifetime. I understand that there are some situations that may require you to handle your business:

1. You joined the UFC to earn extra income
2. You are in Prison and someone wants to cuddle
3. Someone does something to your Spouse/Kids
4. Somebody hits you first
5. Rihanna questions you about a text message (Kidding)
6. Somebody talking about your momma!!!

Other than that, you got to let it ride. Road rage, he said/she said, verbal altercations, and stepping on shoes by accident, should not end up with you clocking somebody with a blunt object.

A lot of people think that they have to fight to keep it real. Keepin’ it real is one of the dumbest phrases ever that has ruined a generation.

Here is an example where keeping it real goes wrong. I work out at what is supposed to be a premier (Expensive as hell) fitness center, where the clientele consists of really wealthy and supposedly well-off people. I was playing a pick-up game of 5-on-5 basketball and a fight broke out between two guys that were arguing about a foul that was called. One guy called the other one a cheating bitch and the other guy “kept it real.” He called the guy a punk ass bitch, and then proceeded to swing on him. What he did not know is that the other guy was a retired martial arts instructor. In two short moves, the guy that threw the first punch had a busted lip and a lump in his neck (ouch). What was so terrible about the fight is that he looked bad while he was getting his ass whipped. You can tell he was bullied as a kid.  He really did not know how to fight. He did a lot of foot shuffling and non-existent boxing combinations in the air. The guy that won thought he was about to get accolades for winning the fight. He made his victory speech and was trying to explain how he was a bad ass back in the day, but all the guys quit playing and went home. Nobody wanted to be around all that foolishness. We were all grown ass men with families and responsibilities. After the fake ass rumble in the jungle, the guys were kick out of the gym and they both had their memberships revoked. They were lucky they were not arrested.

The fight went kind of like this:

Now was that worth it? Probably not….

The point is that grown people should not be fighting. (Especially if you cannot fight) We are supposed to be mature adults setting examples for our children. Try talking like civilized human beings. Keep it real with yourself, you’re not a “G” and your last name aint’ Mayweather.

 If you must fight, at least get some training.

Are we in hell already?

I have really been trying to stay away from blogging about things in the news, because I did not want to just keep repeating what is already out there. Instead, I have been writing about things that I felt like sharing such as: my philosophy on life, relationship issues and the human condition. However, I have been hearing  and reading so many depressing and horrific things in the news, I had to say something.

People have lost their minds. It’s like jail or death is no longer a deterrent for a lot of people anymore. What also seems bad is that people have become numb to hearing about murders, rape and violence. I see people react to hearing about a serial killer murdering 10 women like, “okay, what’s on ESPN?” When did we all become so cold-blooded? It’s only when something happens to our loved ones that we want CSI to come out and do a full-scale investigation. We only care about the rapist or pedophile if he is on the loose on our neighborhood.

I know that most people believe that we are in the last days and all kind of craziness is suppose to take place. In the book of second Timothy chapter 3 verse 1 says, “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.” So, this is suppose to be the precursor to Jesus coming back and taking all the good people to heaven and the evil doers’ (People Shacking up LOL) to hell.

Tupac said in his song “Blasphemy” on the Makeveli Album, “We probably in Hell already, our dumb asses not knowin, everybody kissin ass to go to heaven ain’t goin. Put my soul on it….” 

Everybody does not believe in the bible, but whatever your religious beliefs or unbeliefs are, you know the world cannot go on this way. It’s about to be Madd Maxx in a minute.

Look at some of the major news stories in the past week:

Fort Hood Shootings – For those of you who did not hear about it already, there was a shooting spree that killed 13 people and wounded 31 others on Thursday, November 5. They are still finding out details, but anyone who does a Rambo on a military base has got to be crazy. The scary thing is, if someone can pull that off on a military base, where everybody got a gun, do you feel safe in the suburbs?

15 Year-old Girl Raped – Onlookers laughed, took pictures and even joined in Saturday night during the two-hour gang rape of a semi-conscious 15-year-old outside her high school homecoming dance. This is wrong on so many levels. I got a question, where were the chaperons at the dance? I remember when I was in high school; they would even let you hang outside of the dance. You either had to come inside or go home. Then, you had people watching and taking pictures. I am so scared form the future for my kids. People are watching and filming rapes and murders on their camera phones, so they can post it on YouTube. They should make that a crime.

Ohio Rapist Charged with Murder….10 Bodies Found - Anthony Sowell, 50, was charged Tuesday with rape, felonious assault and kidnapping, Cleveland police spokesman Lt. Thomas Stacho said. The gruesome new discovery comes after 6 bodies were found last week in the Sowell’s house, bringing the total number discovered there to 10. Authorities do not know whether the skull belongs to an eleventh victim.

So now we have the black and freaky serial killer. I read that people have been complaining about the odor coming from his house for a minute and the police never came over to see nothing. You can’t lie and say you are cooking chitterlings forever. The police should have been over to the house, especially given the fact that he is a convicted felon.

Office Shooting and Murder in Florida - Last week, 40-year-old Jason Rodriguez went on a shooting rampage at the Gateway Centre in Orlando, Florida, killing one person and injuring at least five others.

In a brief court appearance, he was portrayed by his lawyer as a mentally ill man who has had a bad year, losing his job, home and marriage.

I don’t’ know the details of this situation, nor do I agree with what he did, but apparently this guy was at the end of his rope and snapped. It seems like people all over are just feeling hopeless and are giving up on life.

These are just a sampling of events that have happened in the U.S. over the past week or so. This is not to mention all the destruction and chaos going on everywhere else in the world that does not make the mainstream news.

Given the recent chain of events, I ask the question, “Are we in hell already?”

Shacking Up, is so hard to do

Have you ever heard the saying, “Don’t play house.” This old school metaphor has been widely used by mothers all over the world when trying to school their young daughters about living in with a man before marrying him.

Living together has become very common in mainstream America. It has now been looked at as the next step in a  boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Back in the day, unmarried couples that lived together were looked at like they were morally deficient. It was like being in a room full of doctors and admitting you dropped out of high school. People were embarrassed to even tell someone they were shacking up. You would say that you were living with a roommate, a friend, or your cousin.  I remember when even spending the night at a girl’s house was a big deal. I used to have to sneak out of a girl’s house like I was James Bond.

As the fabric of or morality began to deteriorate around the late 80’s early 90’s, living together before marriage gradually became more acceptable and justified by an increasingly high divorce rate in the United States. The new saying became, “Don’t you want to test drive a car before you buy it?” That’s why today’s couples that shack up are not hassled; they are only typically only looked down upon by religious zealots and protective parents.

Some people believe today that you should try living with someone before you leap into a marriage. In many aspects that theory makes a lot of sense. It seems like a responsible move to test the waters. Would you order a dish without sampling it? Would a company hire you without an interview? Would you sign an artist without an audition? Marriage is a serious commitment and most people feel that it is absolutely necessary that you live with someone before you sign your life away. Nobody wants to end up like Nas & Kelis, Bobby & Whitney, Starr Jones and RuPaul, etc.

However, I think that there are valid points on both sides. The beliefs in most religions is that people should be married before they live together, but the benefits of moving in first make for a better long-term decision about marriage. People always say that you should really get to know someone before you marry them, so shouldn’t living together help you really get to know the person?

See, I think that the primary concern of the old school generation was really about preventing the young couples from having sex, not living together. They were protecting their kids against fornication and getting pregnant out-of-wedlock. The only problem with that is that couples don’t have to live together to sleep together. Premarital sex and unwed parenting is not taboo for the new generation.

So I think that in addition to it being a morality issue, it is also a generational issue.

I was watching Good Times last night and Thelma wanted to move in with her African boyfriend Ebay that she met in college. Florida (her mother) was against it, because they were not going to get married yet.

See, Florida represented the old school way of thinking and Thelma was thinking on a level that transcended into the 80’s and beyond.

Benefits of Shacking Up

One of the benefits to shacking up is that you get to really get to know that person, before you are obligated to be with them forever. Living with a person 24/7, you get to see beyond the veil of his hollow swagger or her sexy mystique. You get to see her unsexy mistakes and his trifling ways.

I used to date a woman that I would pick up three times a week to go hang out. Once I spent a full weekend with her and never wanted to date her again. Her house was dirty like Mister’s house on The Color Purple when Cielie just moved in. She had old food in the fridge and her bathroom was like the public restrooms in the Superdome before Hurricane Katrina. She could not cook and she looked like Kim Wayans without her weave in and make-up on. Then I found out that she had a severe lying problem, and she did not even bath everyday. (Eww) I found all that out by just spending two days at her house. Just imagine if I wouldn’t have known that and married her. I am a clean freak; we would have been divorced quicker than Usher and Tameka. It is very easy to pretend to be fly, cool, or clean, when you are around somebody for short periods of time. However, if you live with them, eventually you get to see the real person.

The other benefit is that you can leave when you want to. If you break up with them, there is no alimony, or divorce fees. You won’t have to give up half your stuff. (Willingly that is)

Problems with Shacking Up

One of the biggest problems many shacked-up couples face is when mad day comes. Every couple knows what mad day is. Unmarried couples sometimes buy huge assets together while things are going good. However, it does not always stay good. So when the time comes and they decide to go their separate ways, who going to get the stuff? This is when the convenient blessing becomes a curse.

Here’s a quick scenario: Tyrone and Lisa living together and they decide to put in together and buy a flat screen for the living room. Two months later, Tyrone gets caught cheating and Lisa wants to break up. Who gets the TV? Who has to move out? Who gets to keep the puppy? Since they are not married, they can’t let the divorce proceeding decide who gets what, so now they got to go on Judge Judy and fight on TV.

Another problem is some women believe that the free-loading bum that is living off of them is going to marry them eventually. There is another great saying tied to this situation. “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?” In most cases, if you live with a guy and you all have 2-3 kids, a house, and cars etc., he is comfortable and has already won. He has no reason to marry you. What he does have is an easy road out if he decides that he wants to move on. He gets all the benefits of being married without any of the responsibility. To buy himself some extra time, he’ll say that they’ll get married down the road when they can afford it. That usually shuts the woman up for 3 or 4 years. And don’t let him hit you with the “we in a recession speech”. This is also what parents are trying to protect their daughters from.

At the End of the Day

At the end of the day shacking up is still the issue of morality vs. practicality. For the more spiritually minded people, it is a clear-cut moral issue that should not be compromised for the sake of convenience or experimentation. On the other hand, it makes all the sense in the world to know what you are getting into before you commit for what is suppose to be a lifelong vow.

In the practical sense (barring religion), all marriage is able to do is make it harder for couples to separate, thus encouraging couples to make a more concerted effort to save the marriage. (And possibly save you from going to HELL) However, if you find out in advance that your potential spouse is a dirty, trifling, no bath taking, cross-dressing, sea donkey with filthy habits; you probably would not marry them in the first place.

So I say, if your conscience is clear about it,  do what you do, but I aint God…….

Career Change……What’s the Hold Up?

What did you want to be when you grew up, a teacher, a fireman, an astronaut? I did not want to be anything like that. After I saw Purple Rain in the 80’s, I wanted to be Prince. When I got a little older, I decided that I wanted to become a writer. Twenty years later it’s still a work in progress, but at least it’s a work… right?

Now that you are grown, are you doing what you planned to do with your life in terms of your career? Are you working towards your career goals or are you still putting it off for the future like paying off your student loans?

How many years have you been saying, “Next year I am going to open a salon or restaurant.” How long have you been writing that movie, working towards your degree, or taking the bar exam?

You can sing like Patti LaBelle and you dance better than Chris Brown, but you are still working at Popeye’s. Well, what’s the hold up? (Sarcastic voice) Oh yeah, that’s right, you are starting your own label next year, and your cousin knows Babyface and he is going to get you a deal…and blah, blah, blah.

People spend a lot of time talking about what they are about to do. I know, because I was one of the greatest at doing this. I was always painting this vivid picture to people about what my future would look like and how successful I was going to be. The problem was that most of the time I was full of it, but it made me feel good just talking  about it. The sad thing is for a long time, that’s all it was…Talk. Do you know anyone like that? Someone who yells with the greatest conviction that they are going to do something and you find out they aint gonna do shit.

I heard someone say a long time ago that “talk is cheap,” and it holds true today when it comes to career aspirations. When it comes to making moves in life, you should be like Nike and “just do it.” Time waits for no man, and before you know it, you will find yourself only being able to talk about the past. “I could have had this or would have had that”…… I have countless friends that I played sports with during my teenage years who swear until this day that they could have gone pro, but they never put forth the effort or took the steps to get there.

Here are some of the reasons we give as to why we can’t work towards our career goals:

 I Don’t Have Time!

One of our challenges we face is that we are all creatures of habit. Once our lives become routine, it also becomes safe and convenient. You now become afraid to leave your comfort zone. Your job pays the bills and allows you to buy a few things and take care of your family. In this economy, nobody is trying to rock that boat. However, at the same time, you don’t want to be stuck in the same situation or limit your options either.

 

Routine stuns your growth. It is a mentality we develop over time. Routine is comfortable and breaking your routine is scary. Whether it is fear of failure or fear of losing what have been able to barely maintain, people are afraid to take that leap to the next level. It’s like the dumb saying goes: “The man who sleeps on the floor can’t fall out of bed.”

However, there is a way to work through this obstacle. It’s all about planning. Look at your week and log how much time you waste. Whether it is 30 minutes or 3 hours a day, this down time is what you can use to work on your career changing project. Use this time to do some research and make some long-term plans. Everyday that goes by should include you doing at least one thing toward your goal no matter how small.

Are People in the Way?

Another reason people are apprehensive about trying to progress is, because of the people around them. You know who I am talking about right? I am talking your dog, your home girl, etc.

Some of our so-called Friends, are the main ones that will hate on our ideas. Believe it or not, deep down some of your friends are envious of you and don’t want you to be doing better than them. Think about it? Do you have a friend that is always saying something negative about what you are doing? Anything you say about something, they got something bad to say about it.

The other thing is that they’re always comparing themselves to you. You know that they’ll never really support you trying to come up. You might want to distance yourself from these types of “friends.” They will only slow you down or deter you from your goals.

Self Doubt

Worst of all, some people just don’t believe that they can make it. After what I have seen over the course of my 30 plus years on this earth, I believe that anything is possible. Look around you and see what is going on. Consider this, if Frankie and Neffe can get their own television show, if Jermaine Dupri can get Janet Jackson, and if “It’s Hard Out Here For a Pimp” can win an Academy Award, anything is possible.

I often watch the behind the music shows on VH1 and I recently watched both 50 Cent’s and T.I.’s show. Neither are my favorite rappers (Hov, DMX), but they both had crazy struggles earlier in their lives before they got to where they are in their industry. Are they the best at what they do, probably not, but they kept grinding.

With a little preparation and opportunity, you never know where you will end up. You don’t always have to be the best at it; you just have to be driven. Haven’t you seen the best singers not make it to Hollywood on American Idol? 

Not motivated yet? Well, if you had any doubts about being successful at making your career change, I got some medicine. Check this out:

Former President George W. Bush made his debut as a motivational speaker Monday, October 26, to a crowd of 11,000 in Fort Worth, Texas. Are you kidding me? The most non-articulate President in the history of the world has got a new job as a motivational speaker. Do you know what that means? That means that if you are a 5 foot 2 inches tall, you can play power forward for the Lakers. If you are as big as King Latifah is, you can be a stripper at the Blue Flame in Atlanta. If you have been arrested more times than Bobby Brown, you can still be  the mayor of your city. The sky is the limit. You just have to get to work!!

There are many reasons why we can say that we haven’t reached our career goals that we set for ourselves, but no excuse. We can blame it on life decisions we made early in our lives, we can blame people, or we can even blame on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol, but at the end of the day, it’s on us to get it popping. Our complacency and doubt are our own. Think about it, many people throughout history have done great things despite their opposition.

Why Are Some Men Intimidated By Strong Women?

How many independent women songs do you know? (Singing Lil Boosie & Webbie’s song) “I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T do you know what that means? You go got your own house, you got your own car, two jobs, no kids and you a bad broad.” Right, right, we see you. More props to you. Ne-yo has a softer version, “She got her own thing, thing, that’s why I love her, miss independent can you, come spend a little time…”  You got Destiny Child’s song, Mary J. Blige’s song, and Kelly Clarkson’s song.

There are dozens of independent woman tributes out there and rightfully so. They are all saying the same thing, “you are a strong woman and you do not need a man to support you.” Independence is a great thing to have, but that does not necessarily mean that you don’t want some companionship type of companionship right? What sense does it make to become successful and come home to an empty house?

Women have come up in the last 20 years. Single mothers are holding it down, (props forever on that) women with incarcerated or deployed boyfriends are taking care of business. However, in a more radical shift, single women in conjunction to doing all those other things, are now becoming CEO’s, managers, business owners, and Secretaries of State. James Brown’s song “It’s a Man’s World would be irrelevant today. The economical landscape has shifted and women are becoming bread winners and taking on the leadership roles in companies and households.

So instead of fighting for voting rights and equal pay, one of the strong independent woman’s biggest issues is finding or keeping a man. Now I am not picking on nobody or hating on the sisters for coming up. I am addressing a question that was sent to me by one of my readers.

My friend is a very beautiful successful woman with a degree, a great job and no kids. She says that a lot of men are intimidated by her, so she posed this question to me, “Why are some men afraid of dating strong women?”

So here is my response:

I think that one of the primary reasons that men are intimidated have nothing to do with the woman being too strong, but it’s about the guy being too weak. An insecure man is the worst to kind to have, because he will drag you down quicker than a crack head would.

Men find security in knowing that you need them to take care of you. This also gives us a sense of control in the relationship. The power of knowing we can take away your comforts such as your car, clothes, or lifestyle, we do not necessarily have to handle his business with the relationship. When this element is taken away, he knows that he has to step up and do more. He knows he got to help with the kids more and wash those dishes sometimes. He also knows that he does not have the last say in financial decisions. Do you remember in Color Purple when Cielie told Mister that she was leaving him? What was his response, “You’ll be back, you poor, your ugly, you’re a woman, your nothing at all.” The only power he really had was money.

That is why a lot of times you will see a guy go after a young weak or naïve woman that he can manipulate. He never wants her to be better than him. He wants to control her and take away her self confidence.

I am sure that every woman has been with a guy who has knocked everything she has tried to do to better herself. If a woman says, “I want to go back to school.” Two months later, he will get her pregnant. A woman may want to start her own business, but he is content with loading luggage and the airport. He’s going to hate on you and say, “You know you can’t start your own salon, it will fail. You should just stay in the shop you are at.”

Then on the other side of that spectrum, some women are just dating scrubs. Women will find a loser who has no intention of bettering himself, and he has chosen to live off his sugar momma. Women fall for the okey-doke all the time; some will continue to use the woman if she allows it. Let me tell you something, if your boyfriend or potential mate does not have a car at age 35, lives at home with his momma, and has more Playstation 3 Games than neck ties in his closet, he’s a scrub and not worth your time. He is not intimidated, because, he did not have anything going on anyway. You calling his broke ass out just makes him want to go over to his baby mother’s house. All he ever had to offer was swagger, which is the new term for confidence that some men really don’t have. It’s more like hollow swag. Swagger doesn’t help anybody pay bills, raise kids, cook food or take out the trash. All swagger does is make guys walk funny. Some women fall for it though.

However, sometimes the strong woman is a victim of her own success. The power can go to her head and make a woman more arrogant any guy can ever be. Some women who never had anything in their lives will sometimes come up and then all of a sudden, nobody is good enough for them. You hear things like, “He needs to be on my level.” Nobody ever says that when a broke woman is dating an NFL player, NBA Baller or some rapper. When they are called gold diggers, you hear women say, “It’s not all about the money.” See there is a double standard here. (See Khloe Kardashian)

Underneath it all, there is a war going on between the Traditional relationships vs. the Progressive one. In a traditional relationship, men controlled the money and were the ultimate ruler and authority in the household. The woman cooked and cleaned and took care of the kids. This is of course a barbaric concept in 2009. The Progressive relationship is more of a partnership that recognizes both the man and the woman as equals in the relationship, where all of the decisions, chores and responsibilities are equally shared or given willing to the best suited person. For example, my mother was better with money than my father, therefore she handled the bills. That’s cool right, especially if it benefits the household. If a woman is married to a chef, wouldn’t cooking most likely be something he was in charge of?

Here is where another problem that lies with some women. They sometimes want to revert back to a traditional role when it suits them. If they are making more money than their mate, they expect to now be in charge. Not only that, the man will be notified on regular basis of who makes the most money. Whenever you all have an argument, the most popular phrase is, “I don’t need you; I paid for everything in here….” Some men just don’t want to be bothered with all that.

That attitude usually leads to the next issue. Women sometimes can become a little disrespectful towards a guy she has a financial advantage over. When the woman is ballin’ it’s a dictatorship, when the man has the upper hand, it’s a partnership. You can’t put a guy down and disrespect him, because you making a lot of money and he isn’t. If the guy is a school teacher and he loves doing it, why knock the man. If you guys are really in it together, it should not matter that you make more.

Even if the guy is not insecure and he is okay with having a partnership, no man is going to stay in a relationship where he has to fight his woman for his manhood. Public castration or even the appearance of it will almost guarantee a woman that fourth spot in Beyonce’s single ladies video.  Men are not going to fight you for the big piece of chicken.

The point of saying that is this. Part of being strong is being able to compromise and play the position that is necessary at the time to progress the unit . Compromise does not equal defeat.

There needs to be a balance. There are some traditional elements of relationships that will work for couples, just like there are some progressive things that work. What would help women is if they are fair. You can’t choose which type of relationship you want out of convenience. Remember how you felt when a man tried to control or belittle you, because you were working at the Gap.

Relationships are difficult period. The so-called “Strong/ Independent woman attracts the studs and the losers just like every other woman. The difference is that the weak men will run away out of fear of embarrassment and insecurity, while the strong guy who can offer the woman something, just will get tired of being treated like the woman think she’s Big Red from the 5 Heartbeat. Your ego may also be taking up too much space in the room too. Be proud of your success and independence, but don’t be self righteous, he might stay around.

The Dow Is Up, But People are Still Down

 On Wednesday, the Dow jumped 144 points to close at 10,015 – its biggest gain since Aug. 21 and highest close since Oct. 3 last year. Traders tossed commemorative caps and uncorked champagne. Investors believe the economy is clawing its way back from the worst downturn since the Depression. Well, Whoopty-doo!

While that may be a good sign for Wall Street, it did not do anything for Main Street, Sesame Street, Beat Street, 2300 Jackson Street, 21 Jump Street, Elm Street or my street.

The unemployment rate is 9.8% – the highest since Reagan’s first term. And the housing market is still in major trouble. It has also been reported that there has been nearly 1 million foreclosure filings in the third quarter, a 5% increase from the previous quarter and an increase of nearly 23% from the same time last year.

That basically means that we are going to have to continue to make strides to improve our own economies. One of the ways to do that is to save money on everyday expenses. There are some simple things you can do to save money.

For example, I have stopped eating out as much, but if I do, I get 30 packs of ketchup, extra cups, forks, napkins and straws to save on grocery costs.

If you are going somewhere with me, you might want to plan to leave a little earlier. I burn my gas slower than a blunt being smoked on Lil’ Wayne’s Tour bus. If you are traveling farther than 10 miles, you better have some gas money potna’.

My cell phone is my house phone. I know traditional households have a house number, but I don’t. I am not home enough to have a home number. You better be in my five, or send me a text message during the day. When I get home, my anytime minutes should have already kicked in, so you’d be straight.

I have also started using the Penny Saver ads. I clip more coupons than the Golden Girls, Danny Tanner from Full House, and Mary Jenkins from 227.  I am also buying in bulk. If you don’t know about Sam’s Club, or Costco’s, you better ask somebody.

I also bring food into the movies. Come on now, $8.00 for some popcorn and a Sprite? That is insane. How are they gonna charge people $4.00 for a Kit Kat?

Also, if you plan on bringing kids to see a movie, feed them before you leave the house. If they must have snacks, buy a dollar bag of Cheetos or something and put them in little sandwich bags and pass them around. If you cannot afford chips, bag up some fruit loops. (Make sure to get the bags back so you can reuse them later.)

(Singing in my autotuned voice) “Blame it on the Goose, blame it on the Henny. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-a-alcohol”

As for you rappers, I know autotune is hot, but it is also expensive. I am going to save the hip-hop community some money as well. I am about to give the rappers an old school trick to alter their voices. Instead of paying 100k for an autotune effect, go to Wal-Mart and buy a $10 box fan. Bring the fan into the booth and bam!….Autotune.

 

In addition to saving money, you gotta get your hustle on. Unless you are related to Bill Gates, Oprah, or Tiger Woods, you need to have a hustle on the side.

Here are some of the things you can do to try to make some extra cash:

Try to get your own Endorsement deal: Whether you are acting silly with your friends or seriously pursuing a career in selling other peoples’ products, you should put your talents out there, so people can see them. Below is one of the best McDonald’s commercials that I have seen in a long time on YouTube!

Play the Lottery:

I know that we should not encourage gambling as a means to make money, but here is a way to improve your odds. Don’t forget your boy if you win though.

It’s rough for a lot of people right now, but with a little planning and hustle, you can get through it. If you are maintaining or coming up right now, great. Keep doing what you are doing. If your pockets are thinner than Beyonce’s real hair, keep grinding.

The media thought we were going to jump up for joy when they reported that the stock market rose. That was like telling me Playtex has developed a new and improved tampon. It meant nothing for me personally. It is good to know that somebody is doing better. When I hear the news that the job market is up, wages are up, or home prices are down, then maybe I’ll be excited.

How to Make up with Your Woman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So you messed up with your woman and she is giving you hell. Depending on how bad you messed up, she’s probably not giving you any heaven either.   (wink, wink)

You have tried everything in the playbook to make up with her. You bought roses, Godiva chocolates, Coach Bags, etc. You even tried to take her to see Tyler Perry’s new movie and to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. Then like a dummy you bought her something from Victoria Secret, like that was going to work. She got you going through a drought  like California in the summertime. When all that failed, you might have tried to get your Darious Lovehall on and recite her that whack poem you wrote on a napkin during your lunch break at work. In most cases poetry is not our thing. We usually end up writing something like, “I love you girl, and you are my world.” Yeah that’s tight huh?…Not. You are better off letting Lil Wayne write something for you.

Most of us cannot afford to buy a Kobe Bryant 4 million dollar “I’m sorry” purple diamond ring, or send our girl to San Tropez like Jay Z. What we don’t realize is, while she takes all your good intentions and kind gestures of desperation for her forgiveness, that’s not really what they wants from us.

Since the beginning of time, women have been screaming from the tallest mountain tops about what they want us to do. Even during times of peace, they have given us the keys to paradise, but we ignored it and chose to rely on the most unreliable source for advice…ourselves.

Even the Thuggiest Thug thinks that his nick-name is Billy Dee Williams. We think that if we get a chance to put it down like Jody (Tyrese Gibson) did with Yvette (Taraje P. Henson) in the movie Baby Boy, or make her laugh like Trey (Cuba Gooding Jr.) did Brandy (Nia Long) on the porch in Boyz N the Hood, that all will be forgiven.

The fellas know what I am talking about. We have been involved in over one thousand three hundred and seventy-one arguments with our women. Usually when you mess up, you and your woman will argue and not talk to each other. Some time will go by and she’ll go back to talking to you and you will think that things are back to normal. I got news for you….it’s not. Women NEVER forget and while you sitting back poppin’ your collar like you are the Player of the Year; she is planning your demise and has loaded herself with the most potent ammunition for the next argument or payback.

So I am going to help the fellas how to make up with your woman and restore peace and love back into your relationship. Pay attention, because this might stop Big Mike from stealing your quality time.

 Here are the 3 easy steps:

 Step #1. Admit You Messed Up

 Just like alcoholics anonymous, the first step is admitting you have a problem. You must admit you are wrong; this is not the time to try to lie or out think her. Women have a built in memory like a 20 gigabyte Apple computer. One of the biggest flaws known to man is not admitting when we are wrong. Man up, take a deep breath and say the phrase that is sure to calm the storm,“baby, I was wrong.”

 Step #2. LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN

This is the golden rule for eternal happiness with your woman. Listen to her. All she wants is for you to respect her, let her express how she feels, and acknowledge how she feels. The dude that she will cheat on you with listens to her. He is interested in every tiny detail of her day and opinion. Trust me.

When you are listening to her, give her your undivided attention. Turn the football game off, pause the Play Station, and please don’t text your homeboys while she is talking to you. The other thing you have to watch is your body language. Be attentive, face her, and nod your head when she is making points. If necessary, try to delay the argument to a Tuesday or Wednesday when the game is not on.

Don’t allow yourself to get frustrated when she replays the entire situation for you, although you were there the first time. She has to do this to express herself and to get over what has upset her. It’s like watching those boring scenes in the movie Titanic with your woman. All you want to see is when the boat starts sinking, but you have to sit through entire movie with her, just because she loves the build up.

 Step #3. Respond to her when she is finished talking!

After you have confessed and listened to her, you are not done yet. Now you have to prove that you were listening. You have to say something that reassures her that, (1) you are not an idiot, and (2) She’s not an idiot for taking you back.

When she is finished talking, do not shrug it off and just say, “aight.” Say something about how you plan to fix things, or not make the same mistake again. Look her in the eyes, hold her hand (if she let’s you), and end it with a kiss and a hug. It’s that easy.

So I know what the guys may be thinking, “What do I do if the 3 step program does not work?”

The 3 step program is for Type 1 Offenses such as: petty arguments, getting caught flirting, staying out all night with your friends, lying about how much money you got stashed away, etc.

Now if you did something off the chain, like got another woman pregnant or tried to hit her, just move to another city and cut your losses. (Kidding) You should try the 3 step process, then proceed to plan B, which is better suited to handle Type 2 Offenses.(Cheating, cheating, hitting, cheating, lying and cheating, etc.)

Plan B is for emergencies only and it is important to know that these tactics should be used only as a last resort.

Tactic 1: Begging

Don’t be too proud to beg. Let her know she is worth the effort. So go ahead and get your Keith Sweat on. You would beg for your life if someone had a gun to your head right?

 

Tactic 2: Crying

Under no other circumstances do I condone a man crying, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. What is important to know about your “cry” is that it is like a lifeline on the TV show “Who wants to be a Millionaire?” You can only use this one once. After you cry one time, every other time you cry makes you a straight bee-yotch! You got to save this one like it’s the big joker in a game of spades.

Tactic 3: Crying & Begging

If all else fails, this tactic is the atomic bomb of reconciliation. If she does not take you back or forgive you after you do this, just pack up your stuff and call Tyrone. Go to her house and  make sure she is available to talk for at least seven minutes. If she says, “yes,” sit her down on the couch and give her the best Lenny Williams performance of your life.